


Scars To Your Beautiful

by Own_Worst_NME (Kyluxshipismyfav)



Series: Battle Scars [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Artistic Liberties, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Awkward Boners, Biting, Blood Kink, Come Eating, Come Swallowing, Cunnilingus, Delirium, Discussion of Abortion, Disfigurement, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Food Sex, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Choking, Force Ghosts, Force Lightning, Hearing Voices, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Infidelity, Kidnapping, Light Bondage, Light Dom/sub, Masturbation, May/December Relationship, Mentions of Cancer, Murder, Older Woman/Younger Man, Oral Sex, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Postpartum Depression, Psychological Torture, Redemption, Resurrection, Rough Sex, Simultaneous Orgasm, Soulmates, The Force Ships It, Time Skips, Unplanned Pregnancy, scar kink
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-02-25 23:08:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 28
Words: 65,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13223166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyluxshipismyfav/pseuds/Own_Worst_NME
Summary: The follow up to Battle Scars--the love story of Ben Solo and Natalie Granderson that takes place across time and galaxies.  This story probably won't follow if you haven't read Battle Scars.





	1. The One Who Betrayed Me

**Author's Note:**

> The aftermath of Snoke's reappearance and his kidnapping of Ben and Natalie's children. Natalie makes sure her wrath is felt.

It had been 2 days since the babies were taken. Hux had some of his security staff dedicated to finding them, but it was like they had vanished without a trace. They hadn't even had a chance to name their new boy and girl. Ben hadn't slept since they were delivered by Dr. Kestnor. Kestnor left the room with the babies to take them to the nursery and give Ben and his wife some privacy or so he said. No one had seen him since the delivery either. Nat was right. They should never have trusted him. During the delivery, Nat stayed asleep and Ben was worried so he let his guard down. 

Ben stayed next to his wife at her hospital bedside. Natalie hadn't woken up since before the delivery. The doctors, who'd all personally had their minds read by Rey and Luke Skywalker who came to the government complex per Leia's request, had no idea why Natalie was still asleep, but they suspected Kestnor had given her some sort of drug to keep her that way. What was Ben going to tell his wife? He had no answers and he practically gave their children to a stranger. Leia and Rey came by Natalie's room to visit.

"Ben, you need to get some sleep! You're not doing yourself, Natalie, or those children any good like this."

"Mom, please---"

"The children are worried about you and their mother. You need to talk to them and you can't do it like you are now. You need to shower, shave, sleep, and eat before you see them. Your family and friends can take turns watching over Natalie. Please, Ben!"

Ben reluctantly left Natalie's bedside and Rey took his place while Leia led Ben back to his quarters. Rey looked upon Natalie while she slept. She could sense nothing of the vibrant woman she'd met years ago. Rey was never able to touch her mind, but she was at least able to get a sense of her openness and kindness. She couldn't feel any of that now. Rey felt that something had changed, but couldn't put her finger on what it was.

________________________________________________________________________________

 

It was Poe's shift to watch over Natalie. Everything was going as it usually had until he heard her stirring and then she opened her eyes. She looked at Poe in the eyes and said with a voice scratchy from non-use, "Where are they?"

"Let me get a doctor for you!"

"No! Poe, I need your help! Please!"

________________________________________________________________________________

 

Ben ran to Natalie's room as soon as he heard she was awake. Nat wasn't in her bed when he got there. She was cleaning herself up in the refresher. Poe came in and told Ben that Natalie wanted to meet with everyone in the conference room because the hospital room would be too claustrophobic. Ben wanted to ignore that, but he figured it must have been important to Nat if she went through the trouble to ask. He left and went to the conference room to wait for his wife. 

Natalie eventually joined Ben, Leia, Rey, Luke, Hux, and Poe in the conference room. She'd been asleep for a week, but she looked like she hadn't slept in two weeks. Ben tried to jump up and hug his wife when she entered the room, but she shied away from him. Ben could sense something had changed in their bond--it was still there and strong, but it had degraded somehow.

"Where are they?," Natalie asked to the room calmly.

Hux spoke first. "I have a division of our security team working day and night to find them, Natalie."

"I didn't ask you who you had working to find them! I fucking asked you where they are!!"

Everyone turned to look at Natalie. Her ordeal had clearly changed her. 

"Every lead we have chased has resulted in a dead end."

"What about Kestnor, your world renowned specialist, Hux? Nothing on him at all?"

"Anyone we could have questioned is either dead or disappeared and presumed dead. He covered his tracks very well."

"Why do you think a world renowned OB/GYN would want to take my children from me, Ben?"

Ben could appreciate that Nat was upset, but they were his children too. He'd suffered their loss as well. "Nat, I don't know why! I'd never met him until the day Hux introduced us!"

Natalie was losing her patience. "You really think that someone you had never met would go through all this to take our newborn twins? I've been asleep for a week and I wouldn't believe that!"

Ben was confused, but he knew Natalie knew more that she was saying. He was tired of playing games. "If you know who took them, then say it so we can find them!"

"It was Snoke, you idiots!," Natalie spat at Ben and Hux. Everyone in the room looked at each other and then back at Natalie.

"That's impossible! You killed him! I felt him die! Our bond was severed!"

"Well apparently he snatched a backup body when he couldn't get yours, my love!!"

"How do you know it was Snoke?"

"He confirmed it for me before he told me that he gave me a drug to paralyze me and make me sleep to torture me with visions of horror, before he told me that he would cut my children from my womb and that I would feel every cut, before he told me he would take our children and mold them into what he wished, and before I told him that you would stop him!," Natalie said as tears streamed down her face. "But you didn't stop him! You let him do everything that he promised! I warned you about him! I told you not to let him touch me, but you did! 

"I'm sorry--," Ben tried to get out while tears flowed.

"Fuck your sorry! Sorry does nothing for my children, Ben! What have you all been doing in the week that I've been asleep? Has any of you even left the planet to try and look for my babies?"

"That's enough, Natalie! Everyone has been doing everything they can--," Leia said before being interrupted. 

"I'll say when it's fucking enough, Leia! You knew of Snoke too, didn't you? But you didn't see him as a danger either! I guess it runs in the family!!"

"Natalie, don't--"

"Don't what, Luke? Tell the truth? You worked with Snoke to kill me and my children before! That was a long time ago, right? You didn't sense Snoke was still alive? No disturbance in the Force?"

Natalie was pacing around the conference room unleashing her fury. "General Starkiller and Kylo Ren! You both knew Snoke better than anyone! How could neither of you know that Kestnor was Snoke? It's like both of you couldn't wait to slip back into the years of manipulation he offered! Has domestic bliss neutered both of you? What happened to the sheer ruthlessness you both possessed? That is what will find my children! I need those men, not the shadows of their former selves that sit before me now!"

Ben and Hux looked at each other, ashamed of the truth they could hear in her words. 

"Nat, please! We need each other to find them!," Ben pleaded with his wife and he tried to get close to her.

Natalie moved away from Ben's attempts to comfort her. "I needed you to trust me! To do what I asked and you couldn't do it! You handed them to Snoke on a silver platter! If we never find them or if anything happens to them, I'll never forgive you! You betrayed me! You betrayed them!!," Natalie spat before she struck her husband across his face. All in the room were shocked. 

Both Ben and Natalie were crying as they looked at each other's faces. "How could you not know? Can't you tell that what he did to me has changed us forever? Don't you know that what he could do, will do to our children has changed us forever? You did this to us! You did this!," Natalie screamed as she struck Ben's face again and Poe got up from his seat to drag Natalie from the conference room. 

Everyone in the conference room was left stunned. Leia and Luke attended to Ben, who's face was drenched in tears. "She's right! I failed them! Snoke is going to kill our children if he hasn't already and it's all my fault!"

"Snoke did not got through all this to kill them. He wants to use them to extend his life or to fight for him. We'll find them, Ben. We'll help you.," Luke said.

"Natalie's just scared and hurt right now. She'll calm down. Give her some time.," Leia said.

"She hates me, mom! I can't reach her! Not anymore!"

"She loves you and your children, Ben. She wouldn't be this upset if her family weren't important to her.," Rey said. 

Ben gathered himself so he could go talk to his children. He'd let Nat have some time to herself. He knew she'd been through a lot, but he would probably never know the details of it all. Once they found Snoke, he'd make sure he paid for all the hell he'd put them through. 

Hux arranged for lunch to be served in the conference room so that everyone could strategize on finding Snoke and the babies. Leia stayed with Ben and Natalie's children in their quarters. Hux hadn't seen Poe since Natalie's earlier blow up and he had sent him a message about the lunch. He had yet to answer which wasn't like him. He supposed he would be by later. 

Rey, Ben, and Luke all returned to the conference room for the strategy session. There was still no sign of Natalie or Poe. Hux was about to get started when he got a ping on his data pad. It was a message from Poe. Hux's face fell when he read it. 

"I'd like to read you all something. It's a message from Poe. It says, "I'm sorry I won't be able to make the lunch. When she first woke up, Natalie asked for my help. You know me. I couldn't turn her down. She wanted to go after Snoke and she needed a pilot. She knew that no one would let her go, but she also knew that I couldn't let her go alone. I know you'll all be upset with us, but Snoke's trail is going cold and Natalie is probably the only one who can find him sooner rather than later. We'll be in touch as soon as we get a lead. I love you and I promise I'll be back to marry you once the children are back safe. I know you, Armie. You're reading this out loud to the others. No matter what she said, Natalie loves you, Ben. May the Force be with you all.""

"Damn, she's good!," Rey said.

____________________________________________________________________________

 

Poe was in the cockpit of the ship he had taken from the government hangar checking his readings and making sure the course was plotted for the quickest route. Natalie came back to sit next to him. "Back in the conference room, the things you said…did you mean it? Was it all true?"

"Snoke did perform surgery on me without anesthetic. He did torture me with hellish visions. You mean what I said to everyone about their connections to Snoke and how they should have known it was him. All the other things….the quick and dirty answer is I don't know. The more complicated answer……when you love someone you know how to hurt them. The thing is that when it comes to you wanting to hurt them for what ever reason, everything runs together. Everything you say in those moments comes from so many different places. Honestly, these kind of questions are giving me a headache and I need to focus…."

"Sorry."

"Thank you for helping me, Poe. I know I asked a lot of you. Hux will forgive you as long as you come back in one piece which I will make sure of."

"Lucky for you, Danger's my middle name!"

"There's plenty of that in store. I assure you, Poe."


	2. The One I Need To Forgive Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben reaches out to Natalie. Abeloth gives Natalie relationship advice. Natalie starts to come up with a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's lots of angst and probably will be for a while based on the subject matter.

Natalie was getting ready for bed in the refresher on the ship Poe had procured. She knew she probably wasn't going to sleep, but she had to try. The babies needed her. When Natalie looked up at the mirror, she nearly had a heart attack when she saw Ben staring back at her. "Nat, you're exhausted. I can feel it through our bond."

"I can't do this right now, Ben."

"Do what? You need to sleep if you're going to deal with Snoke. Fold back here and I can give you a massage. You'll sleep and you can fold back to the ship. Please!"

"Alright, give me a few minutes and I'll meet you in our quarters."

Natalie left the refresher to let Poe know what she was doing just in case something went wrong. "You better be careful, Natalie. Ben might change your mind about him!"

"Shut up, Poe! I'll see you in the morning."

Natalie Folded back to her and Ben's quarters. Ben was there waiting for her. He held his hand out waiting for Natalie to take it. She took it tentatively and he led her to their bedroom so he could attempt to massage her to sleep. Natalie took off her shirt cause it was pointless to leave it on for the massage. She laid down in the bed on her side as Ben took his usual place behind her. Natalie could feel Ben's warm breath against her neck as he started to massage her neck and shoulders with both hands. It was embarrassing the noises she was making. Ben moved down to her back and Natalie already felt like she would be asleep in minutes. Once Ben got to her low back, Natalie closed her eyes and fell into a deep sleep. Ben kept on with his massage for a little longer to make sure that Nat stayed asleep. He took a chance and wrapped his arms around his wife avoiding her C-section scar. He fell asleep soon after. 

Ben and Natalie slept for a few hours restfully before Natalie started dreaming. She flashed back to her delivery. She was reliving the pain that came from Snoke ripping her belly open and snatching her children out of her. He'd paralyzed her so she couldn't move. She screamed out in her mind, but no one could hear her, Ben didn't hear her….

Natalie awoke screaming in Ben's arms. Ben held her tightly and tried to comfort her, but she wriggled away from him. "Stay away from me!"

"Nat, just calm down. I'm not gonna hurt you."

"You did hurt me! You did!"

"I know and I'm sorry, but you need to forgive me so we can find our kids!"

Her face was soaked in tears and her heavy breathing was calming, but she could feel the truth in what Ben said. They needed each other to do this. Neither one of them could do it alone. Ben could see that Natalie was starting to accept the truth. 

"Ben…," Natalie said before she collapsed to the floor in tears.

Ben knelt down and held his wife tightly in his arms. He rubbed her back as she sobbed loudly. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry. I love you and all of our kids more than anything. We'll find the babies..together. I promise."

Ben kept whispering "I love you. It's ok." until it became like a lullaby for Nat and she eventually fell asleep in Ben's arms while they were sitting on the floor. Ben waited until he could hear the light snore he found adorable and indicated to him that she was sleeping deeply before he went to pick Nat up in his arms and bring her back to bed with him. He laid her on his chest while she slept. It had been a week and he just now realized how much he missed and needed to be close to her. He stroked her hair away from her face while she slept and ran his hand over the gnarled scars of her upper back. He let the rhythm of her breathing lull him to sleep. 

_____________________________________________________________________________

 

Natalie stirred awake and found herself lying on Ben's chest as he slept. She felt a lot better, but she was still exhausted. She got up and out of their bed to prepare to leave. She had to get back to the ship. It wasn't fair for her to be able to Fold back to be with her family when Poe was stuck on the ship. "Will you be back tonight?," Ben said.

"I don't know. I really need to be focused on looking for Snoke and our kids right now."

"It wouldn't be hard for you to make the trip back. The kids haven't seen you in a week. They miss you."

"I miss them too. I'll try to see them in a day or so."

"You need rest, Nat. You can't expect to do this without it. We both sleep better when we're together."

"I need to go. We'll talk later. Thank you." With that, Natalie folded back to the ship. 

There was still so much distance between them. Ben had told her he loved her last night, but she didn't say it back. He knew she loved him, but she'd been so devastated by what she felt was his betrayal. She had difficulty trusting him anymore and he couldn't blame her. He needed to do anything he could to win back her trust so he would do just that. 

______________________________________________________________________________

When Natalie returned to the ship, Poe was already awake and doing some maintenance checks. 

"So did you and Ben kiss and make up?"

"Not exactly. You know I can Fold you back if you want to see Hux. It's only fair."

"I'll keep it in mind. What's next for us?"

"Let's stay on our current course for now. I need to meditate. Maybe I can come up with some other Ideas."

Natalie found a quiet place on the ship to meditate. In minutes, she connected with the Force and called out to Abeloth. "How are you, my dear?"

"You already know the answer to that question. How did this happen? How could Snoke evade us like this?"

"It seems he took a page out of my book. He found a way to spread his DNA around the galaxy and it has now borne fruit. That's why we were unable to detect him directly. It doesn't appear he's perfected this however. The man you call Kestnor is merely an echo of Snoke. He can't exhibit his powers which is why he had to rely on manipulation to get a hold of your children. He needs to inhabit a being that already has a connection to the Force which is why he needed Ben so badly. If Snoke is able to inhabit one of your children, he could become unstoppable because of the joining of your's and Ben's bloodlines."

"How do we find them?"

"I wish there was an easy answer to that question, my child. I will do all I can to help you. The best advice I can give you is that you should start by forgiving yourself and Ben."

"You think that giving me relationship advice is going to help me?"

"Your relationship with Ben is a central part of your life. Denying that makes you weaker. Weaker is one thing you cannot be in dealing with Snoke. He is extremely good at sensing weakness and using it to his benefit. Your relationship with Ben is a great source of strength for you. Use it in fighting Snoke and to find your children. May the Force be with you."

Natalie meditated for another hour and then came out of it. Natalie made a beeline for Poe. "I need a favor."

"You mean another favor?"

"Yes. I need you to contact Hux. I need him to look into Snoke's projects, especially the ones he was investing a lot of time and money in. I need info on all the parties involved."

"I can do that. Would it be easier if we just went back?"

"No, cause if we go back, neither of us will want to leave. I think this is how we find the children the quickest and then we can get back to our lives."

"Ok, I'll contact him right now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constructive feedback will be appreciated!!


	3. The One Who's Trust I Need To Earn Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalie teaches Ben about casual sex. Ben asks Leia for advice. Ben forces Natalie's hand. Kestnor returns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some smut and some angst. The universe just loves putting these two through the ringer!!

It had been 7 weeks since Nat had woken up. She'd barely talked to Ben even though they saw each other regularly for the massages she needed to help her sleep. She and Poe were out chasing leads on Snoke and hoping to find Ben and Natalie's second set of twins. It was taking a toll on Ben so he knew it was even worse for Natalie. She still didn't trust him. He wasn't sure he could blame her, but she's spent little to no time at all with Xander, Lexi, and Bella. They missed her so much. Ben missed her too. Clearly, everything had changed for them. Ben wasn't sure they'd survive it. 

He was sitting on their bed in their government complex quarters awaiting Nat's arrival. He was hoping to get her to let him in, even if it was just a little. A minute later, Nat Folded in to their room. She looked beautiful. Her hair was cut in an asymmetric style that really flattered her while keeping the length. She was wearing a black jumpsuit that highlighted her body and it was getting difficult for Ben to focus on his original plans for the night. 

"Hi."

"Hello. You look great."

"I just needed to change things up. You really like it?"

"Yes. Yes, I do."

They stared at each other reminiscent of when they first met. They both slowly walked toward each other. Ben reached his hand out the trace his index finger along Natalie's facial scar. Suddenly, their lips crashed together and they both moaned loudly. Their hands moved over each other's bodies as if they'd never touched before. Ben lifted Natalie up in the air and sat on their bed with her straddling him as they continued to kiss passionately. Natalie tore her lips away from Ben's as she nipped and licked at his neck and removed his night shirt so she could appreciate his chest. She pushed him flat on his back and ran her hands over his nipples until they peaked then she nipped and licked at his chest attempting to make her way down to his crotch. She wasted no time in sliding off his shorts to go after his dick. "Baby, I missed you so much!," Ben cried as Natalie went to work on him. The mix of Ben's precome, Natalie's saliva, and the sounds she was making while sucking him off nearly made him come right then. He felt the phantom finger stroking his prostate and he knew he wouldn't last long. Ben carded his hands through Nat's hair and gently held on to it while her mouth was still on his dick. A minute later when his tip hit the back of her throat, he came with a shout and spilled his load in her mouth. He brought her back up to kiss her lips and taste himself there. "I love you.," Ben whispered against Nat's lips. "Shhh, no talking!," Natalie whispered back and she took out a condom. "I need you to use this. I'll put it on you, ok?"

Ben was a little confused, but he understood. They didn't need to worry about the risk of more kids right now. He nodded his head in agreement and Nat opened the condom wrapper then used her mouth to put the condom on Ben's dick. He thought that might have been one of the sexiest things he's ever seen. He really needed to be inside her. Ben removed Natalie's clothes and attempted to slide his hand across her C-section scar. Natalie nearly jumped out of her skin. "Did I hurt you? I'm sorry. I didn't mean--"

"It's ok, Ben. It's just a little sensitive. I'm fine. Just stay away from it, ok?," Natalie said as she tried to get Ben to continue.

"We don't have to--"

"I promise. It's fine. Don't worry. Please! I need this!" Natalie softly kissed Ben's lips to coax him back toward the direction of sex. Ben slowly forgot his concerns and succumbed to Natalie's kisses. Natalie maneuvered them so she was straddling Ben and Ben helped her lower herself on to his dick. They both shuddered from the contact that had seemed so long in coming. After a minute, Natalie started to move as Ben held her hips and ass firmly. Ben thrusted his hips to meet her and Natalie leaned down to kiss Ben hungrily. Their moans were embarrassingly loud, but they didn't care. They chased their orgasms with abandon and they both screamed loudly when they came together. They basked in the afterglow for a moment before Natalie lifted herself off of Ben so he could discard the condom in a nearby trash can and clean himself up in the refresher. When Ben came back to bed, Natalie immediately attacked him so she could entice him into another round of sex. It took little time and effort to convince him. After a few more rounds of sex, Natalie jumped in the shower. Ben tried to join her, but she gently shoved him away. She dried herself off and got redressed. "You're leaving?"

"Yea, I've gotta get back. I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight.," Natalie said as she kissed Ben goodbye and Folded back to the ship.

Ben was confused again. What just happened? Did Nat just use him for sex? He wasn't sure about it, what to make of it, but it kept happening every night for the next month. 

Ben had taken to drinking coffee to help him stay awake during the day. He and his mom were dealing with the kids during the day and he was having marathon sex with his wife at night. Leia was starting to worry about him. "Ben, are you alright?"

"Honestly, Mom, I'm not. Can I ask you for some advice? Person to person not mother to son."

"Yes, of course." 

"You know Nat's been coming to visit me at night?"

"Ben, everyone in the near vicinity knows it. You two can get pretty loud--"

"Thanks for that, but that's not what I need advice on. I can't get her to talk to me. All we do is have sex and then she leaves. I love the sex. That's not the problem. It's like we're not connecting at all. I tell her I love her and she shushes me. After we're done, she can't wait to wash me off of her. It's like I'm losing her. It's happening in slow motion and I can't do anything to stop it. She's barely seen the kids since--. I know they miss her so much, but she never asks about them."

"She's been through an awful lot recently. She's probably also suffering from some postpartum depression as well. Maybe you guys should see that counselor from before that talked to you after she had Bella. "

"I don't think she'd go for it. "

"Ben, you have to do something to help her get past this. Help you get past this. You're probably both self medicating with sex, but your problems are still there. This can't be helping you guys find the babies or deal with Snoke."

"I'll talk to her tonight. I just have to force her to listen to me. Mom, thanks for listening."

"You're welcome, Ben."

When Ben knew his wife was due to be coming, he sat on his bed waiting. Nat showed up a few minutes later looking gorgeous as always and testing his resolve to just talk with her tonight. 

"Hi.," Natalie said as she went in to kiss Ben full on the mouth. 

Ben gently grabbed her hands. "Can we talk please?"

"Ok, what's up? Are the kids and Leia ok?"

"They're fine. I wanna talk about us."

"What about us? We're fine."

"We're not fine, Nat. This is the most we've talked in months. You shower right after sex with me and then you leave. I tell you I love you and you don't say it back. I know you're struggling, baby. Just talk to me!"

"We can save all that for after we find the kids! I just need to relieve some stress. Don't you? Let's just not think about anything, Ben.," Natalie said as she stroked Ben's facial scar and massaged his dick through his shorts. Ben really had to focus to keep Nat from distracting him.

"I want you to come home, Nat! You need to see the kids. They miss you. I miss you!! "

"You want me to abandon the search for our babies? Ben, we're getting closer everyday! I can feel it!"

"I don't know how close you're getting cause you don't tell me anything! Of course, I want to keep searching, but you are losing yourself and us by continuing this way! We should both be doing this together! 

Natalie's eyes rolled to the back of her head, her eyelids closed, and she exhaled as she ran her hand through her hair to show her exasperation. "I can't do this right now! I can't unpack all this shit right now while our children are still out there and Snoke is doing God knows what to them!"

"I love and worry for them just as much as you! Do you still love me?"

"What kind of question is that? Of course I do!"

"Do you still trust me?"

"I…I can't….I have to go….," Natalie trailed off and attempted to leave, but Ben grabbed her as gently as he could.

"Nat, do you still trust me?!" Ben pleaded with Natalie for an answer.

"Ben, don't make me do this. Please?" Tears were streaming down her face now. 

He knew the answer. He could feel it through their bond. He couldn't blame her for not trusting him. "How can I fix it? How do I get you to trust me again?" Ben was crying too by now. 

Natalie pushed Ben toward the bed gently and she straddled him after he sat down. She kissed and stroked Ben's tear soaked face. "Make love to me. I love you. I'll come home to you and the kids. We'll find the babies together. I need you. Please.," She carded her hand through his hair and tried to draw him in to a deep kiss. Ben just wanted to drown in her right now.

"We can't fuck our way out of this!"

"I know that! We'll figure it out, Ben. Let's just make each other feel good right now.," She pecked at his lips repeatedly until he opened his mouth to her. They held each other's faces in each other's hands while they kissed. Something changed in their bond and it seemed that it reopened for them. Natalie had been closing herself off from Ben for months and they both had suffered for it. The connection that Ben was looking for was back. He pulled away from their kiss and leaned his forehead against hers. He felt whole again.

Ben buried his nose in his wife's neck. He took in the scent of her before he placed some butterfly kisses about Natalie's jaw, neck, and chest. Natalie moaned at Ben's ministrations. Ben could feel Natalie's increasing fear as he made his way down her abdomen to her C-section scar. He was about to kiss and touch her scar when Natalie grabbed Ben by his hair. "Don't, please," she said with tears in her eyes. Ben could feel what was wrong. She was reliving the pain of her surgery from the delivery of their twins. He wasn't able to pick up on it before because they had essentially been having casual sex before by Nat's design. Now that their bond was open on both sides, he could feel everything that she was feeling. Ben got up from his position and laid on the bed to take his wife in his arms. "It's ok, baby. It's ok.," he said as he stroked her hair, face, and back. Natalie let the floodgates open. All the pain, frustration, and struggle she'd had since Kestnor ripped her body open and took her children from her came out. Ben couldn't believe his wife had been holding all of this in and he could understand her hesitance in trusting him. Kestnor had hurt her deeply, but Ben had hurt her just as much if not more. It was an hour and a half before Ben could get Natalie calmed down enough to go to sleep. Ben stayed up another half hour to make sure she stayed comfortably asleep before he closed his eyes to rest. 

Natalie awoke 5 hours later from a mostly restful sleep except for the violent dreams that Snoke had placed in her head. They were the reason she tried not to sleep. She didn't know if it was better to avoid sleep because of those nightmares. Luckily, her medical training had taught her how to go on even with some measure of sleep deprivation. She moved away from Ben's arms and prepared to get into the shower. When she stepped under the water spray, Ben entered the refresher as well. He joined his wife in the shower to help her get herself together. He already knew she was leaving again. There was no point in trying to stop her. One of them had to be out there looking for their kids. Nat was in absolutely the most horrible mental shape to be doing it, but he knew she could let it drive her appropriately. Poe could be there to pull her back while Ben and Leia looked after their other kids. 

After they showered, they toweled off and dressed. "Will you at least see the kids before you go?"

"I don't know if I'll be able to go if I see them, Ben. I miss them so much. I have to focus on finding the babies. I can't do anymore emotional exploration right now or else I won't be able to get out of bed!"

"Ok, but after this last mission, I am taking your place!"

"Alright. I promise."

"Baby, I know I hurt you. I wish that I could take it back, but I can't. I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. The babies need us. Let's make Kestnor pay for fucking with us!"

"I love it when you talk dirty to me.," Natalie said as she grabbed Ben's hair to pull him into a kiss. "And you owe me a haircut, Mr. Solo." 

Natalie Folded back to the ship to continue her mission with Poe. 

 

2 days later, Ben and Leia were playing with the kids when alarms started blaring building wide. Ben got a comm from Hux. "Ben, you need to get down to the hangar right away!" He made sure that the kids and Leia were secure and he headed to the hangar. 

When Ben made it to the hangar area, he could see that security had a man that looked very familiar with their blasters trained on him. Hux was observing from the sidelines when he saw Ben coming toward them and he made a beeline toward him. "We've already checked the ship. He came alone."  
The prisoner caught the eyes of both Ben and Hux. "General Hux and Kylo Ren, the First Order's best and brightest! Clearly, I've been gone too long! You've both forgotten how to address your Supreme Leader!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love trying to write about things you might not see in most fics. I feel like Natalie based on her history would definitely be going through some post traumatic stress from her forced delivery by Kestnor. I'd love to talk about this stuff with you guys. Or we could talk about TLJ if we can keep it respectful!!


	4. The One Who Will Be Heard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kestnor returns and everyone has their say!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter is very dialogue heavy, but I still think it's entertaining!!

Ben was pacing non-stop in the control room of the interrogation wing. He needed to get himself together. Kestnor was sitting there on the other side of the glass. His hands itched to choke the life out of him, but he was the only link to finding his children. "Ben, please! You have to calm down! I know you're anxious--"

"Hux, we need to contact Nat and Poe!"

"You're right. Let's get to communications. The guards can handle him. He returned for a reason and I'm sure he's not planning on leaving anytime soon."

Ben and Hux made their way to communications. They hailed Nat and Poe's ship. "Armie, what's going on?"

"Poe, Kestnor's at the complex…alone. Is Natalie there?"

"I'm here. What's happening?"

"Nat, he's back! Without the kids!"

"Hux, I'm really sorry to do this to you. You need to move Kestnor to your black site right away!"

"Armie, what the fuck is she talking about?"

"Poe, I was going to tell you---"

"Get the fuck over it! If he's there, he is setting us up for something and you don't want him at the complex!! Hux, you need to do another security check of your people! Especially anyone who was with you before Snoke's supposed death. You must have a mole otherwise how would he know you needed an OB/GYN! Ben and I will leave you two alone. " Natalie left Hux and Poe to argue while she made her way to the refresher. 

Natalie splashed her face with some water from the refresher sink. When she lifted her face back up toward the mirror over the sink, she could see her husband's face. "You look tired. Have you been sleeping?"

"Not really. I don't think I have to tell you not to hurt him too badly, do I?"

"I won't kill him even though I want to."

"He's Snoke, but without the Force powers. It's why he needed you. The host has to have a Force connection already. Ben, he'll say anything to get under your skin. It's a power he has over people even more than what he can do with the Force. You know that more that anyone."

"Yes, I do. What are you and Poe gonna be doing while we're questioning him?"

"I have one last lead to follow up on before I turn things over to you, baby. For all we know, he could know we're getting close and it's making him nervous."

"If that's the case then he could be tracking your ship. You and Poe could be in danger!"

"We're all in danger when it comes to Snoke! It doesn't matter what we do! As long as we get our children back, I don't care about the danger! Do me a favor. See if Hux can set it up so I can listen in on the interrogation."

"Ok, I'll ask him. Please be careful, Nat. I love you."

"I love you, baby. You be careful, too."

She left the refresher to return to the cockpit where Poe was sitting and looking pissed off. "If it makes you feel any better, he wasn't lying when he said he was going to tell you."

"The fact that he did it without consulting me is why I'm upset! I trusted him!"

"You can still trust him, Poe. You know him! He didn't get this far without some level of paranoia!"

"He's not supposed to lie to me!"

"You lied to get us here, Poe! I appreciate it and I know it doesn't equate, but there are always gonna be situations like this for you two. If you can't trust each other then--"

"So it's easy for you to trust Ben after what happened with Kestnor?"

"No, it isn't! But I love him! He would never have trusted Kestnor if he knew what it would cost us! His intentions were not for me to be hurt. I trust that he loves me and only wants what's best for me. I think it's the same for you and Hux. If I'm wrong then you shouldn't be with him! I'm gonna try to get some rest. Let me know if anything comes up."

___________________________________________________________________________________

 

Kestnor was moved with haste to the black site that Hux had established. The chief interrogator spent an hour with Kestnor and predictably came up with nothing. Luke then decided to try talking to Kestnor.

"Grandmaster Jedi Luke Skywalker. To what do I owe the honor?"

"You know why I'm here. Just tell us where the babies are and it will all be over."

"Based on our previous partnership, I expected a better opening from you. You've been out of exile too long, I see."

"How were you able to do it, Snoke? Cheat death. I have to know."

"Again very ham-handed for someone of your stature."

"What would a creature like you want with 2 innocent children, Snoke?"

"I could have use for those children, but I just want what I am owed."

"And what would that be?"

"Talk with your nephew about that, Skywalker. Maybe if the Force is with me, I'll be able to discuss it with him myself. Are we done with the preliminaries now?"

Luke left the interrogation room and entered the control room to discuss his conversation with Rey, Hux, and Ben. "It's very fascinating. I sense everything of Snoke except for the Force. He's Force null now. I think we should keep him talking. His hubris will be his downfall."

"I'll take a stab at it next.," Hux said before he entered the interrogation room. 

"General Hux, it's so good to see you again. Tell me, how is the whole emperor thing going? Clearly, I can't stand in your way anymore. How did you manage to convince the galaxy to forgive you for Starkiller base? You killed billions! I underestimated you! Perhaps I should have been the power behind you as Supreme Leader."

"Why did you come back, Snoke?," Hux said with a blank expression.

"I assure you. I don't intend to take any power from you, General. I just want what I am owed!"

"No one owes you anything, Snoke! You lost and you're sore about it. You chose to take it out on those two babies. Give them back and I will make sure that you live out the rest of your days as comfortably as possible."

"That is a tempting offer, General. I think I am owed so much more and those babies will remain with me until I get it!"

"Look, tell me what it is and ---"

"General, your former co-commander is well aware of what I want. If he would like to discuss it then we may get somewhere. Until then, this is a waste of our time."

Hux left the interrogation room to return to the control room so he could discuss things with the others. 

"He clearly wants to talk with you, Ben. I'm not sure how much longer we can put this off."

"Let me have a go.," Rey said before she stepped into the interrogation room. 

"Aaah, the scavenger! How's training going with Skywalker?"

"You and I both know you don't care about my training. You wanted me to train with you, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did. I thought you had been the most interesting new thing in the galaxy until Kylo met her. Can I be honest? Before I was sufficiently distracted, I had plans for you and my apprentice to mix your bloodlines. It seemed the Force had other plans and the Force always knows best it seems. Those children will affect the galaxy for generations to come."

"Why do you need them? You want them as new apprentices?"

"They are much too young for that and I quite frankly don't have the patience for it. That, however, does not lessen their value to me."

"I remember you talking to me in my mind when I was fighting Kylo. You wanted me to kill him. Why?"

"You should thank me, child. I was trying to spur on your killer instinct. It worked for a time, but again, the Force had other plans. So what are you now? A Jedi? Have you returned to scavenging again? I'm sure whatever you're doing is a waste of your potential!"

"What about your potential, Snoke? You're trapped in a Force null casket waiting for your natural life to end! You'll never be what you once were!"

"My dear, as long as those children are in my possession, my potential remains a reality! Now, girl, let's stop with the games! Get Kylo Ren in here so we can get down to business!!"

Rey returned to the control room. "He's not gonna give us anything until you talk to him, Ben."

"Hux, have you gotten the audio feed set up for Nat?"

"It's been up since the interrogator was in there. She's been able to hear everything so far as I know."

"Ben, are you sure you're up to this?," Luke said.

"It's time. We can't stall anymore."

Ben entered the interrogation room. "Kylo Ren, thank you for seeing me. Your friends kept me company while I was waiting. Tell me, how is the lovely Natalie?"

"Where are they, Snoke?"

"Oh no, that won't do! We will get to that in time. I suppose I can assume that your wife is attempting to find your children with Hux's pilot. Tell me Kylo, why would you let her put herself at risk like that when she's been through such an ordeal!"

Ben had to steady himself. "You are the one who put her through that ordeal!"

"I disagree. She would not be going through this were it not for you! You owe me a debt and I will not stop until I get what is owed to me! I suppose I can't completely blame you, Kylo. She is quite exquisite isn't she even with the scars and the age on her, but those things attracted you more, didn't they? She must have taught you quite a bit. You know when I had her body brought to me for her resurrection, I must admit I was quite tempted. Has it ever occurred to you in that time that so much could have happened? She was unconscious most of the time---," Kestnor said before he started to choke.

"Where are my children and what have you done to them, Snoke?," Ben said before he released the choke.

"I assure you, Kylo. Those children have not been harmed in any way. They will be returned to your family once I receive what I'm owed."

"Why do I owe you anything, Snoke?"

"Kylo, you were well on your way to becoming the most powerful Force user in the galaxy until you ran into the scavenger. Then you abandoned your training for love and again I can't blame you for that because she was a once in a lifetime opportunity for you. I offered to save her life for you and you let her die so I stepped in. I never even got a thank you from you! I put considerable resources into her!"

"Don't forget to mention that when she left you tried to kill her and our children!"

"Kylo, you're right. I was misguided and I apologize for that, but you've forgiven your uncle for the same crime, have you not?"

"Luke thought he was protecting the galaxy. You knew you couldn't control her so you reacted out of fear! Why do you fear my wife, Snoke?"

"Kylo, you want to talk about fear, do you? Your greatest fear is not being there to protect them. I don't need the Force to tell me that. Your fear of losing your wife and children will get me what I want!"

"She's always had the book on you even before she had her powers. She has been our greatest resource on you! Why is that? Have you seen it? Did the Force tell you that she is the one who will destroy you?"

"Enough! This is a simple transaction! I have your children, you want them! You have what I want and I will give you your children back for it! Do we have a deal, Kylo?"

"There will be no deal until I have my say, Snoke!!," Natalie said as she Folds into the interrogation room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Kestnor/Snoke thing may be a bit annoying, but I'm trying to hammer home that Snoke is trapped in the shell of Kestnor and has no use of his Force powers. This does not necessarily mean he is any less dangerous!!


	5. The One Who Needs To Rest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalie, Ben, and Kestnor go back and forth. The chapter gets a happy ending sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Force can't always guarantee a win. Intellect and planning may win out in this case.

Natalie took a seat at the interrogation room table next to Ben and across from Kestnor.

"My dear, you look lovely as always." Kestnor said as he leaned closer to the table to get a closer look at Natalie. "Upon further inspection, I can see the dark circles under your eyes and the look of exhaustion. How've you been sleeping these days?," he said with a smirk.

"You hate me with all your being, don't you?"

"Hate is probably an oversimplification on your part. You have been a thorn in my side since before we even met. My apprentice's obsession with you ruined my plans for him and myself. I can accept that I have been defeated by a Force more powerful than myself. I will not accept that my quest to extend my life has ended. Thus, the reason why we are all here now."

"Why didn't you kill me when you had the chance?"

"I never had a desire to kill you, Natalie. The Force demanded changes and even I can see the future of the Force will be better because of you and your children. Not to mention that you and my former apprentice are Force bonded. Had I killed you, he would never submit to being the host for me. "

"And you think he will now?"

"To save you and your children, he will! Even you must see the eventuality in this!"

Natalie's eyes blackened and she Force lifted Kestnor from his chair and against the wall as she moved to touch his chest. "Do you know that I could put my hand through your chest in this place and Fold with your heart in my hand in another place?"

"Believe me, I can appreciate the Force adaptations you have and it makes me wish that I had had you as an apprentice instead. But it was not to be. I know you wish to kill me with all your being! Do you want your children back or not?," Kestnor said defiantly. 

Natalie's eyes returned to their normal brown color and she released her hold on Kestnor without a care for how he landed. She walked out of the interrogation room without a word to anyone and then she entered the control room with Hux, Luke, and Rey. "Hux, I need a team of your 4 best men so I can go get my children! I know where they are!," Natalie said when the door closed and she was out of Kestnor's earshot.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Kestnor was struggling a bit to get up from where Natalie had let him fall.

"You'll excuse me if I don't help you up!," Ben said from his seat.

"Thank you for your concern, Kylo. This body is just a temporary shell so I'll make do until I have my more permanent home very soon."

"What makes you think that?"

"You can kill this body, but I'll just keep coming back! I have more backup plans than you and your whore have ----" Kestnor said as he again started to choke again.

Ben Force lifts Kestnor against the wall and continues the choke as he gets right next to one of his ears to whisper, "You can say anything you wish about me, but if you ever disrespect my wife again, it will be the last time!"

Kestnor takes a moment to collect himself when Ben releases the choke before he whispers into Ben's ear. "You know there is no escaping this fate. Our fates were sealed together when I found you as a child. I promise you that I will not touch them once we are one."

Ben knew that the listening devices would not pick up their conversation so he continued the whispering. "How am I supposed to trust you to keep such a promise after all this?"

"I'm no fool, Kylo. I knew the point of your wife showing up here and that she has already found your children. I've tired of these games. I just want to move on with my new existence. And I know you still want to prove that you are deserving of your family because of all your misdeeds. This is the best path to keeping them safe. I will give you 30 days to say goodbye to them which is exceedingly generous. After that, you'll return here to collect me. "

Ben dropped Kestnor to the floor not caring where he landed and left the interrogation room. Natalie had communicated through their bond that she had indeed found their children and was taking them to the government complex med bay to be looked at. He let the others in the control room know what was happening. He could have asked his wife to Fold back for him, but he wasn't going to chance asking her to leave the babies alone when they just got them back. He ran to the black site hangar to get on his ship and make his way back to the complex med bay. He tried to focus on seeing his children again since their kidnapping and reuniting his family rather than this business with Snoke. 

Ben got back to the government complex in record time. He set the ship down at the airfield and Hux had a transport waiting for him to get him to the med bay. When the transport got him to the building, he ran to the med bay and he saw his wife with their children from the door. They were all so beautiful. Both he and his wife had tears come to their eyes, but they were happy ones. The babies were fine according to the medical staff. Natalie, of course, had already consulted Abeloth to see if their were any of Snoke's surprises left behind in the children's minds or anywhere else and they found nothing. They indulged in their children for a few moments before either of them spoke. 

"I think we should name them and then head home. Is that ok?," Natalie said.

Ben, of course, agreed and they named the babies. Bridget Valentina Solo and Declan Robert Solo went to meet their siblings and their grandmother and they all said goodbye to Hux, Poe, Rey, and Luke before they loaded on to Ben's ship to head back to their Seattle home. 

It took a while to get the kids settled because it had been while since their family unit including Leia had all been together. It was pretty late for them before Ben and Natalie could retire to their bedroom with their sleeping 3 month olds. They stared at each other, exhausted, with Natalie leading the race in that department. "How long did he give you?," Natalie said after a long exhale and a hand over her eyes. 

"30 days."

"He told you that he would leave us alone, didn't he? Do you believe him?"

"It's Snoke. There's no trusting anything with him."

"Well, we'll have to make the most of it then! Can you make me a promise?"

"You know I'll do anything to make it happen, baby. What is it?"

"During the day, you and I will give our all to our children and your mom but when we're alone here or as alone as we can be with our twins in here with us, you're all mine and I'm all yours. We don't talk about Snoke outside of this room unless we can guarantee it's just us that can hear it."

"I can keep that promise, but let's forget about "him" for now. Can we just focus on us, please?"

"What did you have in mind, Mr. Solo?"

Ben makes sure he puts up a Force bubble and reaches a hand out to stroke his wife's face as she leans into his touch. "I want all that you want to give me." Ben leans in to kiss Natalie's lips slowly and he gradually works to explore her mouth with his tongue. When their tongues meet, they both moan as they relax into their proximity. They quickly stripped off their clothes to enjoy their nakedness in bed. Ben's hands made their way to Natalie's ass and Natalie's hands made their way to his chest. Natalie had to laugh once they had briefly pulled away from their kiss. "What's so funny?"

"Is my ass your favorite part of my body?"

"I wouldn't say it's my favorite, but I certainly appreciate it quite a bit. I love every part of you and I plan on showing you just how much." With that, Ben ran kisses along her facial scar until he got to her neck where he nuzzled his nose for a moment. He always heard and felt through their bond a deep satisfaction from his wife when he appreciated her neck. He didn't know why and he had sometimes wondered about it, but in the end, it was something that didn't need an explanation and he noted it as something that deeply satisfied him about her. 

Ben gently nipped and licked at Natalie's neck as she purred and he felt that deep satisfaction in both of them. He diverted to kiss her lips quickly before he made his way down to her scarred chest. He worked to elicit those same feelings in both of them while he moved his lips, teeth, mouth, and tongue over her chest. Natalie looked down at him and ran her hand through his hair while he continued his ministrations. He slowly made his way down to her lower abdomen and she felt some anxiety about it even though she didn't want to. Ben looked up at her before he continued as if to ask for and receive permission before he went forward. Natalie slowly nodded her head to let him know it was ok. Ben proceeded tentatively by placing his lips at the left end of her C-section scar as she inhaled and gripped his hair more tightly. She slowly relaxed as he made his way to the opposite of end of the scar with his kisses followed up by his fingers running across the edges of her scar.

Ben made his way back up to Natalie's lips to kiss her and he laid his forehead against hers. They shared each other's air for a few moments and felt a peace that they hadn't felt in what seemed like forever. Ben was absentmindedly massaging his wife's neck as she purred and he could feel that she was understandably exhausted. "How about a massage before bed?"

"Yes, that sounds wonderful.," Natalie said drowsily. Ben took his favorite spot behind her in bed and proceeded to rub her muscles down. She went to sleep in no time. Ben truly would rather his wife get some rest and leave sex for another time. He reflected on their situation for a brief time before he drifted off to sleep with his arms wrapped around his wife's middle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry. There is smut to come!!


	6. The One Who Must Leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Natalie settle in with their 5 kids and Leia. Ben keeps it real with Leia.

Natalie was slowly waking up from the best night's rest she's had in a long time. She was in bed alone and the twins were not in the room with her. She started to sit up in bed when Ben came in with a breakfast tray for her. "Don't worry. Bridget and Declan are with my mom and I fed the other kids a little earlier. Everyone's fine. You needed to get some sleep. "

"Ben, you didn't have to do this! We're supposed to be handling this stuff together!"

"It's just one day. We'll jump right in together tomorrow now that you've gotten some rest."

"Thank you for last night. I'm sorry I ruined things by being tired."

"You didn't ruin anything. You've been through so much lately. We both have. I will be jumping your bones soon enough, Mrs. Solo. Now eat! I'll be back to get the tray in a bit. If you need anything else, call me." Ben left Natalie alone to enjoy her breakfast. It didn't take long cause she was starving. She started missing her kids for a moment. A minute later, Xander, Lexi, and Bella came running into the bedroom as Ben opened the door. "Good morning my babies!"

"I'm not a baby, Mommy! Daddy says I'm gonna be the man of the house soon!," Xander said as his mother hugs him and his sisters.

"You will all always be my babies no matter how old you get! I'll tell you guys what. Let Mommy get dressed and we'll play in a little bit, ok?"

All the children agreed and left their mom alone in the bedroom. Ben took the breakfast tray out of the room and led all the kids to their rooms. Ben returned to their bedroom and closed the door behind him. "You told Xander he's going to be the man of the house? Baby, he takes that stuff seriously!"

"Ok, I know where this is going and may I remind you that it's day time! We can argue about this tonight when we're alone. Get dressed and go play with the kids!," Ben said as he quickly kissed his wife before he left the room. 

Natalie went in the bathroom, brushed her teeth, got in the shower, and toweled off before getting dressed in some workout clothes and putting her hair up messily. She went and grabbed Xander, Lexi, and Bella for some playtime. "Alright guys. Can you keep a secret?," Natalie whispered to her children.

"Yes, Mommy!," The three kids said quietly.

"Ok, there's a secret entrance to the gym downstairs that only I know about, but I'm gonna show it to you only if you promise not to tell anyone. You guys promise?"

"Yes, Mommy!" The kids again said quietly. Natalie picked up Bella in her arms while Xander and Lexi followed her in to the elevator. Once the elevator doors closed, she punched in a different code that got them downstairs, but opened the opposite set of doors once they got down to the gym level. Everyone unloaded from the elevator and Natalie left the kids on the mats for a moment to turn on the music system. Ben was on the opposite side of the gym trying to get in a quick workout himself when he saw his wife and 3 of his kids come in. He got curious when his wife ran back to be with the kids so he stopped his workout to look at what was going on.

I stay out too late  
Got nothing in my brain  
That's what people say mm-mm  
That's what people say mm-mm

Natalie was singing out loud and dancing with their kids. She was radiant and the kids were enjoying themselves. This was how things were supposed to be for them. All the drama and turmoil felt like it was almost worth it for moments like this. Ben smiled to himself and returned to his workout before he returned upstairs to shower. After he showered, Ben went to relieve his mom of Bridget and Declan. They were both sleeping so Ben decided to talk with Leia for a bit. "Mom, I can't thank you enough for all the help you've given us with the kids. It would have been so much harder to do this without you."

"I've been happy to do it, Ben. What else is on your mind, son?"

"I have to give Snoke what he wants. He gave me a month to say goodbye."

"Ben, no! There has to be another way!"

"There isn't. This is the only way I can protect everyone. Nat and I are making peace with it. I need you to as well."

"Han sacrificed himself to save you! You owe it to him to---"

"I wish there was something else I could do, but there isn't! I am thankful for what dad did for me everyday, but I think even he would want me to put my family first! That's why I think you should do your best to make yourself happy, Mom! There's happiness out there for you and whatever or whoever that is, you should find it!"

"For now, being a grandmother to your children makes me happy. If you're leaving, then Natalie will need my help."

"We'd both appreciate it if you stayed to help, but if you couldn't--"

"Ben, the best place for me to be would be with Natalie and the kids. How do you know Snoke will keep his word?"

"I don't but we're---"

Natalie and their older kids came bursting through the door from the gym laughing loudly. When Natalie saw that Ben and Leia were in serious conversation, she quieted the kids and led them to their rooms to play on their own until lunch was ready. Natalie returned to the living room where Ben and Leia were sitting. "Everything ok, Ben?"

"Yea, just keeping Mom in the loop. I'm gonna get lunch ready, ok.," Ben said as he quickly kissed his wife before making his way into the kitchen. 

"Can we talk in your room, Leia?," Natalie said after Ben goes to the kitchen. 

Natalie and Leia go into Leia's room and Natalie shuts the door. "Are you ok?"

"Of course, I'm not ok! My son is leaving his family for Snoke again! Why are you letting him do this?"

"We don't have a choice! I have 5 children I have to think about! If there was a way to get Ben out of this, I would! I just need to focus on the kids! It isn't their fault that the adults can't get their shit together! We need to enjoy the time we have left! That's all we can do!"

Leia knew in her heart that Natalie was right, but it still hurt to be on the precipice of losing her son to Snoke again. "Is it ok if I stay? You can't do this alone, Natalie. I can help."

"Of course, it's ok. Just don't think you have to give up your own life to help us, Leia. You need to live for yourself too."

Leia hugged Natalie. "I'm glad Ben found you and that you and the kids could make him happy even if it was just for a little while."

"They make me happy too. It's not over. I refuse to believe that. I think we can find our way back to each other someday soon." Natalie and Leia made their way back out to the living room. The twins started to stir and Natalie was about to go check on them, but Leia stopped her so she could go instead. Natalie walked to the kitchen to join Ben. He was warming up some soup to go with the sandwiches he was making for lunch. 

"Do you mind if we spar a little after we put the kids down for naps after lunch?

"By spar do you mean really spar or the poor excuse we've used in the past to have sex in the gym?"

"I mean really spar. The sex part can come later when we're alone in our room!"

Ben backed Natalie up against the island in the kitchen. "Ok, we can spar, but no funny business. I already know you fight dirty, Mrs. Solo!"

"I promise I'll be on my best behavior, Mr. Solo." They kissed briefly before they separated so Ben could finish lunch. Natalie went to get Xander, Lexi, and Bella so she could sit them at the kitchen table for lunch then she went to relieve Leia of the twins so she could also eat. 

_________________________________________________________________________________

 

Natalie had already showered and was already in bed and sleeping by the time Ben had cleaned up after dinner and put his older kids to bed. He knew his wife was still slowly getting back to herself after running herself ragged and exhausted looking for their newest set of twins. He grabbed a quick shower and joined her in bed. Once Ben settled in bed, Natalie stirred awake. "Hey baby.," Natalie said as she sleepily kissed Ben hello. "Hey sleepyhead.," Ben said as he slowly deepened their lazy kiss. 

"You should get some more rest, Nat."

"I'm ok. I can rest later. I wanna make you come. Please let me.," Natalie said before she nipped at his bottom lip. Ben was half hard when they started to kiss, but he was now fully hard and eager to let Nat do her work after that offer. She lingered on his lips for a moment before she tantalized his mouth open with her tongue. Both of them moaned softly as their mouths met with darting tongues. Ben slid his hand into Natalie's hair at the nape of her neck. When she pulled back from their kiss, he looked into her eyes. "You're so beautiful.," Ben said before he rested his forehead against hers for a moment. After a few beats, Natalie ran some kisses along Ben's jawline. She nipped at his ear and the warmth of her breath against the skin there tickled him and made him laugh out loud, prompting him to remember to put up the Force bubble. From there, she moved down to his neck to glide her tongue over the pulses on both sides. When Natalie got to Ben's chest to continue her ministrations, she reached her hand down to Ben's cock to stroke him gently and use the Force to keep him from coming too quickly. She sucked some bruises into the skin of his chest, but didn't draw blood. Ben relished the pain and moaned in pleasure. He could feel the phantom finger stroking his prostate slowly. Natalie moved down to Ben's groin to take his balls into her soft, wet mouth and roll them around. Ben's groin felt like it could explode as his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he groaned loudly. He reached a hand down to touch Natalie's hair and run his fingers through her loose dark curls. She released his balls gently and licked his dick from the base to the tip. She went about cleaning his dick of the precome that had leaked over him. Ben wanted to thrust his hips so badly, but he held off for now. Natalie took his tip into her mouth and bobbed her head while she stroked him from the base of his penis. She released the Force hold on him. "Baby, you can come now. It's ok.," she projected into his mind. Ben grabbed Natalie's hair just a bit tighter and thrusted a few times until his tip touched the back of her throat. His load spilled down her throat and Natalie swallowed it down without losing a drop. Natalie made her way up to Ben's lips to kiss him deeply eliciting moans from both of them. "I love you.," she said as she pulled away from their kiss.

"I love you too, baby.," Ben said as he moved behind his wife to massage her to sleep. Natalie went to sleep in minutes and Ben went to sleep not long after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to Taylor Swift for her song "Shake it off." I could totally see Natalie being the cool mom and dancing to this song with her kids!!


	7. The One Who Is Always There For Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Natalie bring Twitch fully into their inner circle. Chapter ends with a little safer sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. Been working, started a new fic, as well as dealing with a little writer's block and some depression. Probably could have made this a little longer, but I thought I reached a natural endpoint for the chapter.

The next day, Ben, Natalie, and Leia discussed it and decided it was time to bring Twitch in on their secrets. He was a part of their family and he had proven himself to be extremely loyal. They invited him to dinner and he stayed to talk with Ben and Natalie after the kids and Leia went to bed. 

Ben and Natalie led him down to the gym so they could talk without disturbing everyone. "So you guys bring me over to fatten me up and then tell me I need to work out?"

Natalie went over to Twitch to hold his hand. "Just do me a favor. Close your eyes and think of a place you want to be right now more than anywhere in the world." Twitch did as she asked. Natalie keyed in on his selected location and pulled him forward. Suddenly, they were standing on a Tahitian beach with a row of palm trees nearby and a warm breeze rolling over their skin right next to an ocean that was the clearest blue that either of them had ever seen. Twitch was in awe of what he was seeing and he ran his hand through the blue water to confirm it was real. "How?"

"It's a really long and complicated story. Let's go back to Ben so we can talk about it." Natalie Folded back with Twitch to the gym in her Seattle home where Ben was waiting for them. They told him many highlighted recent details of their lives and Twitch spent most of the conversation with his mouth open in disbelief. "How could you guys keep all this a secret from me?"

"Twitch, they weren't all my secrets to tell!"

"Dammit, if you guys had told me this shit sooner, you would have saved me a ton in travel and security!" 

They all laughed, but then Ben got serious. "Twitch, I know we count on you a lot. I appreciate it and you have never let us down. We need your help again. I…have to leave and I'm not sure I will be back. I need you to look out for my family, our family. You are our family. We trust you. You're like a brother to me and I know you'll protect them if I can't. "

Tears came to Ben's eyes and Twitch mirrored him. They reached out and hugged each other. "Of course! You don't even have to ask!" Natalie looked on as the love of her life and her best friend embraced, but she held herself together. They all continued to talk for little while longer. Ben made plans to meet with Twitch the next day before he finally left for the night. 

Ben and Natalie went to their bedroom to prepare for bed after they quickly showered. Natalie could sense Ben's worry beyond the obvious turmoil over his commitment to Snoke. "He's not gonna judge you, Ben. Twitch isn't like that. He loves you. He's seen how much you grown."

"You don't think he'll be disappointed in me for all the horrible things I've done? "

"You know what he does for a living. You can't do that with the characters he comes into contact with if you don't have a flexible morality. Twitch is loyal almost to a fault." Bridget and Declan stirred so Ben and Natalie each grabbed one of them to change their diapers and feed them before returning them to their cribs to sleep. They fell into bed in their usual positions with Ben behind his wife massaging her body. Natalie relaxed into Ben's hands and yawned. She reached her arms up to wrap them around her husband's neck while he ran his hands down her naked chest and stomach as she purred with his dick poking her in the back. "If you don't fuck me soon, baby, I'm gonna fall asleep."

"Did you have any more condoms?," Ben said barely believing he said it himself. Nat suddenly snapped out of her sleepiness.

"You want to use condoms? Why?"

"You know why. We can't take the chance you might get pregnant again." As much as she wanted there to be nothing between them when they made love, Nat could hear the message in what Ben was saying and she didn't want to waste time arguing about it. "If there are any left, the box is in the bed stand."

Ben used the Force to open the bed stand drawer and bring the condom box to Natalie. There were three left. "I'll tell you what. We can use these now and you can get some more when you go out to meet up with Twitch tomorrow."

"Deal." Ben made sure to put up a Force bubble before he proceeded to kiss his wife's neck leading a trail down to her ass. When he got down to her ass, he turned her over so she was flat on her back. He spread her legs and gave her some slow, tender head carefully avoiding oversensitivity while Natalie's hands were tangled in his hair. She was writhing in response to his ministrations and their Force bubble reverberated with her moaning. When he got up to kiss her, Ben's face was covered in the mix of his saliva and Natalie's secretions. They kissed for a few more minutes, but Ben was as hard as a rock now. 

"How do you want me, baby?," Natalie projects to him. "I need your mouth and then I want you to put a condom on me so I can fuck you.," Ben projects back. They roll over in bed so Ben is on his back and Natalie is straddling him. She moves down between Ben's legs to take his dick into her mouth and she works his shaft with her hand. He tangles his fingers in her hair as he fucks into her and grunts as he comes explosively. They're still coming down from their simultaneous orgasms when Natalie continues to clean Ben's dick of his mess. 

Once he was clean to her satisfaction, she opened a condom and placed it on Ben's dick with her mouth because he was, of course, still hard. Ben sat up to help his wife ease herself on to his dick while she was on top and they shuddered when she was fully seated on him. Natalie rolled her hips to meet Ben's thrusting and they kissed deeply tasting each other on their lips and mouths. She ran her hands over his nipples until they peaked. Ben tightly gripped her hips and ass as they both met each other's thrusting. Natalie slowed just a bit as she tightened around her husband's cock. 

She rested her forehead on Ben's. "Don't freak out, ok?," Natalie projected to him. She reached her hands up to the sides of his head to caress his ears. Ben startled a bit, but calmed when his wife looked into his eyes and love as well as appreciation for him flowed through their bond. They both had their insecurities, but their love for each other made them value each other's faults which made them love on another more completely. Ben leaned forward to capture his wife's lips in a kiss that he deepened soon after. They were both so close. Ben could feel the phantom finger stroking his prostate and that pushed him over the edge. They both came with shouts. 

Ben relaxed on their bed with Natalie draped over his chest. They were exhausted, but they got up to clean themselves up before returning to bed. "Baby, I am worn out. Let's go to bed and leave those extra condoms for another time."

"Ok, Nat. I'm not arguing. Is it getting older or the fact that we have 5 kids that is doing this to us?"

"Both!," Natalie said before they both laughed. Ben moved behind his wife to hold her and they both fell asleep shortly thereafter.


	8. To Love and Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Twitch spend the day together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay. It's getting harder and harder to put words together. I thought Ben and Twitch needed to bro out for a bit. No smut obviously, but there is a confrontation that might surprise some of you.

Twitch picked Ben up early the next morning. They never made set plans, but Ben expected that they would talk extensively about his past, get more condoms, and he also wanted to make a special stop that could go all kinds of wrong.

"So Ben, we having a boys' day out?"

"Twitch, I really didn't have a plan, but we do need to talk. I don't want to keep any more secrets from you. That's gone on too long. You deserve better."

Twitch smiled. "Well, it's early, but it sounds like we're gonna need some drinks for this conversation."

"Believe it or not, I'm not good at holding my liquor and Nat can confirm that. So maybe we should run some errands before we start getting drunk, Twitch. I need some condoms and I need you to go with me to talk to Pearce."

Twitch laughed. "You sure we don't need those drinks first?"

Ben mirrored his friend's laughter. "No, I think it'd be better if I was clear headed for both things. Can you call Pearce to set up a meeting?"

"Sure, but you're not planning to hurt him, are you? I don't think Nat would approve."

"No, I just want to talk to him. I promise. It might be difficult for me to keep that promise so that's why I need you there, ok?"

"Ok, let me call his office right now." Twitch called Neal and told him he wanted to discuss a personal matter. Neal agreed to meet with him later that day. 

"Ben, are you sure you want to do this? Is this something that needs to stay between us?"

"For now, yes. Thank you, Twitch. I owe you a lot and it sounds like we have some time before the meeting. I'm at your disposal. I'm sure you have something that I can do for you. I can stop projectiles, choke people, read minds--- "

"You're a mind reader! Actually, I can use that.," Twitch said as he checked his watch. "We're gonna go to my business headquarters so I can introduce you to some of my employees and another acquaintance. Just need to check on their loyalties. While we're there, I can have my assistant get your condoms for you so there's one less thing for you to worry about, Ben."

_______________________________________________________________________________________

 

Twitch drove Ben to his office building. Ben had never been there before, but was very impressed. It was a very classy looking building decorated with beautiful furnishings and art. They were greeted as soon as they walked in by Twitch's assistant who he tasked with finding the condoms that Ben asked for earlier. 

They went by the security branch and Twitch briefly introduced Ben around to the staff. Ben couldn't sense anything out of the ordinary so far with any one of Twitch's employees. They all seemed to be happy with their work and with Twitch as a boss. 

Twitch's assistant, Kieran, alerted him to an unscheduled visitor in his office via intercom. Ben picked up on all the employees' displeasure with the announcement. Twitch and Ben headed to his office to meet with Stephen, Twitch's on and off boyfriend. "Stephen, I've told you that you can't just show up unannounced here anymore. I have a business to run!"

"Jonny, I'm not just anyone! Please introduce me to your strapping young friend here."

"Ben, this is Stephen. Stephen, this is Ben, Natalie's husband."

"Wow, I never thought Natalie was the cradle robbing type. I see she's done very well for herself. You the strong, silent type, darling or are you a mute?"

Ben hated this guy already. "I can speak, Stephen. Why don't you tell Twitch the reason you came?"

"Jonny and I can talk about that after you leave, honey!"

"I won't be leaving anytime soon, Stephen. He's here for money as usual. If I wasn't here, he was going to try to seduce you for it.," Ben said as he looked at Twitch. 

"Who the fuck are you to make any assumptions about me, you long nosed shit?," Stephen seethed. 

"I can kill him if you like. It doesn't have to be painless either.," Ben said to Twitch under his breath, but not exactly out of Stephen's earshot. Twitch's disappointment was easily picked up by Ben. 

Stephen rolls his eyes. "Jonny, call me when you're not playing Make-A-Wish with Scarface here!" 

"Stephen, please stay, make yourself comfortable, and stay quiet.," Ben said as Stephen attempts to leave. Stephen moves back to a visitor's chair while he has questioning look on his face. 

"Twitch, I can make him do anything you want and make him forget the reason he did it. The only limit is your imagination!"

Twitch walks toward Stephen to look him in the eye. "Did you ever love for me at all?"

"Answer him, Stephen.," Ben prompts as he is still under the influence of the previous command. 

"No."

"Why did you keep coming back?"

"You were always so nice and so giving to me. Your contacts are so valuable. I thought if I kept coming back that I would eventually feel something for you, but I never did."

Twitch's eyes filled with tears. He had invested so much emotionally in this charlatan that he ignored other chances to be happy. Ben put his hand on Twitch's shoulder to comfort him. "What do you want to do with him, Twitch?"

"Make him go out to the lobby, strip his clothes off, and walk home naked. I never want to see his face again!"

"You heard him, Stephen. When you get home, you won't remember seeing me or Twitch today, understand?"

Stephen nods and proceeds to follow the given directions. While Stephen is stripping off his clothes in the lobby, Twitch's assistant starts laughing and calling the other employees out to observe him. When Stephen walks out of the building naked, the employees follow behind him to continue laughing and taking pictures to post on various social media platforms. Ben and Twitch observe the spectacle from the window of the office. "If nothing else, he always had a great ass!!"

Ben laughed. "You gonna be ok?"

"Yea, I'm a survivor. I'll be fine. Let's get a snack before we meet up with Neal. All this business gave me an appetite."

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Ben and Twitch made their way to Pearce's office. They sat in the waiting room until Neal's receptionist told them he was ready to see them. Twitch entered the office first followed by Ben. Neal was surprised to see both of them when he had only expected Twitch. 

"Is Natalie ok?," Neal said as he closed his office door.

"She's fine right now. I needed to ask a huge favor of you, Neal."

"Really, what could you possibly want?"

"I have to leave town in a few weeks and I may not be back for a while. We obviously dislike each other, but I know you care a lot about my wife. I just want you to look out for her while I'm gone."

"Past catch up with you, did it?"

Ben looked at Neal silently. 

"After I realized that Natalie was deeply involved with you, I had you investigated. Turns out that Ben Solo never existed until a few years ago. Your ID and social security card are very convincing fakes, but they are fakes nonetheless."

Ben slowly exhaled. "Look, Neal--."

"Ben or whatever your name is, I don't give a shit what kind of trouble you're in! I care about Natalie and those kids! If you need to leave to keep them safe, I'm all for it. If your past affects Natalie or those kids in any way, I'll make sure that you suffer and I won't lose a night's sleep over it."

Twitch had been listening silently while Ben and Neal spoke, but he had to say something now. "Neal, where the fuck do you get off with this bullshit? You harassed Nat for years and all of a sudden, you are Mr. Holier Than Thou?"

"Look, I don't deny that I've hurt her in the past, but I will protect her at all costs in the future. I thought you were her friend, Jonathan! I checked you out as well. You've built up quite a record. You helped him with the IDs, right? How could you be complicit with this?"

"Look, Neal! Twitch has nothing to do with my problems. I am here to ask you to look out for Nat and my children. That's all."

"If you knew that you had trouble coming for you, why did you try to settle down with Natalie and have kids?"

"If you knew that you had feelings for her, why did treat her like a piece of meat, asshole?" Neal shrunk back in his seat. 

"I love her and my kids so much that I am willing to put with a few minutes of unnecessary threats and bullshit from you to make sure they'll be ok when I'm gone! The fact that you would come at me from such a weak position over them proves to me that you care enough to watch out for them! I'd love nothing more than to beat your face in right now, but I can control myself because I know that between you and Twitch, my family will be fine after I leave."

Ben extended his hand to Neal. Neal took it and shook to seal their agreement, but tightened his grip when Ben tried to pull away. "I meant what I said. If your past comes back to hurt Natalie or those kids, I will bury you!" Ben snatched his hand away and opened Neal's office door to leave with Twitch not far behind. 

After they made it down to Twitch's vehicle, they both sat for a minute thinking on their day so far. "I think now would be a good time for those drinks, Ben. What do you say?"

"Sure. Pick your favorite restaurant for dinner. It's on me!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Twitch ran them back to his office so they could be driven by his chauffeur to his favorite restaurant without having worry about getting back home after getting shitfaced. The restaurant had a waiting list of more than a year. When Ben and Twitch walked up to the door of the restaurant, the host looked down his nose at them in their casual clothing.

"Sirs, we have a strict dress code and do you have a reservation with us tonight?"

"You have no dress code and we do have a reservation for your most private table seating tonight!," Ben stated matter of factly.

"Of course, right this way, sirs!," the host replies under the influence of a mind trick. The host leads them to a private seating room they reserved for the highest of rollers. After they are seated, Twitch requests that they send the sommelier to their table with their 4 best wines as well as a sampling of their appetizers. "Right away, sirs!"

After they sampled the wines and appetizers, Ben got slightly serious. "The wines are pretty good, but I suggest something a little harder for our dinner conversation."

"Ok. Garcon! Please bring us your finest whiskey and the dinner menu please! Let's wait until they bring dinner to get serious."

Ben nodded. He wondered if there was even the slightest chance that Twitch would turn his back on him after he learned about his past. Even if he chose to do that, Ben knew he would never turn his back on Nat, Leia, and his children. Twitch had done so much for them. He deserved the truth so he could make his own decisions about Ben. 

The staff brought them a feast as requested by Twitch. A few minutes into dinner, Ben took some swigs of the whiskey and started telling Twitch his story from his beginning with Snoke and his parents on up to how he met Nat. While Ben spoke of his past, both he and Twitch continued to eat and drink heartily. After Ben finished his story, he waited for Twitch to respond. Twitch took another swig of whiskey. "Ben, what was the point of that story?"

"I needed you to know what kind of person I was. I thought you deserved the truth."

"Ben, you know what kind of work I do and the type of people I work with, right?"

"Yes."

"What kind of person do you think does what I do? I've always had an adaptable personality. I'm a pretty good judge of character. What a person does is not always indicative of who they are in the depths of their soul. You told me this because you want me to believe you're evil. You're not otherwise you wouldn't care what I thought about you. When I first met you in Nat's house, I could tell you were the type of person that could be dangerous when you wanted to be. Nat's also a pretty good judge of character. She wouldn't have let you in her house if she thought there was a chance you were a danger to her whether you had saved her life or not. I could also tell that you were already in love with her even then. What I didn't know is how I would come to value your friendship. Friends or not, it's not my place to judge you for anything you've done. With that said, it's time to move on, Ben. You need to forgive yourself so you can give your best self to Nat, your mom, and those kids before you have to leave. So let's enjoy our food and drink, friend.," Twitch held up his glass waiting for Ben to toast. Ben touched his glass to Twitch's and they both downed their drinks. 

"Twitch, I've never drunk this much before."

"Really? You're a big guy. I think you can handle it."

"Nat thinks I'm a lightweight and I'm pretty sure she's right. It's nice though. Hanging out and letting my guard down with you. I never had a real friend before you and Nat."

"What? No friends? So you never had a girlfriend before Nat?"

"No, she was my first and only."

"Wow, that's rare to hit the jackpot with your first partner. Relationships have never worked out for me. Don't get me wrong. I've had tons of fun, but I've never been able to find love. I thought Stephen---.

"Have you ever thought about dating your assistant?"

"No, he works for me. He's great at his job and I don't want to fuck that up."

"He really likes you, Twitch. Maybe you should think about it."

"Maybe. I gotta ask, Ben. What were you thinking when you went to see Neal?"

"Just what I said. He cares a lot about Nat. Even though he's a jealous prick, I know he wants the best for her. I can put my feeling aside to protect my family. In the past, I would have ripped him limb from limb and not thought twice about it. I'm sorry he threatened you, Twitch. I hadn't anticipated that."

"Please. I've been threatened by much scarier than Neal Pearce. He doesn't worry me in the least."

"I want her to be happy, Twitch. Even without me. She deserves it.," Ben said with tears in his eyes.

"Oh no. If you're gonna get drunk, there's no point in being a sad drunk, Ben!!"

"Ok. You have any more issues you need me to handle for you?"

"I'm sure I can come up with something for you, but it's not a good idea to handle business when you're drunk. Let's get them to give us a bottle for the road and get out of here."

____________________________________________________________________________________________

After Ben "handled" the bill, he and Twitch were driven by the chauffeur to Twitch's home, which oddly enough he had never been to in the time they'd known each other. Ben walked around the place wide eyed until Twitch handed him a glass filled with whiskey. "Have a seat, get comfortable."

"Your house is not what I expected, but it's beautiful." 

When they were both seated, they both relaxed into the couch. "So what's it like, Ben?"

Even though he was comfortably on his way to being really drunk, Ben knew exactly what "it" was.

"I've had a connection to the Force as long as I can remember. It runs in my family." Ben took down the rest of the whiskey in his glass. "When I was younger, Snoke was always there in my head pushing me to realize my potential. My mom was always doing government business, my dad was always on smuggling runs, and I was horrible at socializing with kids my own age because they were afraid of me. " Ben grabbed the whiskey bottle and poured himself some more then quickly drained the glass. "Sometimes I thought it was cool to be so powerful, but sometimes I thought I could give it all up if it would make Snoke go away, make my parents stay home with me, and make me less frightening to other people." Ben tried to pour himself another glass of whiskey, but Twitch clutched the bottle to his chest.

"I know I asked the question, but remember we are not gonna be sad drunks tonight!"

"Ok. After I went away with my uncle Luke, I started training to wield the Force. The power was seductive and I wanted more and more, but Snoke was on me about how Luke was holding me back and that he would teach me everything I wanted to know. Then I started dreaming about and having visions of Nat. Up until then, I hadn't realized any happiness or joy from being connected to the Force. She was such a comfort to me that I thought she couldn't be real, but I still needed her. She never judged me or talked down to me, she just loved me. I never told anyone about her. If I thought there was any way that she was real and that I would meet her, maybe…. When I finally met her in person, I was ready to lose myself in her. I knew I would do anything to be with her. I knew that the Force was speaking to me and it was a sign that this was my chance to change my life. So I did and I'm the happiest that I could have hoped I would ever be." 

"Wow!! If you and Nat could find each other, that gives me hope that I can find someone." Twitch refills both his and Ben's glasses with the last of the whiskey. 

"To love and friendship!," Twitch says as he raises his glass.

"To love and friendship!," Ben says as he toasts with Twitch and they throw their heads back to drink.


	9. The One Who May Not Be Safe From Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben returns home after his Bros Night Out with Twitch. Abeloth drops a bombshell on Natalie. Bella makes her parents feel better. Snoke reincorporates himself into Ben and Natalie's lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drama never leaves these two for long, but there may be an interesting surprise no one expected.

Twitch's chauffeur made sure Ben got safely into the elevator when he dropped him off at home. He walked slowly to the kitchen to grab some glasses of water. After the water, the problem was he had to pee which meant he had to risk waking Bridge, Dec, and Nat by going in to the bedroom. He drank one last glass of water and carefully got up from the kitchen table to walk toward the bedroom. He opened the door, moved in, and closed it softly behind him. He made a beeline for the bathroom. After relieving himself, he took a quick shower because he realized he reeked of whiskey. His day with Twitch was actually pretty enjoyable, but now that he was home, he thought he may have overdone it with the drinking. 

Finished with his shower, Ben made his way to bed being careful not to wake his wife or his kids. According to clock, it was 2am, but he was a little wired. His mind was mostly clear, but he still was a bit hazy from the alcohol. He could see the appeal of overindulging in alcohol from time to time. He could hear the very soft snoring from his wife which let him know she was exhausted from the day. Before he could think better of it, he reached out to bring the hair that had fallen in her face and placed it behind her ear. "Hmm, Ben?," Nat said as she stirred awake. Ben slightly regretted waking her, but also didn't for some reason. "Shh, go back to sleep. I'm sorry I woke you.," he said as he continued to stroke her hair and face. "You and Twitch had fun, huh?," she said sleepily. "Yea, we did. It's late. You should go back to bed, baby.," Ben said as he unconsciously started to massage the back of her neck and he got hard because he usually did when he was this close to her. "Hmm. You're drunk and you're horny. I hope you brought those condoms home." 

"Well I did bring the condoms home and I didn't mean to wake you, but since I did, I would not turn down sex right now.," Ben said before he nuzzled her neck with his nose and then made his way to her shoulder with some butterfly kisses. 

"I'll let you try to talk me into it, Mr. Solo.," Natalie had just gotten the words out when Declan started to whine prompting Bridget to start crying as well. She got out of bed to tend to the twins while Ben stayed in bed with his boner. Both babies were soaking wet so Natalie changed them both then set them back in their crib so she could grab some bottles from the kitchen to feed them. After she warmed the bottles, she brought them back to the room and Ben had grabbed both babies in his arms to calm them with his voice. Natalie handed him one of the warmed bottles so he could feed Declan while she fed Bridget. Declan finished first so Ben burped him, put him back to sleep, and laid him in the crib. He took Bridget from his wife and finished feeding her, burped her, and put her back to sleep in the crib. 

Ben moved back to meet his wife in bed. She was on her way back to sleep, but still awake. He started to massage her neck gently as she purred in satisfaction. Sex could wait for another time, even though he managed a semi while he was trying to relax Nat. Pretty soon, they were both sleeping peacefully.

Natalie got up a few hours later when the babies stirred again to feed, change, and put them back to sleep while Ben slept off his night with Twitch. Rather than returning to bed, she decided to meditate while she had some time and then come back up to get ready for the day. 

After she got down to the gym and relaxed, she was able to enter her mediation easily and contact Abeloth. Usually when she contacted Abeloth, she had specific questions to ask. For some reason, she felt they needed to communicate.

"How are you holding up, Natalie?"

"As well as I can expect. My husband is about to be co-opted by Snoke and he'll probably never see me or our children again so fine, I guess."

"Snoke is not to be trusted at all. You must be vigilant to protect yourself and the children from him."

"I know that. I'm doing all I can for the moment."

"After Ben leaves, you must let the hope that he will come back to your family go."

"Aren't you the one who told me I should trust in our relationship to fight Snoke off?"

"This is different. Snoke will take up residence in Ben's body. There is no way to know how much of Ben will be left. If there is anything of him left, he will need to fend for himself."

"Isn't part of the reason you chose me because I don't give up? You've got to have some ideas on how to separate Ben from Snoke!"

"The galaxy needs you to focus right now. Your purpose is to finish Snoke now and nothing else! Think on your dealings with him."

"What do you mean by "my purpose" now?" Natalie thought for a moment on everything that had happened in her life since having her first visions and dreams of Ben. "This has all been a game to you! You used me and Ben to further our bloodlines! You used Snoke to resurrect me and then directed me to kill him! What is the endgame here? Tell me the truth!"

"Child, you already know the truth! Every time you have been near Snoke even when he was Kestnor, your powers have flared! Much of his attention has been focused on you since your resurrection! It was not in his plans to get to Ben through you! You are his greatest obstacle and he is yours! You are the alpha to his omega!"

Natalie couldn't believe her ears. "You fed me this bullshit about the love between Ben and I being the thing you had been looking for all your life when you knew that this could happen!!"

"I knew it was a possibility. I have the power to direct some things, yes, but this is not how I thought it would turn out."

"You use to take over people's bodies. Can we separate Ben from Snoke once they've joined?"

"Once I joined with a person, it sealed their fate. The separation resulted in their deaths, but I have no idea how Snoke is planning to join with Ben. There may be a way to separate them, but I couldn't be sure about anything without knowing more about his techniques. Your energies need to be focused on destroying Snoke! Ben will likely be lost to you and your family."

"What about our bond? You once told me our bond was our strength against Snoke. Could that be true in this case, too?"

"It's possible, Natalie, but I would not put much stake in it."

"Is there anything positive you can tell me?"

"Nothing that will make you feel better about this situation. I'm sorry." Abeloth faded away.

Natalie brought herself out of her meditation and went upstairs to shower. Ben was softly snoring and the twins were sleeping as well. She needed to talk to her husband, but now wasn't the time. After she showered, she made her way out to the kitchen to start getting some things ready for the day. "Mama?"

Natalie turned around and saw her and Ben's middle child, Bella. Bella was the most quiet and introspective of their children which was odd for her age. She was very close with Lexi and Xander, but she was very often comfortable in her own company which was also odd for her age. "You ok, Bella? Did I wake you up?," she said as she scooped her up in her arms and sat on the living room couch. 

Bella shook her head no. "I love you, Mama.," she said with her angelic smile.

"I love you too, sweetie." 

Bella had probably gotten the short end of the stick of their older children as far as actual time with her parents. Natalie had dealt with bouts of postpartum depression after Bella was born followed by the drama of Ben's possible death followed by the surprise pregnancy with Bridget and Declan and their subsequent kidnapping by Kestnor. Oddly enough, Bella seemed to take this all in stride. As much as Natalie hated to admit it, her connection with Bella was probably the deepest for many reasons. Looking at her was like looking in a mirror when she was her age with her mop of soft black curls and olive skin. Bella was also very empathetic to people and was a bit of a mother hen like her mom.

"Are you hungry? You need help in the bathroom?"

Bella nodded her head yes in response and Natalie somehow knew she was answering both questions. She helped her daughter to the potty and when she was finished, the pot was emptied and cleaned. They both washed their hands in the bathroom before returning to the kitchen for some breakfast. Natalie sat Bella in her lap while they both shared a bowl of cereal. When the cereal was done, Natalie could see Bella rub her eyes signaling that she was still sleepy. She got out of the chair with Bella in her arms and carried her back to bed. Natalie tucked Bella in and Bella stroked her mom's face before she closed her eyes to try and return to sleep. As Natalie returned to the kitchen, she started to think about her interaction with her daughter. It seemed as if she knew that Natalie needed to be cheered up after that horrible conversation with Abeloth. That brought a smile to Natalie's face as she went back to starting to prepare for the rest of the day.

______________________________________________________________________________________

 

Ben finally woke up after lunch with a horrible headache and a full bladder. He could hear the children playing as well as Natalie and Leia speaking on the other side of the bedroom door. He made a beeline for the bathroom to empty his bladder and he gets showered while he's in the bathroom. Once Ben gets dressed, he leaves the bedroom and goes to the kitchen for some glasses of water. "Hi, daddy!," Lexi and Xander yelled as Ben winced from his hangover. 

"Hey kids.," Ben groans. Bella tugs on her father's pants to let him know that she's there. "Hey Bella. How are you?," Ben said as he picks her up in his arms. Bella leans forward to touch her forehead lightly to her father's forehead while she gently strokes his face. They stayed that way for a moment until Bella started to rub at her eyes. "Naptime?," Ben asks as his daughter nods her head. He takes Bella to her bed and tucks her in for her nap. Ben goes back out to the living room and collects his older twins to put them to bed for their nap. Leia and Natalie are laughing at him as he returns to the couch where they are sitting. 

"How's the hangover, son?"

"Actually, I woke up feeling horrible, but now I feel great."

"Great, we can get in a quick workout while the kids are sleeping if Leia doesn't mind listening out for the kids for a bit."

"Of course, I don't mind. I'll see you two in a bit.," Leia said as Ben kisses her cheek and then grabs his wife's hand to lead her down to the gym. 

Ben and Natalie make their way to the track to break a little sweat. They stopped after 15 minutes to take a break and Ben could sense that his wife had a lot on her mind. 

"You ok, Nat?"

Natalie really didn't want to have this conversation with Ben especially after they had already agreed to accept his fate. "We can talk about it later. Do you mind if we spar a little?"

Ben always got a little suspicious when his wife wanted to spar. When they sparred, it tended to devolve into sex pretty quickly. Lately, it had turned more legitimate. For him, it didn't matter because he always got hard either way because of their proximity. Ben nodded his head yes and they moved to the mats. Both took up fighting stances opposite each other. Due to his size and his training, he'd conditioned himself to think he was always "better" than all his opponents. He had underestimated Rey during their battle and he learned from that mistake. He never underestimated his wife, but he understood her mind because of their bond. He also knew that she was always full of surprises. When Ben was off balance, Natalie swept his leg out from under him and landed on top of him. He quickly rolled them over so that he was on top. A strong feeling of anger started to come over him. Darkness started to creep into his mind and he was watching instead of participating in the sparring. He reached his hands out to stroke at his wife's neck and the darkness prompted his hands to start squeezing the life out of her. Ben didn't want this! In his mind, he was screaming no, but he had no control over his body. Snoke had gotten in and taken over!! Natalie was struggling against him with all her might and he continued to hold her down. Ben had to do something, but he couldn't. Nat was going to die at Ben's hands and Snoke was going to win!


	10. The One Day That Is Full Of Good and Bad Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalie survives Snoke's attack. Ben and Natalie try to get past the aftermath of that attack. Bella surprises her family. Ben and Natalie find a way to fall into bed together, but not without some problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let it be known that "him" is Snoke/Kestnor just in case you're not following along completely. In the writing of this in the different iterations that I thought about, I realized that the smut may give the idea that there could be a consent issue. Ultimately, I didn't feel that way, but everyone is different and may perceive it differently in the reading. They are a bonded pair so there's that.

"Stop!! Ben, stop!!," Natalie was yelling in Ben's mind through their bond.  The bond was muted and she could see in Ben's eyes as his hands were trying to crush her neck that he wasn't there.   Snoke was doing this!!  She could smell the stink of him on Ben!  Her hands were not able to counter Ben's strength so she had to take a chance at bringing him out of this somehow.  She went for his shirt to bring him as close to her as she could and she butted her head into his nose hard.  He groaned as the bones in his nose cracked. Blood spurted from his nose.  His grip on her weakened enough that she was able to punch his left eye and use his startle as an opening to kick him off of her.   
   
Natalie took deep breaths to fill her lungs with the air that was compromised moments ago and Ben was laying on the ground slowly coming back to himself.  He jumped up and went over to check on his wife.  She involuntarily flinched when Ben tried to come near her.     
   
"I'm sorry.  It wasn't me!  I'd never hurt you!  Please believe me!,"  Ben pleaded with his wife with tears in his eyes.   
   
Natalie continued trying to get her breath back and trying to recover from the pain of her near asphyxiation.   
   
Ben was beside himself.  He couldn't believe he had nearly killed his wife under Snoke's influence.  What if he'd been with his children or his mother instead of Nat?  He needed to leave!  His family wasn't safe around him any longer.  Ben slowly made his way toward the steps to leave the gym.   
   
"Where are you going?,"  Natalie struggles to croak out loudly.   
   
"I can't stay here anymore.  You will all be safer without me here."   
   
"You can't leave, Ben!"   
   
"I have to!"   
   
"No, you don't.  You're not a fucking coward!  We are not safer without you!  We need you now more than ever!  Once you left to join with Snoke, he was never going to leave us alone!  I need your help to kill him!,"  Natalie said as she grabbed a towel to help staunch the blood coming from Ben's nose.  She reached out her hand to her husband.   
   
"Let's go upstairs to the clinic so I can take a look at your nose."   
   
"Baby, I almost killed--"   
   
"Snoke almost killed me, not you.  Come on."  They made their way upstairs from the gym to the living area.   
   
"What the hell happened to you two?," Leia said when she saw Ben's face and the marks on Natalie's neck.   
   
"We'll be ok.  We just went a little too hard sparring so I'm gonna check Ben out in the clinic."   
   
Natalie directed Ben to sit on the exam table once they were in the clinic.  He had to admit it was weird for him when Nat treated him like a patient.  He could still feel their love through their bond, but he could differentiate that from the compartmentalized medical objectivity she was able to display.     
   
"Lie back for me, please."  Ben obliged her.   
   
Natalie examined Ben's swollen nose and left eye after she cleaned the blood from his face.  She assessed him for concussion and visual damage. He wasn't concussed and his vision was fine, thank the Force!!  Natalie set Ben's nose, splinted it, and gave him an ice pack to help with the swelling.  She grabbed an ice pack for her neck as well after she washed her hands.  They were both exhausted even though there was so much day left.  Natalie took Ben's hand and led him to their bedroom.  While they were in the clinic, Bella had woken up from her nap and was sitting on the couch with Leia when she saw their bruises.     
   
"Mama, Daddy, hurt?"   
   
They both hated for their daughter to see them like this.  It probably scared her and she was unable to understand the gravity of what had happened.     
   
Natalie reached down to pick up Bella to try and comfort her.  She and Ben took their daughter back to their bedroom while they tried to gather themselves.     
   
"We're gonna be ok, Bella.  Don't worry, baby.," Ben said hopefully as he stroked his daughter's hair while his wife was holding her in her arms.  He reached out and stroked his wife's face as if to say he was sorry for what happened in the gym.  Natalie responded by leaning her forehead to his in acceptance of his unneeded apology and understandable exhaustion.  They both slowly breathed and relaxed with their eyes closed.  Bella reached out and touched both of her parents' faces.  They all stayed in those positions for a while and took comfort in one another.  Natalie noticed a coolness in her neck that was very soothing, calming.  It felt really good!  Why was it happening?  She opened her eyes and looked at Ben.  He was feeling the same sensation on his nose and left eye.  Natalie could see the bruising and swelling on Ben's face slowly receding.  They both turned to Bella and saw her cherubic giggling face as she was still touching both of their faces.  Bella was healing them!!   
   
After a few moments, Bella pulled her hands away, yawned, and rubbed her eyes before she laid on her mother's chest to sleep.  Her parents were dumbfounded.  Their bodies had no reminders of Snoke's earlier attack on them.    
   
"She's only a baby, not much more than a year old. How?," Natalie said with tears in eyes as she rubbed her sleeping daughter's back.   
   
"She's always been really advanced for her age, but I couldn't imagine…  When I was a baby, I was able to float toys and other small things above my crib.  Nothing, nothing like this.,"  Ben said to his wife.  He could see her clutching their daughter closer and closer to her chest as he spoke.     
   
"He can't have her.  I won't let him.  I won't."   
   
"Baby, I won't let him touch any of our kids! Let me put her to bed, please.," Ben said as he reached out to take their daughter from her.  Natalie involuntarily flinched away from her husband again and then realized what she did.  "Sorry, I'm sorry.  Take her."    
   
Ben took his daughter from Natalie to put her to bed.  He made his way back to the living room to find his older and younger sets of twins waking up from their naps.  "Leia and me can handle the kids if you want to start on dinner, Ben."   
   
"Ok, baby.  I love you.," Ben said tentatively as he leaned down for a quick kiss.  He worried that his wife might reject his attempt to show her any affection given what happened not long ago in the gym.   
   
"I love you, too,"  Natalie accepted his kiss and lingered to stroke his face.   
   
Ben smiled and relaxed as he made his way to the kitchen to start preparing dinner.     
   
_________________________________________________________________________________________________   
   
   
After they put the kids to bed for the night, Ben and Natalie told Leia what really happened in the gym and about Snoke's involvement.  She was shocked, but pleased that Ben was going to fight Snoke's plans to inhabit his body now even if they hadn't come up with a concrete direction to go in destroying Snoke for good yet.     
   
Of course, Leia also noticed that their earlier bruises had completely healed and they told her about Bella's abilities.  She wasn't really surprised by this though.  Based on Bella's temperament and the way she had about her that told her that she was wise beyond her years, Leia had always suspected that she would be powerful in the Force.  She too was concerned about someone trying to use her for her powers.  Leia let them know that she would help in any way she could, but that she would make the children the priority.  With that, she bid them goodnight.   
   
Ben and Natalie retired to their bedroom for the night.  They both wanted to take quick showers, but Natalie was hesitant to shower together at first.  Ben wouldn't argue this.  He knew and understood Nat's concerns, but eventually they got in the shower together with a focus on cleaning up only.  When they got back out to the bed, they stared at each other for a moment.  "I can sleep on the couch, Nat."   
   
"No, no.  I'm sorry, Ben.  I hope you can forgive me some post traumatic stress.,"  Natalie said as some tears came to her eyes.  "I'm just tired of Snoke either taking or trying to take things away from me. This has to be it!  We have to be done with him, once and for all!  I just want to feel safe!  I just want all of us to be safe!"  Natalie started to pace in their bedroom.  "I'm used to dealing with life and death situations because I trained for it.  Even then, it's usually one or two lives that I have to touch.  We're talking about me being responsible for my life, your life, Leia's life, our children's lives, the lives of people that have already died, the lives of people who haven't been born yet…."   
   
Ben wanted to be as supportive as he could while his wife obviously needed to get some of her frustrations out, but he was a bit confused.  "What do you mean you're responsible?"   
   
Natalie realized that she may have buried the lead.  "I meditated earlier and Abeloth told me that I'm meant to kill Snoke.  That it is my purpose."   
   
"I had already suspected as much, Nat, when he brought you back and you told me he was afraid of you.  The way he's dealt with you proves to me that he's scared.  That makes him all the more dangerous.  You can't underestimate him."   
   
"I've never underestimated him.  That's just it.  Maybe I'm overestimating myself.  If it was just about me and him, I think I would have dealt with him already.  I'm not scared for myself.  I'm scared for everyone else!"  Her tears had dried, but all of a sudden, she just had to laugh at the absurdity of the situation.  Ben was getting worried for her.   
   
"I don't think I've gone crazy yet, Ben.  If I could get black out drunk right now, I would!  This is just so much!  I can normally deal with pressure, but this is what I normally deal with times a million!"  While they were talking and without really noticing, they had settled on their bed with Natalie laying on her back and Ben lying next to her while he held his wife's hand.  "What happened when he got in?" 

Ben adjusted himself in bed so he was leaning on his other hand to support his head and maintained a firm grip on Nat's hand while he looked in her eyes. "I was overcome with anger and darkness just…crept in and took over. It felt like I was moved into the background and I could still see everything that was happening, but I couldn't stop Snoke from taking me over. I thought…he was gonna make me kill you."

"I knew it wasn't you, Ben. I could tell it was Snoke. I figured that if I could disable you then Snoke would leave. Later, when you reached out to me and I flinched away, I was just keeping my guard up. Same with when I was holding Bella. I know you would never intentionally hurt me. I know it."

"But I could have hurt you, the kids, or my mom because of Snoke…."

"Stop, Ben. Please believe me. I know you don't want to hurt any of us. If you had realized sooner what was happening, could you have warned me in any way?"

He thought for a moment. "Yea, I could have warned you through our bond, I think. The only way we could test it is if he comes back and I hope that never happens again."

"I trust you, baby." Bridget and Declan stirred awake as Natalie stroked her husband's scarred face. They both got out of bed to soothe their children. Diapers were changed and bottles were given. Both Bridge and Dec needed a little extra patting on their backs and calming words to get them back to sleep. Ben and Natalie laid their babies back in the crib to hopefully sleep for the rest of the night.

"Can you put up a bubble?," Natalie said to her husband through their bond and of course, he complied. She drew Ben back to their bed so they were laying next to each other as they had previously. Natalie went back to stroking Ben's face as she was before their children woke up. She went to kiss him and he stopped her right before their lips touched. "What if…"

"There is no what if.," Natalie changed her approach. She grabbed the back of Ben's neck to draw him to her then she nipped a bit at his right carotid followed by a lick down to his collarbone. She pushed him on to his back and straddled him. She heard him inhale sharply and moan when their groins made contact. 

"I couldn't take it if I ever hurt you, Nat. I couldn't live with it.," Ben said with tears in his eyes and an obvious erection pressing against his wife's warmth. 

Natalie brought his hands to her neck. "You won't hurt me unless I want you to.," she said as she bent down to kiss him. "I need you to fuck me so I can turn off the background noise in my brain. Please. Please.," Natalie said punctuating each sentence with desperate kisses. 

They never refused each other sex and even though he felt he had reason to now, Ben wanted to please her so badly. His hands naturally went to her hips and ass as she rolled her hips against him. Natalie lifted her shirt off and quickly moved to remove Ben's. She could feel Ben's fear slowly building and it was intoxicating. She jumped up to remove her shorts and then rolled Ben's shorts down from his hips and legs to discard them. "Even though you're afraid of hurting me, you still want me. That fear is making me so hot for you. I'm not ashamed and you shouldn't be either. We're way past that. I love you and you love me. As long as we both can enjoy it, it's not wrong." Natalie straddles Ben's hips again and proceeds to butterfly kiss his face that was still wet with tears. As she moved down to his neck, she added some nips and licks to the kissing eliciting some heavier breathing from him. She stopped at his nipples to tease them to peaks. Ben hadn't decided what to do with his hands so Natalie brought them to the bun in her hair so could loosen it as he wanted. She made her way to his abdomen which was getting covered in precum. She took a moment to clean him up before she took his dick into her mouth. "Talk to me.," she said through their bond. 

"This feels wrong, Nat.," Ben responded through their bond.

"It feels wrong that I have your dick in my mouth?"

"You know what I mean!"

"I refuse to talk about "him" while we're doing this!," she said as she continued to give her husband head.

"I don't want to talk about "him" either, but unfortunately he's the elephant in the room!"

"Ok, apparently I'm not going to get close to getting off anytime soon doing this with you so I give up! I'm getting myself off and you can stay or go while I do it!," Natalie said as she pulled off Ben's dick with a pop. She proceeded to masturbate in bed with Ben laying next to her in bed with his hard dick. 

Ben wasn’t trying to be difficult, but this thing with "him" was really fucking with his mind and now it was fucking with his sex life. He turned away from her because it would be torture to watch his wife please herself without him being involved in any way. He should probably just go run around the track for awhile. Honestly, he wasn’t sure how this was going to go because before if one of them was touching themselves, the other was always involved. Their orgasms had always been simultaneous together, but what would happen now. Surely, he'd know how it felt when she came through their bond, but would he come too if he was doing nothing sexual at all?

Natalie wasn't upset with Ben per se, but she wasn't going to let "him" fuck with her sex life. She needed to come a lot so she could get her mind off this shit so she could move on. She wanted to get off with her husband, but he wasn't cooperating so it was up to her. If Ben wanted to lay there and suffer, that was on him! She, of course, was using her husband as jackoff material. Thinking of running her fingers through his soft hair, gazing deeply into his brown eyes, tracing her finger over the moles and freckles on his face as well his scar, feeling his nose on her cheek while he kissed her with his duck lips, feeling his great big hands stroking her skin, cupping her ass while he ran his tongue over different areas of her body until he got down to her clit, stroking her clit with his tongue, sucking and running his teeth over her clit… She clenched her muscles as if Ben was inside her and she came really hard with a drawn out moan, but she knew she had more tension to release so there would be more to come.

Ben not only heard his wife come while he was right next to her, but he felt it. It was as close as he could come to having his own orgasm without body proximity to Nat and body fluids. His erection hadn't flagged. As a matter of fact, it grew more since Nat came. Maybe he could jerk himself off quickly then go to sleep….while his wife was pleasuring herself right next to him in their bed?? Ok, he'd jack off then go run around the track for a bit until his wife got done getting what she needed…..from herself?? He's a terrible husband!! Up to now, he'd been able to perform sexually under any conditions even ones that most people would consider inappropriate. This was different though because of the potential danger to Nat, right? If she wasn't worried, why should he be? Ben turned back toward his wife while she was working toward another orgasm. She was so sexy to him! He decided that he would just help her along as much or as little as she wanted. He softly stroked her face to let her know that he was engaged with her again and that he would be there if she needed him. He could tell she was close. "Fuck me from behind, please.," Natalie said through their bond. He couldn't say no. 

"Whatever you need, baby." They got into position for Ben to take her from behind. When he entered her, they both moan loudly. Once they both took a moment, he proceeded to fuck her hard and fast because he knew it was what they both needed and wanted. It wasn't long before they both came hard with animalistic moans echoing in their bubble. 

After a very brief rest, she straddled his hips and sat on his dick because he was still hard. Ben ran his hands through his wife's loose curly hair and butterfly kissed his way down her facial scar. Natalie rolled her hips to meet Ben's thrusts. He pawed at her hips and ass, but then tried to grab ahold so that he could deepen his thrusts. Their mouths smashed together and their tongues slid over each other. Their moans ran together so they couldn't differentiate them any longer. She gently grabbed his hands to bring them to her neck. It wasn't something she usually did, but he knew why she was doing it. He softly stroked her neck and she leaned her head back in abandon as they continued to fuck each other. When they were both close again, Natalie leaned back toward Ben to lay her forehead on his. When they came, she clenched with every pulse of semen Ben ejaculated. They kissed and groaned into each other's mouths as they came down together. They pulled away from their kiss and she laid her head on his shoulder. Ben could sense that they were both content and tired from the day. He ran his hand up and down his wife's back as he kissed all the exposed skin that he could reach while he was still inside her. " We should clean up a little before we go to sleep, ok?"

"Umm hmm.," she agreed sleepily. They both got up and showered quickly before they came back to bed. Ben parked himself behind his wife to gently massage his wife to sleep. Right before she closed her eyes for a sleep that she anticipated would be restful, she had a clear thought in her mind of how she needed to deal with "him" next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still not sure how well I do sex scenes, so I would appreciate some feedback from anyone that is still following me here. They have lots of sex so there will be more to come of that so here's your chance to give me your input!!


	11. The One Who Thinks She Knows What Is Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia gets a day off. Ben and Natalie prepare to say goodbye yet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for those still following the story that I took so long to update. I will try update sooner in the future. Life happens!!

She'd slept pretty well last night, but now she was awake and pondering how her day should go. She really needed to meditate and talk with Abeloth. As Natalie was getting out of bed, Ben reached out to draw her back to him. "Stay with me. We still have some time before we have to be up.," he said as he lightly kissed her hair, neck, and shoulders. She relished his attention for a few moments. 

"I'd stay with you forever in this bed if we could, but we can't."

"Just 5 more minutes, ok?," he said as if he knew something that they had yet to discuss out loud.

"Ok." She turned to face him and they stroked each other's faces before they slowly kissed. Sex was off the table as 5 minutes was not enough time for them to do that, but neither was interested in that right now. They enjoyed sharing each other's air and kisses that tasted of sleep while they held each other tightly. "I think we should give your mom a day off today. She's been really amazing with the kids and she deserves some time for herself. I'll call Twitch and see if he can set some activities up she'd like."

"That's a good idea."

"She'll be rested for when I have to go do some errands tomorrow." Yes, she was really doing this right now!

Ben was now mourning the quiet time with his wife he was trying to have before their day got started. "What errands?"

"I need to see some people, Kestnor for one."

Ben closed his eyes and exhaled in exasperation. "Please don't---"

"I'm not asking permission. I'm just being honest. He was on the precipice of getting everything he wanted and he pulls the shit he did by trying to supposedly kill me through you. Something has changed and we need to know why! We can't wait for him to try to pull anything else! I know you are worried, but you know we don't have any other choices here!"

"What do you mean trying to supposedly kill you?"

"He would want to kill me himself. He's not as hands off as he projects himself to be. He came with Luke to that planet to kill me when he could have just as easily let Luke be the only one to get his hands dirty. This was him sending a message to us!"

"It worries me that you know so much about him, Nat. He's gonna try to use what you think you know about him against you at some point."

"We have to take that chance. I have to take it."

He knew she was right, but he didn't like it. He was worried about what it meant for them going forward. "Ok."

"Ok? That was easier than I thought. I expected you to fight me more on this."

"Baby, I love you. If I'm fighting you on something, it's because I'm fighting for us."

"Me too. I love you.," Natalie lightly pecked Ben's lips and then slowly deepened the kiss. They started drawing moans out of each other and Ben's erection grew between them. He ran his hand over her back and down to cup one of her ass cheeks. They were about to get a little more serious when Bridget started to cry loudly with Declan closely following her lead. Ben and Natalie stopped their ministrations and leaned their foreheads together. "You grab Dec once your boner goes away and I'll grab Bridge for now. I'll meditate tonight and we can shower after we finish with the babies, ok?"

Ben nodded yes as his wife got out of bed to comfort their youngest twins.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Leia jumped at the chance to have some time for herself so Twitch set up a spa day for her. Ben and Natalie were left with their children for the day. 

Natalie got all the kids dressed while Ben focused on feeding everyone. After breakfast, the kids played in the living room. 

They had put Lexi and Bella in the same bedroom and let Xander have his own room for a while. That was a mistake!! Natalie thought it would be a good idea to make sure that the kids' rooms were as immaculate as they could be. The girls' room was in pretty good shape. Xander's room was atrocious! He'd hidden some food under his bed and it had turned rancid. The smell made her nearly throw up in her mouth. It was lucky that it hadn't attracted bugs or rodents. She projected to Ben that he needed to talk with his oldest son about his gross habits. 

Once she put Xander's room through a deep cleaning, Natalie rejoined everyone in the living room. She took the lead in playing with the older kids while Ben observed them from the couch and listened out for their younger twins. Since the kids were getting antsy, Natalie took them downstairs to the gym to play for a while and tire them out for their naps leaving Ben to start working on lunch. 

After she danced with the kids and ran them around the track, she brought them back upstairs to eat lunch. Bridget and Declan woke up as Lexi, Xander, and Bella got settled at the kitchen table. Ben fed the older kids while Natalie fed and changed the babies. She kept the babies up while the other kids were eating in hopes that they would all end up sleeping at the same time after lunch. 

_______________________________________________________________________________

Ben and Natalie flopped in their bed after they managed to put all the kids down for naps. Ben reached out for his wife to kiss her lips and neck. "Baby, you're so sexy. You smell like vanilla, sweat, bleach, and corn chips."

They both laughed careful not the wake the babies. "Sounds like a winning combination. How can you resist?"

"Well, we have a little free time. We can take a nap with the kids and I can take care of you later or I can take care of you now should you so choose.," Ben said with a wicked smile.

"In my old age, I'm getting forgetful. Tell me what you mean by "take care of me?," Natalie said as she returned his wicked smile. "On second thought, I think later would be better. Let's not mix business with pleasure. What we should talk about is Xander. How is he such a filthy little animal? Were you like that when you were his age?"

Ben laughed out loud. "You got me, Mrs. Solo. It must run in the family. I promise I'll talk to him about changing his ways or else he'll never find a woman who's as good as his mom. Let me massage you, we'll go to sleep, and then we'll get up to take care of the kids. We can take our private time later." He gently massaged her neck, upper back, and shoulders then followed up with some butterfly kisses. Within minutes, his wife was asleep and he soon followed. 

___________________________________________________________________________________

 

Leia got home by dinner time from her spa day and she was better for it. When she got home, Ben and Natalie continued their parental duties so she could continue her day off. Natalie gave all her older kids baths before putting them to sleep and Ben cleaned up the kitchen. She and Ben met each other in the bedroom. Bridget and Declan were wide awake by design so that hopefully they would sleep longer during the night. "You gonna be ok up here with them while I meditate and work out a little before bed."

"We'll be fine. After I put them to bed, I'll shower and I'll be waiting for you when you get back, Nat.," Ben said as he tended to the twins.

"Baby, I won't hold it against you if you want to get some sleep. It's been a really long day."

"It's been a long day, but I still have some energy to take care of you like I promised.," Ben said as he kissed his wife slowly. "I love you."

"I love you too, baby. I'll be back in a bit."

Natalie made her way down to the gym and sat on the mats to prepare for her meditation. Normally, she'd call out to Abeloth right away once she started, but this time she just tried to enjoy connecting to the Force for a little while. Connecting to the Force tended to be very soothing and relaxing. Now it was just disconcerting for some reason. She called out to Abeloth so that she could move on to her workout as soon as possible. When Abeloth appeared to her, she recounted the goings on of the last few days.

"I know that you need to speak with Kestnor, but you must tread lightly. Clearly something else is going on. I wish I could be of more help to you, but the Force has not revealed anything to me."

"I just know that whatever I find out that everything is gonna be different from now on. "

"I will always be here for you. Whatever happens. May the Force be with you."

She pulled herself out of the deep Force connection in her meditation. That was utterly disappointing. She felt like she could go to sleep for a week, but she needed to get in some sort of workout in before she went upstairs. She got up from the mats and went over to the sound system to play some music for her workout. 

__________________________________________________________________________________

Natalie was getting old!! She had done one of her normal workouts and she felt like she's aged 40 or 50 years. She stretched really well after the workout and ran upstairs to get into the shower hoping that the warm water would massage her muscles. After she dried off, she stretched again before gently laying in bed next to Ben naked. He was clearly exhausted from his day so she didn't wake him, but he eventually woke when he realized she was in bed with him now. "How was your workout, baby?," he said sleepily.

"Enlightening. I realize how old I'm getting. It's hard to keep this up with 5 kids and a husband whose a decade younger than me!"

"Baby, you did most of the heavy lifting today! You got the kids dressed for the day, played with them, cleaned their rooms, and gave them baths before they went to bed. You deserve some rest and pampering. Besides, you don't have to work that hard for me. I'll worship you regardless!!," Ben said as he got himself in position to massage his wife's neck, back, and shoulders. 

"There's always another sweet young thing with a better ass than mine around the corner. What will you do if I don't make it back to you after tomorrow? We've both thought about it."

Ben exhaled in a bit of frustration, but continued to massage his wife's tight muscles. "At times like this, why must you always talk about me being with someone else?"

"Because I love you and those children so much that I don't want you to be alone. That isn't wrong."

"Is it wrong to love you so much that I know that I would only compare that person to you? I would never want to make someone feel like they could never live up to an impossible ideal. "

Natalie turned to look into his eyes and talk to him. "Just don't shut yourself off from the possibility. Stay open to loving someone else and letting them love you. Please. "

Ben stared at his wife and tears started to come. "Don't leave us. Please. I know we talked about it, but I can't lose you."

"What else can I do? Snoke has already placed himself front and center in our lives. I can't just sit here and wait for him to do it again. We don't have a choice. I can't hide from this. If you have a better idea or plan, tell me."

Ben was silent because there was nothing that could be done differently. 

"Hey, I'm really tired and I'm gonna have a long day tomorrow. If you see my super hot and sexy husband, would you send him my way so he can fuck me silly before our babies wake up wet and hungry? I'd be ever so grateful."

Ben grinned widely and Natalie smiled while she wondered if she'd ever see that crooked grin again after tonight. Her eyes sparkled with tears as she stroked his scar and leaned forward to softly kiss him. He moved his hands through her loose curls to hold her head closer so he could deepen their kiss. Once they settled into their desperate kissing, he moved his hands down to her ass to gently squeeze it and she wrapped her legs around his waist. Ben ground his erection into his wife's warmth achingly slow as they both moaned into their kisses. Natalie moved her hands into Ben's shorts to help him remove them. He quickly moved away from his wife to throw his shorts to the floor and then returned to her to ramp up their lovemaking. They both maneuvered so he could enter her and it always felt so new and intoxicating when he was finally inside her. It made their bond thrum with a pleasing warmth. They always needed a few moments before they could start to fuck each other properly, but the entry was like a beautiful appetizer that absolutely set a high bar before the main course blew your mind. Their hands ran over each other's skin as they continued their kisses that were salty with tears. 

Ben thrusted his hips and Natalie moved to meet him as they chased their climax. They looked into each other's eyes while they made love and traced their tears down their faces with their fingers. Ben slowed his thrusts as Natalie clenched around him and they held each other close with one hand while they laced the fingers of the other hand. Both exhaled against the other's face as their passion reached the heights they had been moving toward. Natalie moved them so she was on top to continue searching for a higher high and Ben obliged her because he wanted and needed it too. They worked together, Ben with his thrusts and Natalie with her tightening warmth, toward another orgasm. The friction, moaning, and filthy sounds of their sex increased until they were able to reach the higher level they both sought. Their bond echoed with pleasure. They continued to desperately kiss each other, but they knew they would both succumb to exhaustion soon. "Just stay inside me until you go soft, ok?," she whispered through their bond and he nodded because he would oblige her like he always did. They rolled so they were lying next to each other. She kissed his dewy chest and then returned to kiss his lips before she laid her head against his chest to fall asleep within minutes. He ran his hands over her back and through her hair to keep her relaxed and asleep. It took awhile for his dick to soften like it always did and he was almost asleep before he heard the telltale soft snore from his wife that indicated that she was extremely tired and in a deep sleep. It made him smile briefly before he closed his eyes and wondered if he would ever hear that adorable sound again after tonight.


	12. The One Day Where Everything Went Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben silently fights his dark thoughts. Natalie goes to visit Kestnor and gets an unexpected surprise. Snoke makes his presence known changing things between Ben and Natalie forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a hard chapter to write for many reasons. There were tears!!

Ben slept for a few hours before he heard Bridget and Declan stir. Nat didn't even flinch when they started to cry so he knew she was exhausted. He got up to change and feed them. He thought for a moment how amazing it was how good he'd gotten at this and how different his life had turned out than what he was on track for since before he'd met his wife. After he made sure the babies were comfortably asleep, he laid back down in bed beside his wife. 

She had her back to him and he admired her body. The gnarled scars on her upper back that Johnson gave her, the various nondescript scars she'd likely gotten from the vigilante activities she had been involved in, the scar she'd gotten from the pimp she was beating up the night they had met…

Force help him, he was getting hard. He was tired and he needed to sleep too. As he started to become flaccid and he was about to drift off to sleep, a dark thought crept into his mind as he stared at his wife's neck. It would be so easy to just reach out, touch her neck, squeeze, and his biggest problem would be done with…

______________________________________________________________________________

 

Natalie woke up and swore she could smell something familiar. Ben was in bed beside her sleeping peacefully. The babies were also sleeping peacefully. She could tell that Ben had to get up recently to change and feed them. She must have really been tired if she hadn't heard them. She got up to get some water and go to the bathroom. She couldn't get over the feeling that something was off. Probably because she was about to go and visit Kestnor later today. She was still really tired and needed to go to bed. Ben looked so cute while he was sleeping that she was tempted to touch him, but he needed to rest too. She laid down next to him, shut her eyes, and fell asleep.

______________________________________________________________________________

 

Ben woke up feeling really weird, but he needed to get his day started before the kids woke up. He'd fix some breakfast and bring Nat breakfast in bed before she left to see Kestnor. He got out of bed and went to the kitchen. He got out a bunch of food, utensils, and things to cook in. While he was cooking, dark thoughts would come to him just as fast as they would leave him--slitting his wife's throat with the kitchen knife he was using to cut vegetables, poisoning her breakfast, etc. He knew Snoke was doing this as a scare tactic. His mind was still his own and he could control himself. Nat was gonna talk to Kestnor and she'd be back. He had to be positive. 

He could hear his older kids stirring so he finished up and got ready to plate up food for everyone. He'd get Xander settled first at the kitchen table so he could take a moment to talk to him about his bad habits then he'd get Lexi and Bella up to feed them before he checked on his younger twins. Hopefully, he could get all the kids fed before he woke up his wife with her breakfast.

_______________________________________________________________________________

 

Ben managed to get all the kids and Leia fed before he brought Nat her food in bed. She was just coming around when he came into their bedroom with her tray. "Oh baby, you shouldn't have."

"Let's not talk to each other about what we shouldn't do today, ok?," Ben said thinking to himself that what he said was a little weird or that his tone wasn't how he meant it.

"Ok. Are you alright?"

"I think I'm still a little tired. Did you sleep alright?"

"Yea. I should probably eat, shower, and get dressed so I can get going. Thank you for breakfast, baby.," Natalie said as she reached out to grab Ben and kiss him.

Ben moved closer to her and kissed his wife while his hands wanted to encircle her neck, but he resisted the urge. This was starting to scare him as it was eerily close to that incident in the gym while they were sparring. He left her to eat and he went back to help Leia out with the kids. He just needed to clear his head for a moment.

________________________________________________________________________________

Natalie got dressed and made her way out to the living room where everyone was. Ben and Leia had gotten all the older kids dressed and they were playing quietly while their younger siblings were asleep. Natalie kissed all the kids and hugged Leia goodbye. Ben walked his wife into the elevator and he hugged her on the ride down. They kissed for a few moments and exchanged I love yous before she left. Ben stayed downstairs for a moment and he got a sudden urge to see Twitch. He rode the elevator back up to let Leia know he was going to run out for a little bit before he walked to Twitch's place.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Once she returned to Ben's time, Natalie sensed it would be a good idea to close the portal just in case something went wrong there. She probably didn't need it anymore anyway. Kestnor had obviously found a way to corrupt Ben into attacking her so it stood to reason that eventually he could try to make his way to her time and she didn't want to help him by keeping the portal open. She folded to the government complex and asked to meet with Hux and Poe. Of course, she didn't have an appointment because of the spur of the moment nature of her visit, but she also knew that they would accommodate her due to her past role in helping to build the hybrid government entity. Once they were aware of her presence, both Hux and Poe came out to the reception area to meet her. 

They exchanged hugs, kisses, and pleasantries because it had been awhile since she'd seen them, but she made it clear that it wasn't a social call. Once she made them aware of what she needed, Hux took the lead and arranged for their transport to the black site.

"How are you and Poe? I can tell you work too much as usual, Hux."

"We're okay. No wedding yet, but we hope it can happen soon. How are you and Ben?"

"We're ok, but I need to tie up some things with Kestnor. Snoke has tried to re-insert himself into our lives."

"I thought he couldn't do that while he was trapped inside Kestnor."

"We thought so too, but something's changed. That's why I had to come and see him."

"Well, I've checked on him regularly and nothing has raised a red flag. He's been a model prisoner."

"How many prisoners are kept there?"

"Right now, just him. It's been difficult to justify the expense, but I've made it work so far."

"What about the guard assignments? Any changes recently?"

"No, everything has been stable." 

The transport was going through the docking procedure so Hux and Natalie prepared to enter the prison. Initially, everything seemed like it had before they had returned home with their newest twins. They spoke to the guards and made arrangements to have Kestnor brought to the interrogation room. After the guards made their way down to his cell, a commotion started and a guard ran back to alert them that there was a problem. Hux and Natalie followed the guard down to the cell and there laid Kestnor's body. Natalie's medical training kicked in immediately and she checked his pulse. Kestnor was dead!! Not just dead, but he'd been dead for a few days by the looks of him.

"How the fuck did this happen? When was the prisoner last seen alive?," Hux questioned his guards.

"Sir, we just saw him this morning and he was fine."

Natalie knew the guard was telling the truth. At least he thought he was. His mind had been manipulated and she could assume that the rest of the on duty guards had experienced the same. 

"Hux, we need to see the security recordings right now!"

They both ran to the control room to pull up the recordings since Ben and Natalie were last at the black site. Hux had hand picked all the guards so he knew them and their histories intimately. As they watched the footage, Hux keyed in on a man that he was unfamiliar with talking to Kestnor when he was still alive. He called one of the guards to answer questions on the unknown person.

"Who is this man?," Hux said pointing at the sandy blonde haired young man speaking to Kestnor highlighted in freeze frame.

"I'm not sure, sir. I've never seen him before.," the guard said. 

"Hux, we're not gonna get anywhere asking the guards questions. They've clearly had their minds messed with. See if you can find him on the security cameras at the government complex. He probably got here from there. And maybe there's some database you can find him in."

"Ok, give me a moment.," Hux said as he accessed some things on his datapad with his fingers moving furiously. 

"Here. He checked in to the complex a few weeks ago as a member of an Outer Rim planet delegation there to discuss some issues with trade negotiations. From there….from there, it appears he must have made his way here somehow. Looks like….he got on to the only transport previous to ours here today when the guards were switched out." Hux's fingers were flying across the screen. 

Natalie had a bad feeling about this as Hux was working to put the timeline together. "He's clearly Force sensitive and probably well trained if he could manipulate all these men so easily. He has to be a sleeper, a backup plan for Snoke to get out of here. Where did he go from here, Hux?"

"There was a transport a few days ago. He must have got on it to go back to the complex, but……I don't seen any sign of him back at the complex. He could have gotten on another ship and gone anywhere from there. According to the galaxy database, his name is Janek Sondi, 21 years old, and there is no criminal record for him."

"Keep working on finding him, Hux. I have to go. Snoke fucking set me up to leave my family unprotected!," Natalie said as she folded back home.

___________________________________________________________________________

 

Natalie made it to her home ok, but she was a little disoriented as she had never tried to fold through time and space as she just had. It took her a moment to come to her senses and she heard some commotion from the kids and Leia. 

"Leia, what's wrong? Where's Ben?"

"He left for a little while right after you had gone and when he came back, he took Bella. He had blood on his hands, Natalie. I tried to talk to him and he pushed me aside. He wasn't…..himself."

"I'll be back. Stay here with the kids and don't let anyone in.," Natalie said right before she folded to where the time portal used to be. Snoke was trying to leave with their daughter!

______________________________________________________________________________

 

Natalie folded into the alley and she could see Ben with his back to her. The wind blew his hair around and he turned to face her with their screaming daughter in his bloody hands.

"Imagine my surprise as I was checking on my former apprentice when I discovered this miracle of the Force. In all my time, I've never come into contact with a being this young that was so full of potential. The ability to heal has so many applications---"

"Give her to me and I'll open the portal for you. You are not leaving with her, Snoke!," Natalie said with tears streaming down her face and a nose full of Snoke's stench.

"I will leave with her or she'll die here. It is your choice!"

"Ben, I know you're still in there! I need you to give Bella to me, please! You promised me you wouldn't hurt our children!," she pleaded through their bond as she kept moving toward them.

"He is still here, but he is powerless against me as he has always been! You will open the portal now and I will leave with the child alive or snap her neck right now!!"

"Ben, baby, please! I need your help now!," she pleaded again through their bond.

Ben's eyes blinked and he saw his squirming and screaming daughter in his bloody hands. He quickly handed his child to his wife as he tried to maintain control of his mind. "Nat, he made me! I didn't want to! I didn't want to hurt--"

"She's not hurt, she's just scared, baby. Bella's gonna be fine."

Ben was crying and shaking with his dominion over his mind staying tenuous. "I'm sorry, I hurt…Twitch!"

Natalie's face fell and she backed away from Ben with their daughter. "What did you do?"

"I…I…," Ben said as he was trying to answer before Snoke reasserted his dominance. 

"Your friend was a casualty of our little dispute. A lesson you need to learn. No one is innocent. Everyone is a pawn to be used as I see fit. I used his death to hurt you."

She continued to back away, but she let out her rage as she never had before when she opened the portal again and forced Ben through it soon after. She closed the portal and folded back to her home with Bella.

 

"Thank the Force! Is she ok?"

"It's not her blood. She's just scared. I need you to take her, Leia."

"Where's Ben?"

"Snoke took him over, he's gone. Leia, I need to go and check on Twitch. Are you gonna be ok with the kids?"

"Yes, I'll be fine."

Natalie checked on all the kids and kissed each of them before she folded to Twitch's home. She amazingly hadn't been there before. She got the location from Ben's mind earlier. She ran around the house and called Twitch's name before she found him in the kitchen with a knife in his gut and blood pooled around him. She called 911 and described the scene. After she hung up, she went about checking to see if he was still alive. She could tell he was gone before she touched him, but she hoped against hope. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry……………," she said over and over before she broke down in tears against his lifeless face. She was close enough to him that her clothes were getting soaked in the blood pooling around his body, but she didn't care. It was all her fault that he was dead.

_____________________________________________________________________________

 

She was still there when EMS and police arrived. She answered all their questions appropriately, but she otherwise was nearly catatonic. The detectives realized she was in shock and offered to take her to the hospital to be evaluated. She refused, but she did take them up on the offer to have them call someone to pick her up and make sure that she made it home ok. There was only one person she knew that she could count on for them to call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've been following the story, there are still some surprises in store. Suffice it to say, there are no perfect characters in this story!! Everyone is flawed!!


	13. The One Who Answered The Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neal steps up when Natalie needs him. Natalie grieves and has only one direction to turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance cause the chapter is long and focuses on a somewhat secondary character quite a bit. I promise that it will pay off!!

Neal Pearce, MD had just finished up his surgeries and notes for the day and he was relaxing in his garish office when his receptionist alerted him that the police were on the phone for him. When he answered, he was not totally surprised at the news of Jonathan Meyers's death, but he was dumbfounded at the fact they were calling to inform him about it and that they were asking him to come collect Natalie. Where was Ben? When he asked if she was ok, they told him that she was in shock from finding her friend's body and needed some support. She was the one who gave them his number to call!! Once they gave him the address, he ran out of the office yelling to his receptionist to hold his calls before he jumped into his garaged Konigsegg Agera R to go and pickup Natalie. 

________________________________________________________________________________

When Neal arrived at Meyers' residence, there were still many policeman on site. 

"Dr. Pearce?"

"Yes, I'm here for Natalie Solo."

"This way."

The man he assumed was a detective due to his plain clothes led him to where Natalie was sitting in the dining room alone. Her long wavy hair was disheveled, her face was a little puffy from crying with tears still apparent, and her clothes were covered in blood. Neal walked over and kneeled in front of her.

"Are you ok?," he said as he stroked her cheek and looked into her wet face.

"I've been a lot better.," she said as she tried to manage a smile with trembling lips. "Thanks so much for coming. Can we go to your place so I can clean up and borrow some clothes? You can take me home after?"

"Sure." Neal was more than happy to help her, but his mind was so full of questions right now. She was obviously not in any shape to answer any of them so he'd save them for later. He stood up and offered her a hand to help her out of the chair so they could go to his car.

When they got to his car, Natalie hesitated. "Neal, your car. The upholstery is going to be ruined from the blood."

"Don't worry about it. I'll have it fixed." He came over to the passenger side to open the door for her and helped her into the seat even snapping the seatbelt in place. He got back over to the driver's seat, fastened his seatbelt, and drove off to his place. He looked over at her for a moment and saw that she was looking at his car. He knew she was likely silently judging the ostentatious piece of transportation he was using. Oddly enough, it was one of the things Neal was attracted to about her--the fact that she never had a problem with calling him on his bullshit. He could admit to himself that his preoccupation with her was not mentally or emotionally healthy if he was ever going to move on to an adult relationship with someone else, but he wanted to continue to hold on to it for now. 

They made it to his condo in no time. After he parked in the garage, he got out of the car to help Natalie up from her seat and into his home. He held her hand to lead her up the few stairs from the garage. Again, he noticed her looking around at the surroundings and silently judging his taste in decoration. "The spare room is this way. There's a shower in there and you can go in the closet to find some old scrubs that will probably fit you. I'll be waiting out here and just let me know if you need anything."

Once Natalie closed the door to the back room, Neal made a beeline for the living room mirror. He was attractive if he said so himself. He was blonde and starting to gray at his temples, but he was in excellent shape for man nearing 50. He hadn't been lifting weights in a while, but he kept up with jogging to maintain his cardio. At nearly 6'1, he could be just as imposing as a certain raven haired man who shall remain nameless for now. He did well with the ladies when he wanted to. He was well recognized in his field. He was a catch. What the fuck was he doing? Plotting on seducing a grieving married woman with 5 kids? He'd had many married women for some fun in the sack, but he was never serious about any of them nor they for him. He could honestly say he'd never had a real relationship since high school. He wasn't sure if he even knew how to have a relationship, but he would try for the right person. He decided he was done admiring himself and he went to sit on his couch to wait for Natalie.

Neal sat for a while on the couch and decided he needed to check on Natalie. He knocked on the door a few times then opened it when there was no answer. The shower was still running and the room was a bit steamy. "Natalie? You ok?" 

He could hear her bawling in the shower. He grabbed a towel and moved toward the shower. "Hey, I've got a towel for you. Let's get you out of here.," he said as he made sure not to embarrass her by peaking while she was naked. She turned off the shower and took the towel from his hands to cover herself. He carefully led her out of the bathroom and to the bed. He was about the leave the room, but she stopped him. "Could you just stay for a few minutes, please? I'm gonna try to sleep for about an hour and then you can take me home, yea?"

"Ok, whatever you need."

"Thank you, Neal.," she said as she laid her damp head on his chest. 

"Lemme just, ah…." Neal adjusted himself in the bed so he could lay down and she could still lay her head on his chest. "Is that better?"

"Yes, thanks. I'm not interrupting any plans for you, am I?"

"No, I'm done for the day. I'll stay until you fall asleep, ok?" She was still in a towel so he ran his hands over her arms to try and comfort her. He needed to stay focused so he didn't get hard. He imagined being this close to her, but never thought it would actually happen. He was only being a friend, nothing more. Shortly after they laid down, Natalie was asleep. He smiled when he heard her very light snoring. He remembered her saying she had chronic sinusitis and that was the likely culprit. He should get up and let her rest. He should also call her house to let her family know where she was and how long it would be before she would be home. He very carefully moved away and placed Natalie's head on the bed then left the room, closing the door behind him. 

He dialed up Natalie's house and the phone was picked up on the first ring. "Natalie?"

"Leia, uh..Ms. Organa? It's Neal, Dr. Pearce."

"Dr. Pearce, hello. How can I help you?"

" I was just calling to tell you that Natalie is with me and I'll be bringing her home in an hour or so."

"Why are you bringing her home? What happened?"

"The police called me to pick her up. Jonathan Myers was killed today and Natalie found him at his home. She's in bad shape and she gave them my number. Is Ben there?"

"Ben's…not here. Thank you for taking care of her. Did the police know what happened to Twitch?"

"I didn't get that far. I just wanted to get Natalie out of there. Are you and the kids ok?"

"We're fine, Dr. Pearce. Thanks for your concern. We'll be ok. Thank you again."

"You're welcome, goodnight." That was weird. Maybe Ben actually left town shortly after the conversation they had about his past catching up with him. Did this have anything to do with what happened to Meyers? Neal would have to step up to protect Natalie and the kids. This was the chance he was hoping for, right?

He checked in with his receptionist for his messages and then sat on the couch for a bit while Natalie was sleeping.

_______________________________________________________________________________

 

When Neal came back to the bedroom to wake Natalie, she was just starting to wake. "You feeling better?"

"Honestly, I still feel like shit. Just minimally better. Thanks to you."

"Ok, I'll give you a few minutes to get dressed and we can go when you're ready. I called Leia so she and the kids are expecting you soon."

"I'll be ready in a moment. I'll meet you out front."

When she came out, she was wearing some scrubs that quite frankly she was drowning in, but they would do until she got home. Neal couldn't help but laugh at her, but she was still beautiful with her hair up in a messy bun. 

"Let's get you home." 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

When Neal and Natalie arrived in front of her loft, he again got out of the driver's seat to help her out of the car. "You really came through for me today, Neal. Are you sure you don't want me to pay for the damage to your upholstery?"

"Of course not. I was happy to help. Call me later if you need anything else, ok?"

"Goodnight." She made her way to the elevator and rode it up to her living room. "Mommy!," she heard in unison from her 3 older children as they ran over to hug her. Bella seemed no worse for wear after what happened earlier with Snoke. 

"Are you gonna get Daddy back, Mommy?," Xander asked. Natalie's face fell.

"I'll try, baby.," she said as she looked over at Leia.

"Daddy needs your help, Mommy.," Lexi said.

"I know, baby. Listen, we're gonna take a trip so I need grandma Leia to help me get some clothes and supplies together for us, ok? Can you guys go to your rooms for me and we'll be there in a minute, ok?"

The kids ran to their rooms in anticipation. "Are you ok, Natalie?"

"No, I'm not, Leia. But I need to keep moving before I have to much time to think about it. We need help. Ideally, Luke and Rey's help. I need to move you and the kids with them until I can sort things out with Ben and Snoke."

"What happened?"

"We can talk about it later, but for now, let's get going, ok?"

"Ok. Can you check on Bridget and Declan and I'll start getting Lexi, Bella, and Xander sorted?"

Natalie nodded as she headed to her and Ben's bedroom. The twins were actually awake and cooed at their mother when she looked at them. Their diapers were soiled so she changed them and dressed them in some clothes for their travel. She gathered enough clothes and supplies to last them for some weeks. She could always travel back if they needed something else. She ditched the ridiculous scrubs she borrowed from Neal in favor of some comfortable clothes that actually fit her. She attached a carrier to her chest to hold the twins and met Leia and the kids in the living room to help finish up preparations to leave.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Luckily, Luke and Wedge were home. Of course, they were happy to host them for as long as they needed. Natalie and Leia put the kids to bed after dinner and then they discussed the state of things with Luke.

"We'd already agreed to Ben giving up his body for Snoke to inhabit after we got the twins back. We didn't see any other way out of it. Snoke was just going to keep coming after us. He gave Ben 30 days to resolve his business. But something obviously changed. It started with Snoke invading Ben's mind and attacking me when we were sparring. I figured I needed to come back to the prison and talk to Kestnor. By the time I had gotten to the prison with Hux, Kestnor had been dead for a few days. Snoke had a Force sensitive sleeper agent named Janek Sondi make contact with him at the prison and he made the jump to his body. Snoke had been lurking around in Ben's mind and figured out that our daughter Bella had the power to heal. He hadn't counted on me closing the portal, so I confronted him and I convinced Ben to wake up and give our daughter back to me. Then Ben told me that he killed my best friend because Snoke made him do it. I got so angry that I opened the portal and forced Ben through it.," Natalie recounted for Luke and Leia as she calmly cried. 

"What do you need from Rey and I? You know we'll help you anyway we can."

"I need you and Rey to train our older children. Xander and Lexi need the discipline and Bella needs to be able to protect herself. Leia, I need you to watch out for the kids while I'm gone. I have to take care of some business back in my time for a couple days. Then I'll deal with Ben and Snoke."

"Of course, anything I can do, Natalie. It's late. I'm gonna go to bed.," Leia said as she hugged Natalie and Luke.

"Do you have a plan to deal with Ben and Snoke?"

"Not yet. I just can't right now."

"You have to be ready for this. I know you've considered the possibility that you won't come back."

"Of course, I have, Luke! I know that our children could be orphaned, but I can't dwell on it. Snoke is my business to deal with and I'll try to handle it the best I can. I have to make sure that at least one of us can be around to raise our kids."

"Ben would want that to be you."

"You think it would be foolish for me to attempt to save him, don't you?"

"No, but doing so could cost you your life. I think Ben wouldn't approve of you taking the risk."

Natalie nods knowing that Luke is right. "I have to go back for Twitch's funeral. I'll be back in a couple days before I go after Snoke. Thank you, Luke. For everything."

Natalie folds back to her loft and sees that her phone has many urgent messages all from the same person--Kieran, Twitch's assistant. He needs her to see something right away. She calls him back so he can come by. He's there in 15 minutes.

"I'm so sorry, Mrs. Solo, to bother you so late. Twitch wanted you to see this in the event….of his death." He hands her a disc to view. "I'll give you some privacy. Please call me in the morning so we can go over some details and I can answer any questions you have. The funeral is tomorrow night at 9pm. Goodnight." Kieran got into the elevator and left the loft.

She held the disc for a few moments before she placed it in her laptop to view. When the disc started to play, the tears started right away when Twitch's face showed up on the screen.

"Hey darling. Obviously, if you're watching this then I'm dead. I hope I was able to go sleeping peacefully in the arms of a beautiful man, but probably not." Twitch paused and started to tear up himself. "You know I don't have any other family than you, baby. Then you met Ben and you two brought those beautiful kids into my life. I can't think of anyone else who I'd rather gift my life's work and whatever came along with it to than you. I know that you will do what you see fit with everything and take care of yourself and the rest of our family. I just have one last request. As soon as you took me to that beautiful beach, I knew that it was where I wanted my final resting place to be. Thank you for showing me how what I thought was impossible could become possible. I love you, honey. I'll see you in the next life."

The video ended and Natalie was bawling. Snoke may have used Ben's hand to kill Twitch, but the fault laid at her feet. She thought she knew Snoke so well. She'd selfishly ignored the dangers of Snoke's invasion of Ben's mind and the possible repercussions of it. She'd taken the powers she'd been gifted with for granted. And in a few days, she would have to go after Snoke to kill him and most likely her husband too. This felt….this was the lowest she had felt in a long time. This reminded her of when she was raped and didn't know how to go on. She didn't want to be alone right now so she grabbed her cell phone and texted Neal to call her if he was still awake. Within minutes, her cell phone rang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for anyone who is still following the story. I could still use some feedback. I feel like I've grown in my writing. I could still do better. I've hit some peaks and valleys, but such is life!!


	14. The One Who Needed Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neal and Natalie play a game and it goes a little too far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are no consent issues in this chapter!!

Neal pulled up outside Natalie's warehouse in his Jaguar this time. It was a more comfortable car to drive people in and his Konigsegg's upholstery was going to need to be repaired. She sounded like she was in worse shape now than she had been earlier that day. He called her from his car to let her know that he was downstairs. After a few minutes, Natalie came down and joined him in his car. Her face was dry, but showed signs of recent crying. "Thanks again for coming, Neal. I just couldn't stay by myself tonight."

"Where's Leia and the kids?" He didn't ask about Ben and he thought it was weird that she hadn't mentioned him at all. That had to mean that he'd left her, right?

"I took them to stay with Leia's brother for a while. I'll go back when I can get through the funeral and everything. The funeral's at 9pm tomorrow. Can you make it? I know you didn't like him, but----"

"On the contrary, I respected and liked Mr. Meyers very much. I just thought he was wasting his talent working with the criminal underworld." Neal could sense Natalie's disappointment with him as he took a moment to look at her while he was driving them to his place. "Of course, I'll be there to support you. I'll help out when and wherever you need me."

"Thank you. I have a favor to ask. Do you have any booze at your place? If not, can we stop and get some?"

"Do you think it's a good idea for you to be drinking right now?"

"No, it isn't, but it may make me feel better in the short term. You're not going to deny me a little happiness right now, are you?," she said with a smile.

Neal laughed cautiously. "No, I wouldn't dare. I've got plenty of alcohol at home and we can order some food if you want to."

"Ok. Neal, I know I seem really fragile right now, but you are a brain surgeon. Don't you have some surgeries or consults scheduled tomorrow?"

"Don't worry about it. I can move some things around if I need to or just have a resident handle it."

They pulled into his garage and he helped her out of the car. He took her hand and led her into his home. She sat down at his kitchen table and tried to make herself comfortable. 

"So is the place starting to grow on you now?"

"It's a little less annoying now. The company helps."

"I'm sure there's someone else that you'd rather spend time with especially right now."

"Is that your clumsy way of asking where my husband is? I know I haven't exactly been forthcoming, but I think we've know each other long enough that there's no need to beat around the bush, Neal."

"Why isn't Ben here with you, Natalie?"

"He would be if he could. He doesn't have a choice anymore. Don't worry, it has nothing to do with the threats you made to him and Twitch!"

Neal grimaced at that comment. "I was just trying to protect you and the kids. That's all."

"Have I demonstrated to you that I can't protect myself?"

"No, just maybe that you have bad taste in husbands."

"Ouch! Thank you for that. I could have stayed home if I knew I was gonna get this type of abuse!," Natalie said before she giggled.

He had missed hearing her laugh. "You have any idea what you'd like to order? You know things close early around here."

"I don't need anything heavy. Just something to soak up the alcohol. I'm fine with whatever you choose."

"Ok, while we're waiting, how about that drink? Wine, vodka, whiskey?"

"I think whiskey would do the trick. Will you be drinking with me?"

"Maybe just 1 or 2.," Neal needed to stay sober with Natalie so he could guarantee that he wouldn't behave inappropriately. "Lemme order the food and I'll get you that drink."

________________________________________________________________________________

Natalie started telling Neal some stories about Twitch after the food arrived. He could tell that the reminiscing made her equally happy and sad. When she got to her 5th drink, her sadness increased and the happiness all but disappeared. 

"I wish I had gotten the chance to know him better."

"Me too. He probably would have loosened you up quite a bit."

"What's that mean?"

"Neal, other than harassing me, you've always been a bit of a boy scout."

"You calling me a stick in the mud?"

"More like the stick was in your ass!," Natalie said laughingly.

"I'm a fun guy! You've seen my car!! I'm capable of spontaneity!," Neal protested.

"I've seen no evidence of this! I never heard of you dating any of the other women at the hospital or hanging out with any of the other docs. Quite frankly, I was shocked when you asked me out, more shocked when you stood me up with barely a word of apology, and the most shocked when you started harassing me."

"Ok, let's play a game. Truth or dare?"

"Sure, if you go first. Truth or dare?"

"Truth. I liked you. I always liked you and of course, I thought you were attractive. You were so confident in yourself and your skills, but you were so humble. Everyone respected you. I got up the courage to ask you out. The day came for our date and I froze. I never freeze. Ever. I was so intimidated because I thought we'd go out and you'd think I was a fraud. So to save face, I led with my confidence. If I couldn't be with you then I'd still be the powerful one, not you. Truth or dare?"

Natalie pondered his admission for a moment. "Truth." She took a drink before she made her own. This was probably not territory she should be covering, but given his tale of truth, Neal deserved some quid pro quo. "It's my fault that Twitch is dead."

"You didn't stab him in the gut with a kitchen knife.," Neal stated this as a fact although there was no way for him to know otherwise.

"I didn't stab him, but I might as well have. " She downed some more whiskey and broke down in tears. "He left me everything. His business, his money, his properties….I should have saved him. You think you know me? You don't! I've done some horrible things! I'm not the person who you thought I was! Truth or dare?"

Neal was shocked by what she was saying, but he'd still keep playing. "Truth. You didn't kill Meyers, but you know who did.," he said while looking at her face for her reaction. "You know who killed him and you're protecting the person who did. You'd only do that if you thought that person was worth protecting. Truth or dare?"

"Truth. I know who killed him, it's not who you think, and I'm not protecting him. Twitch was killed to get to me. He knew it would throw me and my family into a state of chaos. So I have to deal with him now. " Natalie knew she was on the verge of revealing way to much. She downed one last glass of whiskey. "I'm so close to being really drunk so I'm gonna drink some water, go to the bathroom, and go to bed, if you don't mind. Thank you for listening to me rant." She stood up a little too quickly and very nearly fell down before Neal reached out to save her from hitting the floor. 

"Take it easy. Let's get you to the couch and I'll get you that water, ok?" He walked her slowly to his living room couch. When she settled there, he went to the kitchen to get her a glass of water. 

"Here drink this slowly." Natalie took the glass from him and proceeded to drink. 

"You must be very disappointed."

"Disappointed about what?"

"That you wasted your time caring about me."

"I'm not disappointed."

"Why not?"

"Because you're worth caring about."

"Neal, were you just listening to what I said? I'm not the perfect person you thought I was!"

"I was listening. I never thought you were perfect. What kept me from pursuing things appropriately with you is what I thought I would learn about myself. That my life was empty without someone I could love and that would love me. I wasn't sure I could stand up to the self reflection."

"There's someone for you to love out there. You just have to be open to it."

"I'm open to it now and I've already met her. All I have to do is wait for her to realize I'm a better choice for her.," Neal said as he reached out to touch and stroke her left cheek. 

Natalie recoiled slowly from his touch and swallowed. "I'm too…drunk for this conversation. I've gotta go to the bathroom." She got up from couch slowly and made her way to the bathroom while Neal kept an eye out in case she needed help. 

She got to the bathroom ok. She relieved herself, washed her hands, and splashed her face with cold water. She'd let this go too far. She needed to go home and sleep off the alcohol. She'd go out, apologize, and have Neal drive her home. She stared at herself in the mirror for a few moments. She looked like shit and she'd been crying all day. Knocking on the door brought her out of her reverie.

"You ok in there?"

"I'm fine. Thank you." She opened the door and Neal was standing there with a look of worry. "Would you mind taking me back home?," she said as she walked back to the living room. 

"I don't think you should be home alone now after you've been drinking. Is this about what I said?"

"Not really. I just think I let things get too out of hand."

"Please stay. I just wanna be available if you need something. That's all."

"I think I laid too much at your feet. It wasn't fair."

"It's totally fair after what I put you through."

"I forgave you for that. You don't owe me anything else."

"Of course I do. I'm in love with you. I have been for a long time."

"You're not in love with me! You barely know me! I thought we established that earlier!"

"I want to know you better. If I've learned nothing from what's happened to Meyers, I've learned that life is too short not to say how I feel anymore. I wasted so much time. It probably cost me the chance to be happy with you. I can't keep making the same mistakes. The price is too high."

"Stop this. I'm married with 5 young children. You think I'm just going to walk away from my husband and live happily ever after with you in your bachelor pad! Can we fit all 5 of my kids in your Konigsegg Agera R?"

"I'm not saying it would be easy, but I'm willing to try! And while we're on the subject, where is Ben? You haven't said! Why isn't he with you now like I am?"

"If he could be here, he would! Neal, whether he's here or gone, dead or alive…I will never feel about you the way I feel about him, time won't change that!"

"When you needed someone, you called me. Why?"

"Because I knew you would come. I knew I could count on you."

"But you can't count on Ben?"

"It's complicated right now!"

"I'm here for you right now and always." He moved closer to her and attempted to stroke her facial scar. 

"Don't do that!"

"I'm sorry. If you just want to talk, we can talk. If you need me to hold you, I can do that. Whatever you need from me, I'll give to you. I won't ask for anything in return. Whatever I need to do to make you happy, I will." 

Neal slowly moved a hand to her hip and brought his other hand to her left cheek. His hands were so warm. She visibly settled into his touch and if she was honest with herself, she craved it so much right now. She started to cry. "I shouldn't take comfort in you right now, Neal. It wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be fair."

He moved closer so he could look her in the eye. She could feel his warm breath on her face. He leaned in to kiss her and she didn't push him away. Neal followed Natalie's lead as she allowed him to deepen their kiss, eliciting low deep moan from him. He grudgingly backed away from the kiss to hover just above her lips. "If you want me to stop, I'll stop." They were both breathing heavily. She reached up to run her hands through his hair and draw him back in to their kiss, succumbing to the comfort that he offered and that she so badly needed right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that the Truth or dare sequence is a little weird, but keep in mind that Neal is trying to prove that he can be spontaneous and they're both nearing 50. It's been years that either of them has played this flirty teenage game. If you're trying to visualize Neal, think an older Henry Cavill. I'll admit to having a serious Adam Driver jones, but Henry is just GORGEOUS!!


	15. The One Who Has So Much On Her Shoulders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neal gets what he thinks he wants. Natalie says goodbye to Twitch. Luke and Leia help Natalie in their own ways. Snoke lays a trap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so long and probably long overdue, but I think it's worth it. I missed Ben and wanted to bring him back into the story as quickly as possible.

He wasn't used to sleeping next to the women he'd had sex with. His habit was to leave after the act or gently ask them to leave. The latter got difficult after sex so it was something that was arranged beforehand. With Natalie, he never wanted her to leave. He was lying beside her in bed and she had her back to him. He'd gotten used to hearing her very soft snoring and he knew she was exhausted. She had a pretty great body for a woman her age with 5 young children. Her back was covered in different scars. The ones on her upper back were horrid and looked like they hadn't healed right. She had a myriad of other scars that were well healed all over her body. She'd never told him the origin of the scar she had on the right side of her face. They'd never talked about her double mastectomy, but he knew it was due to breast cancer from when he'd reviewed her medical history before he diagnosed her with the glioblastoma. Neal was in love with her, but Natalie was right. He didn't know her well at all. 

_______________________________________________________________________________

She stirred out of her sleep and her hangover headache kicked in. The earlier hours with Neal came back to her. "Shit." Neal was asleep next to her and they were both still naked in bed. She needed to go home. She got out of bed and got dressed quickly. She arranged for an Uber to pick her up at the corner. 

It took her 15 minutes to get back to her home. She drank a large glass of water, went down to the gym to work out then jumped in the shower to clean her body and wash her hair. After Natalie got out of the shower and dried herself off, she dressed herself in some casual clothes. She called Kieran to let him know she was available for whatever she needed to do today. He let her know that a driver was already outside of her warehouse to bring her to the business office. She'd forgotten that Twitch had a driver and security with him when he went most places. It made her wonder where those people were when Twitch was killed………….

________________________________________________________________________________

 

Once she arrived at Twitch's office, Kieran whisked her away to a conference room with a few lawyers, an accountant, and a breakfast spread. She needed to accept the money, business, and properties of Twitch's estate. It was a very substantial amount and she didn't feel great about taking it. Her will also needed to be updated so that things could run smoothly in the event of her demise. Natalie was starting to feel a little overwhelmed by it all when her phone buzzed. Neal had texted her. He just wanted to know that she made it home ok and she responded that she had. 

After the mountain of paperwork she had to sign, Kieran took her on a tour of the office and introduced her to the rest of the employees. Some of them she had interacted with previously, but obviously now she was the boss. Kieran clued her in on the day to day workings of the business and tried to gauge how involved she wanted to be. He let her know that Twitch was stepping away from a lot of his direct involvement. "I think he was strongly considering retiring. Everything was pretty much setup to work without him having to be here all the time."

Natalie looked at Kieran and marveled. "You were in love with him."

"I…yes. We weren't involved. As a matter of fact, we had a date set on the day he died. He had been involved with Stephen off and on for years. Everybody hated Stephen, but we all knew that Twitch had to figure out that he was horrible for him on his own. I think he only considered dating me because he knew that soon someone else was taking over. Well, enough about me. How have you been holding up, Mrs. Solo?"

"Please call me Natalie. As well as I can expect, I guess. I really miss him."

"Did you want to go home and rest for awhile before the hair, makeup, and wardrobe people see you for the funeral?"

"Hair, makeup, and wardrobe?"

"Yes, it's all arranged. Twitch wanted you to give the eulogy at the funeral and you know he was always good at the details."

"Of course, he was."

"The driver can take you home to rest and then pick you up for the funeral. The support team will show up 3 hours prior to the funeral."

"Thank you, Kieran."

________________________________________________________________________________

 

When Natalie got home, all she could think about was how alone she felt. She'd cry if she wasn't so worried about how her face would look for the funeral. Even the best makeup artist would probably have trouble covering that up. She really missed Ben and the kids. She'd closed their bond because she knew Snoke would use it against her. It was horrible that she pushed her husband through the portal, but at the time, it seemed the best choice given that she was holding their screaming and crying child in her arms who was soiled by her best friend's blood. She's made so many mistakes in dealing with Snoke, but she was going to have the opportunity to fix that soon. Or maybe Snoke would kill her and then go after her children. She couldn't fail. 

Her phone buzzed. Neal had texted her to ask if she still wanted him to come to the funeral. She responded yes. Last night with Neal was… nice. As bad as she thought it should make her feel, it didn't. She should feel bad though. She had cheated on Ben! She had taken advantage of a man who was in love with her! She was being selfish! At this point, she could probably justify anything to get through this situation with Snoke. She could deal with the rest later, besides she or Ben or both were probably going to die soon anyway. She needed some sleep. Her exhaustion eventually overtook her and she closed her eyes to rest. 

_________________________________________________________________________________

 

When the crew arrived to get her prepared for Twitch's funeral, she had just stepped out of the shower. She knew that having her look good was important to him so she went along with this. Apparently, they'd already been given directives. Twitch knew she hated lots of makeup so not much was done in that department, but maybe a little more than she wanted. Her hair was done similar to how it was on her wedding day. The wardrobe was where she was having issues. High heels were the only option Twitch had allowed and of course, he wished to play up her "assets" with her dress. The hemline was a little higher than she liked to show off her legs, it was sleeveless to accentuate her arms, and it was tight on her ass which seemed entirely inappropriate for a funeral. Twitch never cared much for appropriate. She looked more like she was going to a club than a funeral. Twitch was enjoying himself at her expense. She only wished he could actually be here to see her. Everyone put their finishing touches on her and they left. Kieran had already texted her to let her know that the driver was waiting to take her to the funeral downstairs. She gathered a bag with some casual clothes to take with her and made her way down to meet the driver. 

_________________________________________________________________________________

 

When they arrived at the cathedral, there were dozens of cars there already. She hadn't been expecting a ton of people to come, but maybe she should have. Twitch was always loved and respected by most. She just suspected that most of those associated with him through his business would not openly mourn for him. Kieran met her when she opened to car door to enter the cathedral. "You look beautiful. I can see Twitch's influence all over this look.," he said with a smirk.

"Do we know each other well enough for me to say "Fuck you!"?" 

"We barely know each other, but that's ok, Mrs. Solo. I understand the sentiment."

"Please call me Natalie, Kieran! Even when I'm insulting you!"

"Yes, Mrs.--- Natalie. We need to take a few minutes to go over the scheduling, ok? The bishop has allowed us to use his office. Follow me?"

As she followed Kieran into the cathedral, she ogled the surroundings. She knew Twitch wasn't a religious person, but she could see him associating himself with a church if there was a charitable reason. When they got to the office, she and Kieran sat down to review the planned events of the funeral. Twitch was cremated per his instructions and he had asked Natalie to spread his ashes so there would be no travel to anywhere from the cathedral for interment. Natalie told Kieran that she wanted some cremation keepsakes made so that the ashes could be collected for them. He laid out the schedule for her. The bishop would speak first and then she would give a eulogy followed by anyone else who wanted to speak. "Please forgive me, Natalie. I should have asked this earlier. I was trying not to be rude, but will Ben be joining us today? You haven't mentioned him and I know that he and Twitch were close."

"He can't be here right now.," she said plainly.

Kieran left it at that as he could see that it would do no go to pursue a further answer. "Ok, Natalie. Please let me know if you need anything else. I'll leave you alone to collect your thoughts and I'll be back to get you back to the cathedral."

"Thank you, Kieran.," she nodded. 

After Kieran left the office, Natalie took in a few deep breaths. This night was going to be rough. Public speaking wasn't necessarily her forte, but she'd gotten used to dealing with an audience when she had to. She just hoped she's be able to get through the eulogy without crying at this point. 

_________________________________________________________________________________

Kieran came back to the bishop's office to collect her and lead back to the cathedral for the service. All the pews were filled with people she assumed were Twitch's business associates. It was a motley crowd indeed. Kieran showed her to her reserved seat in the front pew and everyone settled once the bishop entered. 

The bishop talked about Twitch very respectfully. He'd worked with the church to create programs to feed and house the homeless and he was an active participant, not someone who just wrote the checks and benefitted from the tax breaks. The bishop had asked Twitch to actually join the church many times, but he refused every time. He told the bishop that he wanted to be judged on his deeds, not some religious label that didn't really mean anything. The bishop shared that he often spoke of Twitch as an example to the church's congregation of a true Christian, not in name but spirit. The bishop knew of the nature of his business, but Twitch kept his business separate from his involvement with the church. He was initially was skeptical of Twitch's intentions, but once he spoke with him, he could see that Twitch had so much good in his heart that it would be a mistake to turn down his effort and his assistance. After he thanked the guests, he asked Natalie to come up and give the eulogy.

Natalie made her way to the pulpit and took a moment to collect herself. "Thank you, Bishop Stark for allowing us to say goodbye to my friend today. I'm Natalie Solo and thanks to all of you for coming to help me with that goodbye. Twitch made all the arrangements for this day down to the last detail. He wanted today to be a celebration of his life. I think the easiest way to celebrate him would be to talk about our experiences with him. He was my oldest friend. We trained to become physician assistants together and you all might be surprised to know that he didn't always wear diamond studs in his ears or have that signature periwinkle blue hair. Individuality was frowned upon in that environment because the focus was on the patients. Unfortunately, some of us in healthcare seem to lose our focus as we progress because it can be a difficult job or sometimes we just turn into assholes when we start making the big bucks!" 

The crowd laughed and it helped Natalie relax a little more. "I was lucky enough to be paired with Twitch for our emergency room training and the doctor who was our preceptor was brilliant. We were in awe of him until one night during winter. A young girl who was obviously homeless came in with some vague symptoms that were gonna require a huge workup. The doctor, Twitch, and I knew that the girl was basically playing us to have a warm place to sleep for the night. The doctor had Twitch and me leave the exam room to figure out what type of workup the girl would need that would line up with her symptoms. We were both great students so we finished the task in no time. We came back to the room to overhear the doctor talking to the girl, saying he knew she was faking her symptoms so she could con us into staying warm in the ER. She was wasting taxpayer dollars and our valuable time so she should just find somewhere else to go. Both Twitch and I were pissed. I just chalked it up to the doctor being jaded and I planned on continuing the rotation with a mental notation to downgrade his rating on the final evaluation. Twitch was incensed, but he was never one to fly off the handle. After the girl left the ER and we presented to the doctor, Twitch went and found the girl to give her some money for a hotel room and food. This doctor lived on coffee so on breaks he'd send us to get him some. On our break that night, we got the doctor his coffee and Twitch decided to add a little something extra to the doctor's pick me up. So every night of the rest of that rotation, Twitch made sure to drink plenty of fluids so he could top off that jackass' coffee. And let me tell you, that doctor loved Twitch's brew so much that he raved to his other doctor friends that his intern was responsible for keeping his motor running all night." The audience laughed and so did Natalie. 

"I've got tons of stories, but I've talked long enough. I'd really like any of you that are willing to come up to share so we can all celebrate Twitch's life." As Natalie took her seat in the front pew, a man got up from his seat and proceeded to tell his Twitch story. 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was really late. The bishop had prepared for that due to the lateness of the ceremony. His assistant was available to lock up the church once everyone had filed out. Natalie was in the bishop's office changing into her casual clothes and removing the makeup from her face. There was a knock on the door. 

"Can I come in?"

It was Neal. She walked over to the door and opened it. "Thanks for coming, Neal."

"You looked beautiful.," he said as she closed the door behind him. 

"I looked like a rodeo clown dressed to go out for a Friday night with the girls!," she laughed.

"Myers picked the outfit and had his team make you up?," Neal laughed.

"Of course. Twitch was always good with details.," she lamented.

"Come home with me?," he asked as he stroked her cheek. 

She shouldn't do this again, but she figured she's already done it once so it didn't really matter. 

"I have some business to take care of, so I can't right now. Don't you have patients to take care of in the morning?"

"It's the weekend. I followed up on all my cases this morning and I have residents for anything I need. I have the weekend available to take care of you.," he said as he moved closer to stroke her hip and hover over her lips.

There was another knock at the door. It was Kieran and he came in after he knocked. He saw the closeness between Natalie and Neal. "I'm sorry to interrupt, Natalie. I have the ashes and the other item you requested. The driver is ready to take you home and I'd be happy to escort you out to the car. Dr. Pearce, isn't it? I'm sure Twitch appreciates you coming, but I'm sure I can take care of anything else she needs. The bishop's assistant is waiting to lock up. I'd be happy to show you the way out. "

Neal took the hint. "Call me no matter how late it is, ok?," he said before he left the church. 

"Thank you for bringing what I asked for ."

"I know we're all adults here, but---"

"Don't. I know it's tempting for you to want to take Twitch's role in my life right now. This is….just something I have to work out for myself. I don't need a lecture. I just need….what I need right now. Ok?"

"Ok. If you're done, I'll walk you out to the car."

"Thank you."

______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

When the driver dropped her off at home, she put her clothes away and immediately folded to that Tahitian beach from Twitch's thoughts. Once there, she sat there with his ashes, a bottle of his favorite whiskey, and a glass. She opened the alcohol and poured herself a glass then she poured some out for Twitch. She downed the glass she had poured and then poured herself another only to down that one just as quickly. Twitch spared no expense and he had great taste. She needed to handle this before she got too drunk. Natalie left the whiskey bottle and the glass on the beach and she moved toward the water with the ashes.

"I know this is really corny, but it seems appropriate.," she said to Twitch as if he could still hear her.

It's been a long day without you, my friend  
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again  
We've come a long way from where we began  
Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again  
When I see you again

She finished singing and tears were streaming down her face. She took the top off the urn and flung the ashes toward the warm Tahitian wind. She backed up toward the beach so she wouldn't get caught up in the swirl. She sat down on the beach and poured herself another glass to drink as she watched the wind and water carry the rest of Twitch away.  
After she finished off the whiskey, she folded back to her home. She was well on her way to being drunk. It was so late, but she couldn't help herself. She didn't want to be alone so she texted Neal to come and get her if he was still awake. He responded quickly to say that he'd be there in 10 minutes. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

 

She woke up yet again in Neal's bed hung-over. She quickly got dressed and left to go home. Once home, she drunk some water and went to the bathroom to shower. She called Kieran to let him know that she would be unreachable for at least a few days even though she knew there was a possibility she would not be coming back. She needed to see the kids, Leia, and Luke before she went after Snoke. She gathered a few things and folded to Luke's home.

Leia was up early fixing breakfast when Natalie arrived. She seemed as if she had expected Natalie at that moment. "How are you, dear?"

"I feel like shit if I'm being honest, Leia. How are you and the kids?"

"We're good. Luke and Rey are enjoying having students to teach. Lexi and Xander have calmed down noticeably even though it's only been a few days. Bella is coming out of her shell a bit. Bridge and Dec are just as adorable as they were before. I've love being with my brother again, but I miss Ben."

"I miss him too."

"Do you?"

"Of course, I do! Why would you think otherwise? I'm here to try to get him back if that's even possible!"

"I sense a lot of conflict in you, Natalie. Force knows I don't blame you. I know what you've been through with Snoke, almost losing Bella, and losing Twitch at Ben's hand. Tell me, how is Dr. Pearce?"

Natalie could feel her anger rising so much that it felt thick in the air. "How dare you fucking judge me?"

"You're angry. Good. Use it to defeat Snoke for good and get you and Ben back to us, ok?"

"Is this you questioning my loyalty?"

"No. I know the stakes. I know it's likely that Ben is gone, but this family can't afford to lose both of you. Me and Luke are much to old to be raising 5 young children.," she said as she grabbed Natalie's hand to hold it.

"I love Ben, so much. Twitch's death, seeing Ben with his blood covered hands around Bella's throat…it brought me so low. Yes, I took comfort in Neal for a few days, but I see him as nothing more than a friend and I told him so. It shouldn't have happened, but I'm not sorry that it did. "

"You don't need to explain yourself to me. Snoke wants you as weak as you can be before you face him. You know this. Ben needs you to be as strong as you can to bring him back, to bring you back. We can deal with the rest later."

"Mama?"

Both Leia and Natalie turned to find Bella wiping sleep from her eyes. "Hi, Bella. Did I wake you?'

Bella shook her head as she crawled into her mother's lap to greet her. She wrapped her arms around her mother's neck and Natalie immediately felt better. "Miss you, mama."

"I missed you too, baby.," Natalie held her for a minute then sat her on her lap to talk with her. 

"You having fun training with Lexi and Xander?" Bella nodded her head yes.

"Mommy's back!," Xander said as he and Lexi came out from their room. 

"Shhh! Don't wake up the whole house, Xander! I missed you guys so much!" She was at the kitchen table clutching 3 of her kids and it felt good. Leia watched with some tears in her eyes and Natalie could tell that she wondered if this would be one of the last times she could see it happen. Right on cue, Declan started crying followed by Bridget.

"Ok guys, help Grandma Leia with breakfast while I check on your brother and sister, ok?"

It seemed like ages since she had held her newest set of twins so she could soothe them, feed them, and change them. She looked at Declan, studied him. She could see the beginnings of Ben's nose and ears on him and it made her smile even in her sadness over her husband. 

"It's good to see you again, Natalie.," Luke said from the hallway.

"Good to see you too, Luke. I'll be leaving to take care of Snoke tonight."

"Ok, well the children have training soon so we better get to breakfast."

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

She had tucked each one of her children in bed after making sure they were well fed and clean. Lexi, Xander, and Bella fell asleep easily after their day of training with Luke and Rey. Bridge and Dec were a bit more restless, but they eventually went to sleep in comfort. Natalie hugged Leia tightly before she went to bed. "Come home safe, no matter what, ok?"

"I promise I'll try, Leia."

Luke waited for her in the kitchen. "You sure you don't need mine or Rey's help on this?"

"I need to do this alone, Luke. You know my reasons. There is one thing I need from you though if you think you can spare it.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Natalie folded to Ben's ship to meditate for a while before opening up their bond. She'd kept it closed since she pushed Ben into the portal that day for fear that Snoke would try to use their bond against her. Once it was opened, Snoke called to her immediately.

"The bond will show you where to find me. Don't keep me waiting any longer!"

She immediately knew where he was. Ben was still there, but he was fading fast. She needed to hurry. 

She folded to the abandoned Resistance base on D'Qar. Snoke was in the first set of quarters they had been given there. As she walked there, she sensed that they weren't alone. She opened the door to the quarters and she was immediately hit with Force lightning. Her muscles contracted and the pain eventually brought her to the floor. Snoke hit her with another pulse of lightning for good measure before he moved into her view, the monster wearing her husband as clothing. "Now we're finally together again, my dear.," he said before Natalie passed out, now vulnerable to his will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to Charlie Puth for the lyrics of the song See you again. If you are still following this, please prepare for the next chapter to be triggering to some, but follow the tags PLEASE!!


	16. The One Who May Need To Kill Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snoke seems to have the upper hand. Natalie seems to consider Snoke's offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has the potential to be very triggering for some. If you are a regular reader, I'd rather you skip this chapter if you think you are in danger of being triggered. Please pay attention to the updated tags!!

She felt a familiar hand running through her hair moving it away from her face as she started to slowly come around. That same hand caressed her face and she moved into the warmth of the touch as her eyes fluttered. Her husband's soft lips pressed against hers and suddenly her nostrils were flooded with the stench of Snoke. She bit her husband's lip hard enough to draw blood and she heard Snoke growl as he pulled away from her. Natalie spat the blood from the bite into his face.

"You fucking bitch!," Snoke screamed in Ben's voice as he backhanded Natalie to the face, causing her ears to ring for a moment. She tasted her own blood in her mouth now. "Why did you bring me here? Why am I still alive, Snoke?"

"I don't want to kill you anymore. You're too valuable to me now."

"Valuable in what way?"

"Abeloth's bloodline mixed with the Skywalker bloodline produced a wonder such as I've never seen in all my time. With practice and study, it can be recreated."

"You want to use me as a broodmare!"

"Oh, come now. This doesn't have to be painful. This body craves you and you crave it. You've had 5 of Kylo's---"

"Ben! His name is Ben!!"

"It doesn't matter what his name was!! He is gone now!"

"He's not gone! I can still feel him through our bond!"

"My former apprentice is serving the purpose he was meant to. Once the process gets to this point, the person I take over ceases to exist. For all intents and purposes, he is gone forever. I'm left with his memories and feelings to integrate into my personality as I see fit."

"Why did you have to kill Twitch?," Natalie said with tears in her eyes.

"It's as I told you before. You need to learn that sometimes people exist for us only as what we need them for. That man was only a weakness for you. With your power, weakness should not even be a consideration for you. There's so much I can teach you if you let me.," Snoke said as he got close to stroke her face again. 

"What about my children?"

"They have nothing to fear from me. I can train them and they can rule alongside us."

"What about Luke, Leia, and Rey?"

"If you insist, we can keep them alive but they cannot be allowed to roam unchecked. They've already proven themselves to be nuisances. Now, I think I've been more than fair. Do we have a deal, Mrs. Solo?," Snoke smirked using Ben's memories against her.

"Ben, I need you please!," she pleaded through their bond.

"I told you he is gone!," Snoke said as he grabbed Natalie's neck with Ben's hand eliciting a grimace from her. "It would behoove you to forget your attachment to him. Believe me, I have all the best parts of him. You won't miss his whining about his childhood or his impetuousness."

"Are you asking me to love you?," she said as struggled against his hold on her neck.

"Would it be so bad, Natalie?"

"You're not capable of loving anything but yourself, Snoke!"

"Your husband's memories and feelings are a part of me now. Anything is possible. Give it a chance."

"Ben would never hurt me the way you have."

"I need to be with you! Before I joined with him, I had not been with a woman in years. Since we joined, I've thought of nothing else. I tried to be patient, but I visited a few brothels while I was waiting for you. Don't worry, my darling. I made sure to use protection so I would not waste my seed. I saved it for you!," Snoke said as Natalie became horrified by his words. 

"Get away from me! I'd never sleep with you willingly, Snoke! You disgust me!"

Snoke hit Natalie so hard in her side that she lost all her air. " I tried being nice, Natalie! I'm tired of waiting! You think I don't know that you like it rough sometimes!" He ripped her shirt and bit her left upper chest until she bled. She screamed and cried and struggled against him. Snoke lapped at the blood from the wound he caused and held her down while he moved up to bury Ben's nose in her neck. "You smell so good, baby.," Snoke said echoing Ben's speech pattern.

Natalie whimpered and tears fell from her eyes. "Nat, don't cry.," Snoke said softly right next to her ear as he slowly ran Ben's finger down her facial scar. "I just want to make you happy. We can be happy. I need you so much that it hurts. Please let me in. Please, Nat!" He kissed her and for a moment, it was just like she was kissing her husband. But it wasn't Ben, it was Snoke. Snoke tried to kill her, kidnapped her children, tortured her, snatched Ben's body, and most recently was trying to rape her. She could never love him let alone partner with him to rule the galaxy. Snoke pulled away from Natalie's lips and moved to run a line of kisses down Natalie's neck and chest while he tried to undress her. As Ben's hand ran over her chest, Natalie dug her nails into her husband's face drawing blood and she tried to kick him off of her.

Snoke slammed Ben's fist into Natalie's nose eliciting a crunch and blood poured from her nostrils. She fell to the floor in a heap and she weakly tried to get up to get away. Ben's hand grabbed Natalie by her hair and pulled her up to slam her up against the wall. Snoke ground her husband's still clothed dick into her ass. "You're trying my patience!! If you want to be treated like a whore, I'll treat you like one!" When Snoke backed aware from her slightly, Natalie slid down the wall and he picked her up before she hit the floor. He carried her to lay her down on the bed. Snoke left her alone there for a few moments to find a towel. 

Natalie seemed resigned to her fate. She curled in on herself at the side of the bed where Snoke found her on his return. Tears continued to stream down as Ben's hand held a cool cloth to her face. She wished she could relax into Snoke's attempt at comfort. "Nat, I can feel your pain through the bond. It's going to be hard for you to believe, but I never wanted to hurt you at all. I always sensed there was something special about you even before I met you. I knew Ben had a light calling to him and that if I possessed him, I could make that light my own. When he left his training to be with you, I could sense the change in him. At the time, I thought it was going to ruin my plans. I've since understood that our destinies are intertwined.," Snoke monologued as he cleaned Natalie's face and she stared into space. He accidently bumped her broken nose causing her some pain and a small amount of increased bleeding. 

"We're going to need some medical attention. I can get you back to my ship and have my doctors patch us up. Then we can go pick up the children. Strangely enough, I miss them. After you heal, we can go to Cantobight to vacation. I've never had a vacation. I think the kids would love it. We can get a nanny for the children so we can spend some time together. I think it would be glorious." Natalie continued to stare into space as Snoke planned their lives together. 

"Nat, look at me, please?"

She turned her eyes to the man wearing her husband's face. She sat up to sit in front of Snoke where he was kneeling next to the bed. She looked into his eyes and slowly ran her left thumb down Ben's scar eliciting a deep moan from him. She softly pressed her lips to Ben's while continuing to stroke his scar. She coaxed his mouth open and their tongues slid across each other. She moved her hand from his scar to the nape of his neck to caress his hair and deepen their kiss. They kissed for a few moments before they pulled away to hover near each other's lips and rest against each other's foreheads. They were both heavily breathing each other's air, but her tears still flowed. "I'm sorry, Ben.," she said into their bond.

"What?," Snoke said still in a haze from their kiss before he heard that signature sound of a light saber igniting as Ben's right upper chest was run through by a green plasma beam. Snoke fell to the ground coughing up blood and Ben's body was shaking with laughter as Natalie stood over him with Luke's light saber still in hand.

"You think you've won, but you haven't! I cannot be defeated! You will never win! When I return, you're going to wish for my mercy!" Snoke used his last breaths to taunt her before closing his eyes. 

Natalie could feel Snoke's essence leaving Ben's body. She closed her eyes for a moment and pushed out with the Force. She knew they weren't alone when she had initially gotten there. She keyed in on the other person who turned out to be Janek Sondi, Snoke's agent who had helped him escape from Hux's black site prison. She patiently waited for Snoke's essence to invade Sondi's body before she folded to where he was hiding on the planet. When they were face to face, Snoke pleaded with her. "He is an innocent, Natalie. Still a child really. He doesn't deserve this."

Natalie ignited the light saber and ran Sondi's chest through. He fell to the ground. Snoke was dying again and she couldn' resist a final taunt so she sidled up next to his ear to speak. "If there's one thing you taught me, no one is innocent." She used Luke's light saber to decapitate the body for good measure. Snoke was gone for good now. She folded back to her and Ben's quarters. She looked at Ben's body and the tears flowed. She sat on the floor next to him. His body was still warm. She grabbed his limp hand and kissed it. She checked his pulse for a few moments, hoping against hope. She swore she could feel the faintest flutter so she moved up to check his carotid pulse when she saw a puff of air escape his lips that moved his hair slightly. Ben was alive, barely!! 

She needed to hurry. She used the Force to lift him up and she folded them to the new government complex. The staff was understandable surprised to see her and Ben. "We need a doctor, right away!," she yelled to incite them to action. Medics came to take Ben to the med bay. She followed behind them slowly. Hux had been alerted to the scene and came up to her. "Natalie, what happened?"

"I killed him! I killed Snoke!," she said confidently while she continued to walk unsteadily with blood pouring from her face.

"We need to get you to the med bay, ok?"

"Ok, ok.," she said as she passed out in Hux's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The way I wrote for Snoke may have been a little confusing, but he literally has two personalities warring inside of him even though he feels he has complete control. It may be equally confusing for Natalie as well because she is aware of the war and she wants to simultaneously kill Snoke and save Ben.


	17. The One Everyone Is Worried For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalie neglects herself and everyone is concerned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay. It has been quite a rough time for me. I've still suffered from depression and work issues, gained some weight, had a ton of medical appointments, had a birthday, my father died last month, and one of my sisters in law died this month. Such is life and it is a struggle, but having this fic as an outlet has helped me quite a bit. Thank you for continuing to follow if you're still with me!!

"You'll never be safe from me. I cannot be defeated. I always find a way to outsmart you. You'll always be looking over your shoulder. You'll never be free of me, Nat."

Natalie jerked awake from her nightmare of Snoke's threats through Ben's whispering voice.

"Take it easy. You'll burst your incisions.," Poe said.

She felt like dogshit. "What incisions?," she said before she thought to look at her bruised abdomen.

"They had to remove your spleen due to internal bleeding. You had 5 broken ribs too. The surgeon said you almost died."

"Again? That's just par for the course for me, Poe."

Poe had to laugh until he saw her trying to get out of bed. "Hey, hey! You need to stay in bed, Natalie! Where do you think you're going?"

"I want to see Ben! Can you get me to him?"

"Look, you have been out for two days! Ben's still out, but he's stable. You going to see him is not going to change anything."

"I just need to lay eyes on him. Please, Poe. I just want to see him and then I'll come right back to this bed to rest. I promise."

"Yea, yea. I know about you and your promises. Luckily for you, I was prepared for this.," Poe said before he gestured to the wheelchair. "If you're ready to go, your chariot awaits."

Natalie gingerly moved to the edge of the bed and Poe carefully moved her from the bed to the wheelchair. He wheeled her to what she knew to be the intensive care unit. They had Ben in a bacta suit, but he was also intubated to protect his airway. "I'll give you some time with him and I'll see if I can find the doctor for you."

"Thank you."

Ben looked like death. It was a miracle of the Force that he was still alive. She'd done her best to give him a chance at survival by aiming for his right upper chest avoiding his heart and a huge amount of his lungs. The left side of his face was covered with bacta gel due to the scratch she'd marred him with while trying to escape Snoke. Their bond was open, free of Snoke's influence. Ben was being kept asleep while he was healing so there was no communication possible between them right now. She wished she could touch him, but that wasn't even possible right now. 

Poe returned with the doctor after a few minutes. "Mrs. Solo, I'm Dr. Wooden. I'd been told to expect you. I assume I don't need to remind you that you really should be resting due to your own medical issues."

"Dr. Wooden, please tell me about what's happening with my husband," she said while continuing to look on at Ben and ignoring the concerns the doctor had about her health. 

The doctor tried not to show her annoyance at being ignored. "The right upper lobe of his lung was totally destroyed by the plasma injury so we had to do a transplant using cloned tissue. We were able to salvage the surrounding skin, bone, and muscles, but they were treated with bacta and cloned cells to speed up the healing process. We plan to keep him under for another 2 days before attempting to extubate him with your presence, of course. If the extubation fails, we will put him back under for another 2 days. I expect the first extubation attempt to be successful given his rate of recovery to this point. After that, he'll undergo intensive physical and pulmonary rehabilitation. Given your husband's age and prior level of health, I expect he'll make a full recovery."

"I appreciate your information and your indulgence, doctor."

"Not a problem. I know you're aware that as a person who is also in the medical field, we make the absolute worst patients. That said, get back to bed, Mrs. Solo!"

Natalie had to laugh carefully due to her own injuries. "I will and thank you, Dr. Wooden.," she said as she shook her hand. Poe rolled her back to her room and helped her back in bed. 

"Luke, Leia, Rey, and the kids will be here tomorrow. We've been keeping them updated."

"Thank you, Poe. How's Hux?"

"He's fine. We may actually make it to the altar this year. Of course, you're all invited. Look, if you need to talk--"

"About what?"

"I don't pretend to know about all this Force business. Ben was impaled by a light saber, you had a light saber in your possession. Ben's face had been scratched, you had his skin under your nails. Ben's knuckles were bruised and bloody, you had clearly been beaten up. Whatever happened, I know you're going to need a friend to talk to. I'm here if you need me."

"I….uh." Tears came to her eyes as she thought about the whole ordeal with Snoke and Ben. Poe reached out to hold her hand and he gave her a tissue to dry her tears. "Thank you. I'm really tired and I'm gonna try to get some rest. Will you sit with me until I fall asleep?"

"Sure. Anything you need." 

Natalie laid down in her bed and closed her eyes, falling asleep in minutes.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Natalie woke up the next morning nauseous and extremely thirsty. She still felt horrible and her abdomen was sore, but the kids were coming today and she didn't want to disappoint them. She was able to shower herself avoiding her incisions. She hoped to be discharged soon so she could focus on taking care of Ben. The doctor came by to examine her. Dr. Kant, who did her surgery, was concerned about the amount of soreness at her incisions she was still having as well as some low grade temperatures that had been recorded. "I admit I probably have overdone it a little and I have hot flashes so that could account for the low grade temperatures."

She conveniently left out the other symptoms she was having because she didn't want to make the doctor feel like some huge workup was necessary when it was probably related to the anesthesia. She'd be ok with a little more rest. Nothing to worry about. 

"I want to keep you for a few more days before I discharge you just to make sure things are ok."

"I understand. Thank you, Dr. Kant."

It was gonna be a few hours before the kids came so she decided to take a nap. She'd stopped taking the pain meds cause they made the nausea worse. She was tough and she'd been through worse so she thought she could handle it. She drank a few cups of water and fell asleep.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

 

"All I ever did was love you, Nat. How could you hurt me?"

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I killed Snoke! He's gone forever, baby. We don't have to worry about him anymore."

"You killed me! I loved you and you killed me!"

"Ben, you're not dead! Snoke is!"

"We're one and the same! You can't kill Snoke without killing me! You killed that boy! He was innocent! You're a murderer!"

"I did what I had to do to save you! Ben? Ben?"

"Then you learned the greatest lesson that I could have taught you, Natalie! Something that you'll never forget! You'll never be rid of me and your precious Ben will discover what a whore you are! You'll lose the thing you sacrificed nearly everything for and I will have won!"

"No!," Natalie screamed as she awoke from her nightmare. She was covered in sweat and her abdomen ached. There was a knock on her hospital door. "Natalie, it's Rey. Leia sent me to see if you were ready to see the kids yet." Rey took a look at Natalie's woeful state. "Are you alright? You look awful! Should I get the doctor?"

"No! I was asleep and I had a nightmare about Snoke."

"Oh. If you need more rest--."

"I want to see my kids. I just need a few minutes to get myself together. I'll be right back."

Rey took a seat while Natalie was getting ready in the refresher. Natalie took a quick shower, got redressed, and put her wet hair into a messy bun. She was a little shaky. She hadn't eaten a good meal in the last 24 hours due to nausea. She'd eat a little with the kids so she could take some pain meds and get a good night's sleep. She needed to be better so she could take care of Ben tomorrow. She made her way out of the refresher and Rey stood when she entered the room. "Can we talk?," Rey said.

"Of course."

"I know you're anxious to see the kids, but I think you should wait."

"Why would I do that?"

"Xander, Lexi, and Bella have only been with me and Luke for a short time, but they have benefitted greatly from the training--"

"I'm grateful to both you and Luke for all that you've done for them. What does that have to do with me seeing them now?"

"Your energy in the Force is very strange right now. Your mind is usually closed to me, but now…..I don't think it would be good for them to see you like this. If you were thinking clearly, you'd agree."

Natalie had to smile. "Rey, would you consider us friends?"

"Yes, I would. A friend who cares for you and your family."

"A friend would know that there's nothing that could keep me from my family even a "friendly" warning. Tell you what. Feel free to monitor me with them if you're so worried. We're going to see them now. "

Rey was hesitant, but she could see this devolving into a fight that didn't need to happen. "All right, but I think you should let the doctors check you out thoroughly after. I'm legitimately worried for your safety, Natalie."

"Fine, whatever, Rey. Let's go and I will let the doctors run their tests later, ok?"

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Rey reluctantly brought Natalie to see the kids, Luke, and Leia. Xander, Lexi, and Bella ran to her when they saw her enter the room. They were all a bit aggressive when they hugged her causing her to wince in pain. 

"Be careful with your mother, kids. She's injured.," Luke said. 

"You saved Daddy, Mommy!," Xander said.

"We knew you could do it, Mommy!," Lexi said.

"He's still got a long way to go, guys. It's gonna be awhile before he can come home with us. Listen, I'm starved! Why don't we all go get some food. I'll grab Bridge and Dec and then I'll meet everyone down at the restaurant."

"Natalie, are you sure you're up to this?," Leia said.

"I'm fine. I just need a minute and I'll bring the babies with me to the dining room." Luke and Leia gathered Xander, Lexi, and Bella to head down to eat and Rey lagged behind to keep an eye on Natalie.

"Natalie, you don't have to do this alone."

"I know. You can take Bridge and I'll take Dec."

"I can feel you're in a lot of pain, not just physically. We can talk if you want. I've been told I'm a good listener."

"Look, Rey. I just want to relax for a little while and have a meal with my family. I really need some rest, some pain meds, and I'll let the doctors check me out again, but that can wait until later. I appreciate that you really want to help and we can talk at another time. "

Rey nodded her head grudgingly as she picked up Declan and led Natalie with Bridget in her arms out of the room to meet everyone for dinner. 

_________________________________________________________________________________________

Natalie tolerated unrelenting nausea and Rey's silent judgment during the whole dinner. She was so uncomfortable that she was unable to enjoy the time with the kids and it was punctuated with the kids squeezing her tightly as they hugged her goodnight causing her incredible pain. Natalie kissed all of her children while they were in their beds and cribs before she turned to leave them with Leia for the night. 

When she returned to her hospital room, Natalie made a beeline for the refresher to vomit. Her abdomen hurt even more after throwing up. Even she had to admit that there was something wrong and that she should report her symptoms to the doctors, but she needs to be there for Ben. When Ben wakes up and he's ok, she can get more rest. She thought to herself that they can convalesce together as she sat in the refresher to gather herself, hoping her stomach was done rebelling against her. 

"I can't ever be with you again, Nat! You tried to kill me!" Ben's voice reverberated in Natalie's head as beads of sweat started to form on her brow.

"Baby, I promise you. I was trying to kill Snoke! I gave you a chance to live! I love you!," she said to the empty bathroom.

"I am Snoke and I am Ben. We are one in the same now!"

"No!," she again yelled to an empty room. She was going crazy! She's totally alone and talking to herself. Her nausea has calmed so she went back to her bed. She drank the ice water that was at her bedside and notified the nurse she was back in her room so they could take her vital signs then give her something for pain and nausea. The nurse entered her room and gave her the medication. 

"Your temperature, blood pressure and heart rate are elevated, Mrs. Solo."

"I just threw up and I'm in a lot of pain. I should be ok once I get a little rest. "

"Just be ready for a round of bloodwork and tests in the morning. The doctor will be coming in later to review the results with you. Goodnight, Mrs. Solo."

"Thank you, goodnight." She knew she should tell her that she might be hallucinating, but she figured it was just stress from all the recent issues she had been dealing with. Natalie drank a little more water and relaxed to fall into a tentative sleep.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

 

She'd tossed and turned all night and then she was awakened in the morning by the lab tech drawing her blood. She stayed awake to try to eat some breakfast so she could have food on her stomach that would help her tolerate medications. She felt more than slightly better than she did last night, but she could soldier through it to see Ben wake up today. The doctor had ordered a scan of her abdomen that would be done soon. After that, she'd come back to the room, get dressed, and meet with Ben's doctor so they could bring him out of his medically induced coma. 

 

Natalie pulled herself after her belly scan. The doctor had not come by yet and the nurse told her he'd be by after he reviewed the results. As she walked to Ben's room, she could feel that Luke and Leia were already there. Both Luke and Leia observed her entering the room and they both had worried looks on their faces. 

"Please don't be offended, Natalie, but you look awful. You clearly need more rest!," Luke opined.

"Dear, I think Ben would understand if you weren't here for this.," Leia said.

Natalie felt so badly that she was not in the mood for their sentiment and she was going to respond when Dr. Wooden and the nurse walked in.

"Mrs. Solo, Ms. Organa, and Mr. Skywalker, I'm ready to attempt to awaken Mr. Solo. According to his tests, this should be fairly routine. Of course, if we have any difficulty, I'll continue to keep him under for another 2 days before we try again. So, we'll get started."

With the nurse's assistance, Dr. Wooden slowly titrated the sedative and anesthetic down. After a few moments, Ben slowly opened his eyes and he immediately looked to Natalie's direction. 

"Mr. Solo, I'm Dr. Wooden. I'm going to remove the tube from your throat, but I need you to cough please until it is fully out. Can you nod if you understand me?" Ben nodded as he was asked to. "If you could start now please, then I will slowly remove the tube." Ben followed the doctor's instructions and he continued to cough once the tube was removed to clear his airway while the nurse cleaned the mucus from his mouth and face. "Your throat will be uncomfortable for a little while so I don't want you eating or drinking anything more than ice chips until we can test your swallowing function. It will also be uncomfortable for you to talk so don't force it. Now, I'm sure your family is anxious to spend some time with you so I'll be back later. The nurse will show you how to manage your pain and alert the staff if you should need anything. We'll look to take you out of the bacta suit tomorrow. Good day." 

When the doctor and nurse were gone, Natalie moved closer to Ben while Luke and Leia observed. 

"How are you?," she projected to him while she carefully ran her hand through his hair. 

"I'm think I'm gonna be fine. Why are you here?," he projected back.

"Why wouldn't I be here? Where else would I be?"

"Nat, you need to be worried about yourself! You should have let me die!!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not only did some of the issues I mentioned earlier result in me taking more time with this chapter, but I really wanted to, for some reason, try to incorporate Rey more into the fic. I have to say that as time passes on, I really feel like Rian to a greater extent and JJ to a lesser extent did Rey's character a disservice in development and narratively. I wanted there to be more tension between her and Natalie in this chapter, but it was so difficult to create it because I really am not interested in her at all which is a shame. This may speak to some disenchantment I am having with the franchise right now. That is probably enough of a rant on my part. Feel free to comment if you want to discuss. I'm not averse to disagreement. Almost any interaction with you guys would be great at this point!!


	18. The Ones Who Blame Themselves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalie and Ben are reunited briefly before fate separates them again. Natalie's delirium is worsening and everyone is worried. Ben's convalescence is interrupted by Natalie's ordeal and he learns a hard truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to make the chapter longer, but I could resist a bit of a cliffhanger!

"What the fuck are you talking about? How the fuck can you say that to me after everything I been through?," Natalie yelled into Ben's mind while she felt her face start to flush and sweat.

"Because I was there! I know what I…. I know what Snoke tried to do to you!," he projected back. 

"Snoke is dead!!"

"What if he's not? What if he's just hiding out again?"

"Shut up! Just shut up!! Why can't you just be grateful that you're still alive and that we are together?," she said as a wave of nausea was starting to hit her.

"You and the kids are not safe with me!! You need to stay away from me! This was all my fault! I knew Snoke was taking me over and I thought I could handle it, but I couldn't!"

"It wasn't your fault, Ben! It was mine! Everything was my fault! Everything is my fault!," she said not realizing that she was now talking out loud so that Luke, Leia, and Ben could hear her. Feeling as though she was suffocating from her increasing temperature and suffering from intense abdominal pain, she left the room without a word to anyone. 

"Luke, we should go after her!," Leia said.

"Why so concerned now, mother?," Ben said out loud with a very scratchy voice.

"You're supposed to be resting your voice, Ben!," said Luke.

"How could either of you think it was a good idea to send my wife after Snoke to save me?"

"Ben, you know Natalie better than anyone! You know there was no way we were going to be able to stop her from doing what she thought was necessary!," Leia offered.

"Did you even try? We have 5 kids to raise!! Snoke almost killed her by using me to do it!"

"I suppose I could have tried harder to convince her, Ben. I just didn't want to lose you again to Snoke and I knew Natalie was the best person to face him.," Leia admitted.

"Natalie wanted Rey and I to train the children and she wanted Leia to watch over them if she didn't come back, Ben. I believed that the Force was with her and that she was ready to confront Snoke on her own. It appears I was right."

"You may have been right, Uncle, but look at what it cost her! She didn't need to be… she shouldn't be here for me now! I failed to protect her! Snoke tried to rape her while I was basically standing in the corner and watching…. I need to leave now! You'll all be safer away from me!," Ben said before he tried to remove his bacta suit.

"Son, you need to heal up before you think about going anywhere!"

"Ben, just let the doctors take care of you and then we can figure this out!"

"What the fuck is wrong with you two? Didn't you see how sick she was? You need to find Nat and take care of her!," Ben yelled as alarms were blaring and he was almost out of the bacta suit.

"Luke, please do something! He's going to hurt himself even more!"

Luke raised his hand to Ben's temple and Ben lost consciousness. The nurse and doctor re-entered the room in response to the alarms and reapplied Ben's bacta suit. "What happened?," Dr. Wooden said.

"He was very upset about his wife's condition. Don't worry. He'll sleep for a while now. Thank you doctor.," Luke said.

"I took the liberty of calling Dr. Kant regarding Mrs. Solo. He will soon be reviewing her test results and will see her later. It seems we may need to consider placing them in the same room to decrease our problems. Good day again.," Dr. Wooden said before she and the nurse left the room. 

"Is he right? Did we make a mistake by letting Natalie handle Snoke alone?"

"Well they both came back to us, just maybe not as well as they were before. It will take some time for them to get over this. Then again, they may never get over it. I think we have to trust in the Force that things will be alright."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

The warm Tahitian breeze was oddly soothing in the face of her feverishness. Why had she come here again?

"Hey darling! Back so soon?"

His voice was music to her ears and his Periwinkle blue hair, handsome face, and his stylishly dressed body was a sight for sore eyes . "Twitch? I missed you so much! What are you doing here?"

"Baby doll, I'm not here. I'm a figment of your imagination! You're so sick that your delirious mind has made you think I'm here talking to you! I haven't been dead that long, but things must have really gone south for us to end up meeting like this, love."

"It's my fault that you're dead! Aren't you upset about that?"

"Well I'm dead so I can't be upset about anything anymore, but I seem to recall that it was your loving husband who stabbed me in my gut!"

"It was Snoke that did that! He just used Ben's hand to do it so he could hurt me! You were just an innocent victim in our war!"

"After what you guys shared with me, I was floored. I never imagined that I'd be pulled into any of that craziness. I could tell when Ben came to see me that it wasn't him. I don't blame you or him for what happened to me."

"You should blame me! You should!," Sweat was starting to pour down her face and her abdominal pain was flaring.

"Darling, you need medical attention! Go back to the hospital and get well. Baby, your family is worried about you. You need to take care of yourself now! I can't do the job anymore."

"Please don't leave me, Twitch! I need you!"

"Listen, love. I'll never leave you. I'll always be here when you need me, but you have to take care of yourself. My nieces and nephews need you, not to mention that husband of yours. Go home or else we'll be having this conversation while we're together in the ether!," Twitch said to her as she felt his hand on her sweaty and tear filled face. 

She felt like she didn't know where her home was anymore. Snoke was taking everything away from her. 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Luke sat with Ben while he was resting. Leia went back to check on the kids. Ben was right that they probably should have thought more about sending Natalie off alone to handle Snoke, but in the end, there was not a better choice. The children needed protection and they were the priority in everyone's mind. While Luke was ruminating over their situation, Dr. Kant burst in the room. 

"Doctor, can I help you?"

"Master Skywalker, do you know where Mrs. Solo is right now?"

"She's not in her hospital bed?"

"No sir. I must find her right away. She is extremely sick and needs surgery!"

"I will look for her, Doctor. What kind of timeframe are we talking about before she needs treatment?"

"I strongly suspect that she's been feeling bad for days and not telling anyone. Her vital signs were concerning, but not setting off alarms so I held her discharge until I could run more tests. Based on the test results, she could be having hallucinations and high fevers at this point. Her abdomen must be causing her much a great deal of pain by now. I believe that we need to find her within 24hrs in order for permanent damage not to take effect."

"Can you alert Administrators Hux and Dameron please as well as security? We'll find her, Doctor."

As the doctor was leaving, Luke pushed the call button to alert the nursing staff. With Natalie missing, Ben was the best person to find her the quickest. Ben needed to be awake and out of his bacta suit fast. 

 

______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Snoke was dead!! There was no way Ben was right about him evading them again. Maybe Snoke was playing mind games with her. It all seemed so real. Rescuing Ben and getting him back to the government complex. Had she imagined it? She had folded back to their first set of quarters on D'Qar and she hadn't detected any sign of Snoke at all. The stench he put off was not in the air. 

"I'm everywhere and nowhere now. You made sure of that, Nat!," Snoke whispered to her in Ben's voice.

"No! No! You are dead! This isn't happening! It's all in my head!!"

"Maybe I am in your head. You killed both of my vessels."

"Ben is not dead! I saved him!"

"Then where is he? There is no he, there is only us now! You were too late. When you plunged that light saber into my chest, you killed both of us. This is how we exist now, in your head!"

Natalie cried out in pain and in exhaustion with sweat pouring off her in waves. "That can't….that can't be! I was just with him! He's alive!"

"And what did your precious Ben tell you? He told you that I was still alive. Because he was a lie. Your guilty mind made him up because you couldn't handle the real truth. The truth is that your whoring--"

"I'm not a whore!"

"Of course, you are! You were a honey pot to attract him thanks to Abeloth. Poor lonely Ben Solo who did bad things because his parents didn't pay enough attention to him. An older experienced woman was what he needed so you played your role, didn't you? And as soon as he was away, you pounced on the next man like a primate grabs a tree branch. That sounds like a whore to me!"

"Shut up! Shut up! Leave me alone!"

"Look around! You are alone, Nat!!"

She looked around and yes, she was alone. Everything hurt. Her clothes were soaked in sweat. She needed a water bath. There was no water here so she'd need to leave soon. After she rested for just a little bit.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Ben was so fucking pissed off right now that wished he could have one of Kylo's famous tantrums right now so he tear up everything in the immediate vicinity. He couldn't understand how his sick wife could have left the hospital without anyone stopping her. It shouldn't have gotten this far. Everything was his fault.

"Ben, I know you're upset, but time is of the essence. You can use the bond to find Natalie and use it to convince her to come back for treatment. It will be like battle meditation. Your bond should help make things easier, but it can also complicate things. Let's hope the Force is with us today in this endeavor. Just do what you normally do when you meditate, but instead of reaching out in the Force all around you, you have to focus on the bond only. I'll be here to try to help you through it and pull you back if you need it."

Ben nodded his head and calmed his breathing to prepare for the meditation. After a few minutes, he was able to focus on his bond with Nat. He took a few deep breaths and his eyes blackened. "So cold, so cold….it hurts so much…," Ben said as his mind entwined with his wife's. 

"Good, Ben. You found her. Now I need you to pull back a little so you can direct her back here.," said Luke.

"…my fault, everything. I felt…so alone. …needed him. Ben, please….forgive me please……," Ben said before a vision flashed in his mind of his wife being passionately kissed by Neal Pearce.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two never seem to catch a break. If you are here for smut, you may be disappointed for a while. If you are still hanging in there with me, please comment and I promise I will get back to you as soon as I can!!


	19. The One Who Had No Other Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has to steady himself to get Natalie back and Luke is there to help him. Ben is the starter, but Kylo is the finisher. Natalie is a tough nut to crack and Ben wonders if he's lost her for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are many things at play here for Ben, Natalie, and Luke. All of them are forced to confront issues within themselves and with each other, but Ben and Natalie really go through the ringer.

Ben pulled all the way back from his wife's mind and his eyes returned to their usual hazel. Luke understood the gravity of what Ben had just learned, but he knew he needed to keep Ben on track to get Natalie back. 

"Ben, we need to---"

"Just give me some time, Uncle!"

"Natalie is--"

"I know! I just need to get myself together! I'll be right back!," Ben said as he went to leave the room to calm down. He walked until he had left the government complex and without even realizing it he started running just until his chest started burning and his muscles started to ache.

He'd fucked things up so badly!! If he had just told Nat that Snoke was trying to infiltrate his mind again before she left to see Kestnor, then none of this would have happened. Twitch would still be alive. His daughter would not have been traumatized. Nat wouldn't have been forced to push him through the portal, she wouldn't have been pushed into the arms of another man in her grief, and she wouldn't have had to suffer nearly getting raped or killed trying to save his ass. And now his self hating tendencies had gotten so out of control, he was here. Wherever here was while his wife, who was out of her mind with delirium and in danger of dying yet again, needed him to save her. 

Ben started running back to the complex and he made his way back to his hospital room. Whatever he needed for himself had to wait until Nat was back safe and sound. Luke was waiting and relieved to see him back.

"Are you ok, Ben?"

"I'm fine, Uncle. I just needed some time to get my mind right for this. I'm ready.," Ben said as he settled back into his bed and got into position for his meditation.

"Do you need to talk? I know it was hard to hear what Natalie was thinking."

"It was hard, but we can deal with that later, once she's better. We can get started again now."

Luke nodded as Ben closed his eyes and adjusted his breathing for his meditation. Ben took two deep breaths and followed the bond back to where his wife had been before he'd pulled out of her mind earlier, but she was no longer there. She'd folded somewhere else. Instead of panicking, he steadied himself and refocused so he could follow her to where she was now. This was probably a good thing so he wouldn't mingle so closely with her mind like he had earlier. He was able to track her to Naboo, the villino where they'd spent their honeymoon. If there was time, he'd be happy that she chose to go back to a place that held such good memories for them with her current state of mind even after all that's happened. She was in the refresher, running water in the tub. He moved in to the edges of her mind so he wouldn't get too deeply entangled.

"Baby?," Ben projected hesitantly.

"Ben, is that you?," Natalie projected back just as hesitantly, not wanting to trust this wasn't a delusion.

"It's me, Nat. I need you to come back to me at the hospital right now."

"I'm freezing and I'm sweaty. I need to take a bath right now.," she said before she immersed herself in the hot bath water with her clothes on.

"Nat, you're sick. That's why you feel that way. Just come back and we'll get you better, ok?"

"How do I know it's really you and not Snoke?"

Ben had to think for a moment. She had a point. Snoke could act like he was Ben and use any of their previous interactions to attempt to prove to her that he was real even if he wasn't. "Baby, I know I said that Snoke could still be alive, but I don't know for sure. If he is then we can deal with that later, but for now please come back to the hospital so we can get you well."

"I don't know what's real anymore. I'm so tired. I just want to sleep now."

"No! Baby, you can't sleep now! Follow our bond and come to me right now!"

"Stop…please stop. I wanna sleep…just wanna sleep.," she said before she drifted off and Ben was forced out of her mind.

Ben jerked out of his meditation. "She kicked me out! What do I do now?"

"Well, I suppose it's a good thing that you ask the question and it speaks to how much you've changed. Ben, not only are you the best person to do this, you are the only person who can do this. I'm not here to help you bring her back. I'm here to help pull you back from the Dark."

"What are you talking about?"

"Battle meditation usually works because the soldiers are open to being led, but if they fell into weakness during the battle, a Force user would be able to convince the soldier to continue on. Natalie's mind is uniquely strong, so much so that only her bonded partner, Ben Solo, would be able to get through to her. Failing that, now it seems we need Kylo Ren. I've heard that he was very good at navigating people's minds to obtain information and compliance."

"No, I've hurt her enough already."

"Ben, you don't have a choice. Natalie is going to die out there without you to bring her back!"

"Are you sure you'll be able to pull me back? You, probably better than anyone, know what I've done and you want me to go back to that?"

"It's either that or your wife and mother to your five children dies and dies alone. Believe me, I'm the last person who wants to tell you to do this, but we have no other choice right now."

Ben nodded and prepared to re-enter his meditation. Luke grabbed his hand. "Are you sure you can go all the way with this, Ben?"

"I'll do what I have to do."

Ben settled back into his meditation, took a few deep breaths, and found his wife's mind again through their bond. It was amazing really. Ordinarily, a mind such as hers would never be open to him and he'd experienced it firsthand. Their bond gained him admittance, but his experience at breaking people would get him what he needed, what she needed. Even asleep, her mind was well protected against all assaults. Except from him now. He was stalled at the periphery of her mind from going further until he sent his well practiced tendrils of the Force to push through and elicit exquisite pain that awoke her from her slumber. Natalie's scream reverberated through their bond, he slowly pulled back a tendril at a time until the screaming stopped, and he could talk with her.

"Get out of the tub now!" 

"I….killed you. This…isn't real. It's in my head."

He sent the tendrils back one at a time until the screaming started again. "Get..out..of..the tub!!"

"Fuck you, Snoke!!"

"Snoke isn't here! You're dealing with Kylo Ren now!!," Ben pulled back on the Force tendrils so she could take in what he'd just told her.

Natalie took in many deep breaths to try to recover while she tried to understand what she just heard. Sweat continued to roll off her while she was in the tub and her stomach throbbed. "Kylo? That's impossible. Snoke couldn't deal with me so he sent his dog, Kylo Ren?," she said before she giggled and descended into loud mad laughter. Was she this gone that her mind had cooked this up?

"All those years when I was Snoke's apprentice, hardly anyone saw him. He was much more of a myth, a whisper, but I was the one everyone feared. I was what made the Force real for them.," he said as he emphasized each word with a tendril to prick at her mind until the laughter turned back into screaming. "Now get out of the tub!!," he said as he again slowly pulled back the tendrils to give her a chance to respond.

Blood began to run from her nose and mouth from the torture. She struggled to take in air and she was burning up with fever. "You're gonna have to kill me, Kylo!"

"You've made it quite clear that you care nothing for your own life so what about your children's lives?"

"No, no…even you wouldn't do this! "

All of a sudden she could hear Bella's screaming and crying flooding her ears. "Stop! Stop this, Ben! They're your children, too!!"

"Ben has children, Kylo doesn't! If you want this to stop, follow the bond back to me now!!"

Natalie got herself out of the tub as she fast as she could with shivering hands and legs so she could fold back to the hospital. Ben pulled out of his meditation when he could sense her presence back in his room. When he opened his eyes, he could see his wife staring at him with blackened eyes, blood oozing from her nose and mouth, soaking wet with her clothes dripping, and shivering. "What did you do?," she said as she walked toward him and Bella's screaming finally stopped.

"I did what I had to do to get you back here.," he said he tried to get out of bed to meet her before his throat started to close up and his body flew up against the wall, suspended there.

"Where is she?"

"Nat, you're sick. Bella's fine.," Ben croaked out as he struggled to breathe.

"Natalie, I promise you. I'd never let Ben hurt any of the children. We had to find a way to get you back here for treatment. Put him down please.," Luke said calmly from the side of the room as he observed the situation.

"Luke, are you sure?"

"I'm sure, all of the kids are fine. You can let him go."

Her eyes returned to their normal brown and Ben fell to the floor, coughing and trying to get his air back. Luke walked over to Natalie to support her and keep her from tipping over after he pushed the call button to get the doctor and nurse into the room. Drs. Kant and Wooden as well as two nurses carrying a stretcher entered Ben's hospital room. The nurses helped Natalie to the stretcher and she relaxed while Dr. Kant told her that she needed to be opened up again so clean up her infection. Ben had finally made it to the side of the stretcher, but Natalie wouldn't even look at him. 

"Nat?," Ben said with tears welling up in his eyes as he tried to grasp his wife's hand.

"Just get me to surgery please.," Natalie said as she closed their bond and snatched her hand away.

Dr. Kant and one of the nurses led Natalie away on the stretcher as Ben stood there devastated. "Let's get you checked out, Mr. Solo.," Dr. Wooden said as she and the nurse led Ben back to his bed. Once Dr. Wooden was satisfied that Ben was still recovering from his injuries and was not injured further, she offered him some medication for pain which he declined. The doctor and nurse left the room, leaving Luke and Ben alone. 

"She'll come around, Ben."

"Will she? What if this is it? Maybe I've lost her for good this time."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd really love some feedback so feel free to comment even it's to tell me my fic sucks!!


	20. The One Who Shall Not Be Named

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalie awakens and tries to get back to normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a bit of an unintended exercise for me. Honestly, not much happens in this chapter and not a ton of emotions are explored. After everything she's been through recently, Natalie is a bit numb. Somehow, I was able to get through the entire chapter without mentioning her husband's name. He is talked about, of course, but he is acting as somewhat of a spectre in the chapter.

Natalie was out for three days this time after her surgery. When she woke up, Poe was there in a seat next to her bed. It was almost like Groundhog's Day. "We keep meeting like this, don't we?"

"Not that I don't love you, Poe, but I'd love it if we didn't keep meeting like this cause it means I nearly died again."

They both laughed. "You have hardware this time so be careful.," Poe said as he motioned to the drains coming out of her stomach.

"I even come baring transportation for you as per usual."

"I'm not going anywhere right now, but thank you."

"You sure? I prepared well for this moment."

"No thank you, Poe."

"Do you need the doctor?"

"No, I'm ok for now."

"Well, lots of people want to see you. You want me to let everyone know it's ok to come by?"

"Yes, that's fine."

Poe left the room, presumably to let everyone who wanted to see her know she was awake. She felt good considering what she'd been through. Pretty comfortable and without pain for the moment. Well rested, which she should be after sleeping for 3 days. And then her hospital room door swung open and her middle child Bella ran in, followed by Xander, Lexi, Rey carrying Bridget, Leia carrying Declan, and Luke. Luke seemed to know that she wanted to hold her children so he picked up Bella and placed her carefully on Natalie's hospital bed so she could embrace her. When she had her child in her arms, she couldn't help it and the floodgates just opened. She kissed Bella on her forehead, told her she loved her, and Bella said it back to her. When she gave Bella back to Luke, Natalie repeated the same pattern with all of her kids. Afterwards, she knew she looked a mess, but it didn't matter. Rey gave her a box of tissues to dry her tears. Natalie took the tissues and drew Rey in to hug her. She had tried to help, but Natalie just wasn't in the right mind to listen. Leia came over to hug her and Natalie told she was so grateful that she could help with the kids. After she let Leia out of their embrace, Luke was next. He wasn't a hugger usually, but he knew wasn't going to get away from this. She still needed to give him his light saber back and she would, but Hux had placed it in his private safe to keep it from disappearing. Everyone stayed for a bit to visit until Bridget and Declan started to get fussy so Rey and Leia took them back to their quarters to feed and change them. Luke stayed with Xander, Lexi, and Bella for a little while longer until Natalie received a visitor who was not really expected--Dr. Wooden. When Dr. Wooden came in, Luke said goodbye after the older kids gave their mom kisses and hugs before leaving, promising to bring the children by tomorrow so she wouldn't be overwhelmed.

"You have a beautiful family, Mrs. Solo."

"Thank you. How can I help you, Dr. Wooden?"

"Well, I came to give you an update on your husband's condition. I must say that I was surprised that I didn't see you come by earlier. I'd be happy to help you into a wheelchair so I can take you to see him."

"That won't be necessary, thank you. I won't be seeing him today, but I appreciate you coming by."

"Are you feeling alright? Should I call Dr. Kant?"

"I'm feeling fine. I'm sure Dr. Kant will be here when he can."

"Ok. I should tell you that I'm extremely concerned about your husband's progress. He was doing fine until you returned from your ordeal, but since then, he has refused therapy, treatment, and meals for the last few days."

"Well, I appreciate the update, Dr. Wooden. I'm really tired and I'd like to rest some more so you can see yourself out."

"I'm sorry, but I just told you that your husband is not doing well and you appreciate the update?"

"Yes, I appreciate the update and your effort in doing it personally. Thank you, but I will be resting now so goodbye."

"Mrs. Solo, don't you think your husband might benefit from seeing you? That it might lift his spirits?"

"Look, I get it. You're concerned about your patient, but you are overstepping here. You updated me. I'm aware of my husband's condition. You've done your job so kindly get the fuck out of my room now!"

Dr. Wooden could barely contain her annoyance. "I apologize for overstepping. If you would like more information or need anything else, please feel free to contact me.," she said before she left the room.

Now that she was alone, she realized that her belly started to ache so she called on the nurse for some pain medication. After she took the medication, she was starting to relax when Dr. Kant came by to examine her surgical wound and drains. 

"Your surgery went very well considering. It was a mess of infection, of course. The drains seem to be doing a good job and they'll probably be able to be removed in a few days. When they are removed, we can start therapy. Best guess, I think you can be discharged in about 3 weeks conservatively. How's your pain? "

"I just took something so I'm fine for now. It's not bad so far."

"Well, your vitals are stable for now. We'll keep an eye on them. Let me know if anything changes, Mrs. Solo."

"Call me Natalie please. Thank you, Dr. Kant."

"You know you're allowed to leave the room in your wheelchair, if you like. I'd be happy to wheel you somewhere."

"Been speaking to Dr. Wooden, have you?"

"Natalie, we're concerned about both of our patients. Please forgive Dr. Wooden if she was a bit pushy."

"Is that what you call it?"

"Being a health care provider yourself, I'm sure you can understand being an advocate for your patients."

"Of course, I do. I appreciate your efforts as well, but I'd like to rest now. Thank you."

"Very well. I'll see you tomorrow, Natalie."

Natalie was about to take a nap and then her dinner tray was brought in. She couldn't believe it had gotten so late so quickly. She ate her dinner in silence, went to the refresher, and she decided that she would leave the room for a little while to get some air. She called the nurse in to help her maneuver into the wheelchair and she wheeled herself around the complex to the courtyard area. It was warm evening with a cool breeze coming in from the east. It was peaceful there and she was comfortable enough that she could easily fall asleep. 

"Do you mind if I join you?"

She turned around to see Hux smiling at her. "I appreciate you taking time away from your busy schedule to see me, Hux."

"You know I'll always make time for you, Natalie.," he said as he pulled a chair over.

"How are you?"

"I should be asking you that. I was worried when I heard you'd disappeared."

"I always turn back up, don't I?"

"You do."

"I know it's not a coincidence you're visiting me now, Hux. Are you here to ruin my day?"

"There was a time not too long ago when you risked everything to save---"

"You are here to ruin my day. You really want to help?"

"Of course."

"Let's just enjoy the weather for a little longer and then you can wheel me back to my room, ok?"

"Ok but you know you can talk to me if you need to, right?"

"Always. Thank you."

They sat in silence for a while until Natalie started to nod off and Hux noticed. "Ok, time for bed."

Hux wheeled Natalie back to her room and helped her back in bed. "I'll check on you tomorrow, ok?"

"Thank you, Hux. Goodnight."

Hux left the room and Natalie called the nurse to get more pain meds before trying to sleep for the night. After the nurse left, she laid awake in deep thought even though she'd just nodded off when she was outside with Hux. It had been a good day, but something….someone was missing. Even though she was so upset with him, she couldn't ignore him. It was cruel and she wasn't a cruel person by nature. Things just felt wrong the whole day without him. She could just open the bond and not talk to him until she was ready. He'd probably appreciate that and it would probably help her feel better too. So she did it and she could instantly feel a sense of relaxation on the other side of the bond that eventually trickled over to her side. Before she closed her eyes, she felt a calming flood of gratitude that reassured her that she did the right thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry. He'll be back in the next chapter!!


	21. The One I'm Stuck With Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somehow Ben and Natalie are forced to try and work things out

Ben hadn't seen his wife in 2 weeks even though they were in the same wing of the hospital. They'd had some close calls in the therapy department, but he strongly suspected that she'd purposely avoided the therapy rooms when she knew he'd be there. He felt so much better since she opened their bond. He thought they would've talked long before now, but with their bond open, he could feel that she was deeply hurting still. He was discharging today and the plan was for him, their youngest twins Bridget and Declan, Luke, and Rey to return to Luke's while Leia stayed with Xander and Lexi, his oldest twins, and Bella until Natalie was ready to come home. He wished his family didn't have to be separated right now, but they needed to focus on getting Natalie well and it seemed like this might be the best way to do it. Luke knocked on the hospital room door because they were going to be leaving soon. 

"Come in."

"You about ready, Ben?"

"Yes, I'm ready."

"Ok. Oh, I need you to do me a favor. We took a tour of Hux's new office and Leia left the twins' diaper bag in there. I figured you could grab it and say goodbye to Hux before we go. Once you've got it, I'll meet you at the hangar."

"Alright. I'll just be a few minutes. It's the blue and pink one, right?"

"You got it. See you in a bit."

Ben made his way to Hux's new office and Hux didn't seem to be there. Hux worked all the time so that was a bit odd. He looked around the office for the bag and didn't see it. He heard some rustling in a back room of the office and he headed toward it. "Hux? Is that you?" When he entered the room, he saw Natalie with a surprised look on her face.

"Why are you here?"

"Hey, I didn't know…uh…you look good, well. You look well. Luke sent me down to find the babies' blue and pink diaper bag."

"Leia sent me down to find Bella's Pookie Bear. So I guess we were set up. You look well too."

They stared at each other for a few moments. "Since we're here, can we talk?"

"I'm glad to see you're ok, Ben. I've got to go now.," Natalie went to open the door to leave and it was locked. "This isn't happening!," she said as she banged on the door in frustration. 

"Let me try it." Ben tried to open the door too, but it was locked up tight. He looked around and realized what kind of room they were in. It was a panic room, just in case the building came under attack. Hux had mentioned to him on one of their previous trips that he was perfecting the final details on the room, which was more of an apartment really.

Ben and Natalie looked at each other for a moment and suddenly the wall mounted monitor turned on with their older kids on screen. 

"Hi Mommy and Daddy!," Bella said.

"Sorry, we had to lock you in Mr. Hux's office. It's for your own good!," Xander said.

"You always tell us that people should talk things through when they are mad at each other. So you guys are grounded for a day until you learn your lesson.," Lexi said. 

"We know you can leave if you want, but we know you'll feel better once you talk.," Xander said.

"Please try your hardest to work things out.," Lexi said.

"Don't be mad at us. We love you.," Bella said. 

"See you tomorrow, Mommy and Daddy!," the kids said in unison before the monitor went back off.

"How sad are we that our children had to trick us into talking to each other?," Ben said. 

"We made some beautiful, smart kids and they deserve so much better from us so let's get started.," Natalie said before she started rummaging through Hux's liquor cabinet. "Would you like one?"

"Not right now."

"Don't worry. I promise I won't get sloppy, just want to relax. Aaah, I knew Hux would have some good stuff. Corellian whiskey. You sure you don't want one?"

"I'll take one glass. You wanna sit on the couch?"

"Sure, I'll meet you there."

Natalie poured two glasses of whiskey and brought them over to the couch to sit across from Ben then she handed him his glass. She downed half the glass before she spoke. "What you did to me, is that what you used to do to people?"

"Yes.," Ben said after he took a sip of his whiskey.

"And you felt like you had no other choice before you did it?"

"I had no other choice, Nat."

"You're sure of that? To whom am I speaking? Ben or Kylo?"

"Nat, I would never….ever hurt you purposely. You have to know that!"

"And you're sure that the torture you put me through had nothing to do with what happened with me and Neal?"

Ben closed his eyes and exhaled. "No, it didn't. I did ask him to look out for you while I was gone. I just shouldn't have put it past that prick to take advantage of you while you were hurting so badly."

"That's not what happened!"

"So what happened then?"

Natalie finished off her glass of whiskey and went to grab the bottle so she could refill her glass before she started her story back on the couch with Ben. "I was devastated about what happened with you, Snoke, and Bella. After I made sure she was ok and dropped her off with your mom at home, I folded over to Twitch's home and I found him. Of course, he was gone, but I hoped against hope. I called the police to report that I found him dead. I hugged him and got covered in his blood. When the police showed up, I answered their questions and they asked if there was someone I could call to get me home. I gave them Neal's number because I had no one else I could call. When he got there, I asked him if I could shower at his house and then take me home. Are you sure you want to hear this?"

Ben nodded yes, even though he could admit to himself that he wasn't sure that he wanted to.

"I showered at his house and I just broke down. Neal found me in the shower, covered me up, and held me until I fell asleep. While I was asleep, he called Leia to let her know where I was and that he'd bring me home shortly. After I woke up, I got dressed and he took me home. I got Leia and the kids to Luke's and came back to a ton of messages from Kieran. I called him over and he brought me a disc to watch. Twitch was on it and he left everything--his money, his properties, his business, all to me."

Natalie got up from the couch and tears just poured from her eyes. She started to slowly pace the apartment. Ben didn't try to calm her down or get her back to the couch. He hadn't mourned Twitch properly. There really hadn't been time. His eyes had started to water when Natalie had brought Twitch up earlier. He'd already forgiven her for anything she felt she did wrong and he felt as though she really hadn't done anything wrong compared to him. He wouldn't let her just pour her heart out like this for nothing. He knew that she needed to do this for whatever reason.

"I just couldn't be alone so I called Neal. He was good to me. He told me he loved me and I told him he couldn't love me because he didn't know me. I told him that I could never love him whether you were here or gone, dead or alive.," she said as she looked at Ben directly in his eyes. 

"I told him that it was wrong and that I shouldn't take advantage of him. He kissed me and I let him. He pulled away and told me he'd give me anything I wanted even if it was to stop moving forward. So I kissed him again.," She drank another half glass of whiskey before she went on. "I spent the night and we fucked!"

Ben's face fell. He should have seen this coming. She was hurting and she wanted to hurt him back.

"The next day we went to the funeral, I gave the eulogy, I spread Twitch's ashes, and then I went back to Neal's place so we could fuck more!," she said after she finished of the glass of whiskey.

"It feels so good to get that off my chest! I'm hungry. Are you hungry? I'm gonna clean up and try to find some food."

She went to the refresher and left Ben stunned on the couch. He had to make this right somehow. 

Natalie left the refresher and made a beeline for the kitchenette. She checked in all the cabinets for something suitable to eat and she grabbed things that had potential as she went. 

"Nat, please listen to me!"

"You know, I'm clearly crazy. I've never denied that and you're obviously certifiable! What kind of person makes a lifetime commitment to someone they just met even if they've been seeing them in their dreams for years?," Natalie yelled as she was simultaneously fixing a meal. 

"Especially after someone tells them they're a mass-murdering, patricidal maniac! What the fuck did I expect? I expected to have 5 children and live happily ever after with him apparently! So why the fuck would I be surprised when said maniac tortures me and threatens to kill our children?"

"I never meant that! I said what I needed to say to get you treated! I love you and our kids!"

"I was willing to accept the horrible things you did when you did them to other people, not to me!!"

Ben was desperate. He needed to try anything he could to keep his family together. "You're right. So why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you reopen the bond? I was giving up. I felt guilty about the torture and what happened with Snoke. When you opened the bond, I had hope that we could find our way back to each other. If you hadn't done that, we wouldn't be here now."

Of course, he had a point. "Well, I wear my heart on my sleeve, remember?," she said as she pointed out the heart shaped birthmark on the inside of her right forearm. She didn't want to talk anymore. "You can finish this. I'm not hungry anymore."

Natalie returned to the refresher and locked herself inside leaving Ben to continue to cook the meal she had started. 

"Fuck.," Ben mumbled to himself before he picked up where Natalie left off with the food.


	22. The One I'm Stuck With Part 2

Ben finished off the meal that Natalie had started with a few of his own added touches. He even set the dinner table for them, hoping that she would come out of the refresher to eat with him. He knew she needed to eat cause she was still healing from surgery. 

"I finished dinner if you want to eat some, Nat."

"Fuck off!," she yelled from the refresher.

Ben frowned, but he had to keep trying. "I get it. You're rightly upset with me, but the kids wanted us to talk so we have to be able to honestly say we did that. You have to eat so you can heal…."

The refresher door opened and Natalie came out. "Give me a plate please." Ben obliged her and gave her a plate of food. "Can you sit on the couch so I don't have to look at your stupid face while we're talking?" Ben obliged her again as he grabbed his plate and went over to the couch to eat. 

They both started eating silently at first. Fuck, this was so good. Ben had really become a great cook. They'd both come so far since they met. She needed to stop reminiscing. "It's interesting that you brought up the kids earlier. You didn't seem to care about them when you told me that I should have let you die."

"I said that because I know what it cost you to save me, Nat! I knew then that you were sick, but you were too delirious to see it."

"I gave up nearly everything that day and you didn't appreciate it! Do you know how much that hurt me?"

"Yes, every time you're hurt I feel it, too! ," He couldn't stand it anymore, talking at his wife from across the room, so he walked to the table with his plate and sat down next to her. She had tears in her eyes that hadn't fallen yet. "When Snoke was hitting you and trying to rape you, I was nearly powerless. I didn't want that to be your last memory of me and I would have done anything to make it stop!"

Natalie was about to get up from the table, but Ben gently grabbed her hand to keep her there. She sat back down to listen to what he had to say. "Snoke tried to take me over again the morning you were leaving to see Kestnor. I know I promised to tell you, but I thought I could handle it and then I couldn't. It was too late. After you left, I had the strongest need to see Twitch so I walked to his house. He was surprised to see me, of course, almost as surprised that I was there. At first, we just talked and it seemed like Snoke had gone, but the darkness just took over."

Natalie held his hand as he recounted what happened with Twitch. She was pissed off at him, but she knew how much he loved Twitch too. Ben looked her and her end of the bond was flooded with his gratitude. His tears continued as he went on with his story. "He went to the kitchen to get me a drink, ever the host. When he got up, Snoke made me follow and he had me grab a knife from the kitchen drawer. I think he could see it in my eyes that I didn't want to do it. I tried to reach out to his mind and tell him to run away, but it was too late. I felt the knife go in, heard him scream, and saw the light go out in his eyes. Snoke let me come back for a few moments so I could deal with what he had done and then I got the urge to go home and get Bella. I tried so hard to slow him down so I could figure out how to stop this, but he shut me down every time. I got back to the house and made a beeline for Bella. My mom knew something was wrong and she tried to interfere, but Snoke pushed her to the ground. The kids were screaming and crying and Bella was wriggling in my arms. Snoke knew you would be on the way back otherwise he would've stayed to kill my mom. He ran with Bella to the portal site and started frantically looking for the portal to open, but it wasn't there. That's when you showed up and you know what happened next." Ben paused for a few moments to prepare to tell the part that she didn't know. 

"After we went through the portal, Snoke got over not getting Bella pretty quickly. He knew we'd be seeing you again soon. So he found ways to…pass the time. At the first brothel, he needed my….cooperation. It was still early on in our joining and I was able to keep him from getting an erection no matter how hard he tried, but he got around that by taking some sort of drug. I didn't want to, but really I was just along for the ride."

Well, she felt like an asshole now! She had bragged about sleeping with a man she knew Ben hated in order to hurt him. But he had actually been forced into sexual situations he wanted no part of. "Snoke did a lot of damage to us. Nobody else can truly know what that's like but us. I love you and anything I do is to keep us together. Please don't shut me out, Nat.," he said and then punctuated it with a slow stroke of his thumb down her facial scar.

Initially, that stroke of her scar elicited so many things in her: love, longing, lust. Then she thought about what he said to her and a feeling she picked up on through the bond. "Stop fucking trying to manipulate me! Snoke had nothing to do with what you did to me! Nothing you've told me justifies it, not in my mind! I'm taking a shower and going to sleep on the couch, you can have the bed. We've talked enough!!"

Natalie got up from the table, looked in the closet, found some clothes, bed linens, towels, and toiletries before she went into the refresher. Ben sat at the table for few more minutes before he got himself together to clean up the food and dishes. He was at a loss for what to do next. He couldn't let this happen to his family. He needed them too much.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Natalie came out of the refresher and made a beeline for the couch to prepare it for sleep. Ben went into the refresher to shower and get ready for bed. Once the bed linens were on the couch, Natalie laid on it. It felt awful! She and Ben had sat on this same couch earlier and it didn't feel like this. She got up and checked out the cushions. Nothing seemed out of order. She laid back down, but this was going to be hellish even for just the night. Ben came out of the refresher and said goodnight before he went into the bedroom. She said goodnight as well cause it didn't make sense to be rude. She made it 20 minutes on the couch before she gave up and took some pillows to the floor to sleep. She was really tired and she knew her neck and back were gonna be in knots by morning, but she was able to fall asleep. It wasn't long before she started dreaming about Ben, of course.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Ben was laying in bed staring at the ceiling and he could sense Natalie's discomfort. He didn't jump up right away to confirm anything because he didn't want to start another fight. He knew he wouldn't sleep at all if he knew she was in any pain at all so he got up to find that she was sleeping on the floor. He immediately picked her up and brought her to bed with him. There was no sense in her sleeping on the floor when the bed had plenty of room for both of them. She was tired, indicated by her quiet snore that he still found adorable. Her messy bun had strands of her soft dark curls falling haphazardly about her face and neck. He carefully moved the hair away from her face and moved to his side of the bed. Now that she was next to him, he could relax into sleep.


	23. The One I'm Stuck With Part 3

The urge to pee awoke her from a wonderful dream unfortunately. When she sat up, she realized that she was in bed next to Ben. Initially, she was exasperated, but then she thought it was a nice thing he'd done so she just took it as that. She went to the bathroom to relieve herself and on her way back to the bedroom, her neck and back started to spasm. Natalie headed back to the refresher to see if Hux was keeping any pain pills there. Luckily, she found some and she moved quickly to the kitchen to get some water. She swallowed the pills and hoped they would kick in soon. In the meantime, she tried to stretch out her back and roll her neck to work out the kinks. 

"Nat, are you ok?"

"No, I'm having muscle spasms."

"Well, just come back to bed and I'll massage you until you go to sleep."

"That's not necessary. I just took some pain pills. They should start working shortly."

"Come on, I'm not gonna hurt you! As soon as you feel better, we can both go to sleep."

Natalie didn't have a good feeling about this, but Ben's massages always helped. "Ok, but if I feel your dick poking me in the back, I'm gonna rip it off and fuck you in the ass with it!," she said seriously.

They both stared and each other for a moment and started laughing. That threat was a little over the top. "Come on, let's get this over with so we can go back to bed." Ben followed Natalie back to the bedroom and took a familiar position behind his wife. "Where are you hurting the most?"

"My neck is the most uncomfortable so you can start there, please?" Ben started to massage her neck and she could feel the warmth of his breath on her skin. It was so hard, difficult for her not to moan in relief from the warmth of his well practiced hands on her. "So why did you bring me to the bed?"

"I knew you were uncomfortable out there. I wasn't about to let my wife, who still has another week in the hospital to recover from two abdominal surgeries, sleep in discomfort while I was cozy in a nice bed. Then I'd be a worse piece of shit than you already think I am!"

"I never said you were a piece of shit! I just feel like there is more to you torturing me to get me back here than you want to admit!"

"If there was anything to it, then why would I be so quick to forgive you for what happened with Neal?"

"Because you feel guilty."

"Of course, I feel guilty because everything is my fault!"

"I never said everything was your fault, Ben! Everything was my fault!"

"I knew Snoke was coming back, but I didn't say anything because I was too stubborn to realize I needed help! That makes it my fault!"

"No, after Snoke took over the first time, I should have realized that we needed more help from Luke and Rey. Instead, I took the bait from Kestnor and left everyone vulnerable to Snoke. That makes everything my fault!"

"Is your neck ok? You want me to move on to your back?"

"Yea, please do my back now. My neck's better." Ben moved on to massage her back and thought about taking some other chances as he heard his wife moan in relief from his massage. 

"So if we agree that the things that happened with Snoke are your fault and that what has happened since Snoke was my fault, let's call it even and stop fighting please. I'm tired of fighting and I don't want to do it anymore.," Ben said as he continued his wife's massage, but moved closer so they could both feel each other's body heat.

In this relaxed state, Natalie was increasingly tempted to give Ben what he wanted, but she wasn't quite ready to make that leap yet. Most people probably would not be able to discuss such issues when they were in such an intimate situation with their spouse, but they needed to work through this if that was even possible. "It wasn't just the pain I experienced, Ben. It was the darkness that flooded our bond. I've never felt that from you before. It scared me and I don't scare easily. And then you threatened the kids. If you truly went dark, I don't know if I'd be able to bring you back."

"Hey.," Ben said as he gently turned her around to face him. "If anyone could bring me back, it would be you, but it's never going to happen."

"We can never say what will or won't happen! You know that!"

"I'm sorry that I scared you. I didn't want to do it, but even Luke thought there was no other way to save you. Luke was there to keep things from going to far. As soon as you came back, I was focused on making sure you got well. That's all. I promise you.," he said softly as he brushed his lips against the corner of her mouth. "I promise.," he said softly as his lips brushed her cheek. "I promise.," he said softly as his lips moved from her ear to her neck.

Natalie relaxed into his attentions. "You screwed with couch, didn't you?"

Ben paused, raised his head to show his crooked grin to his wife, and they both laughed. "I really fucking hate you right now!"

Ben kissed his wife full on the mouth. "I know, but you really fucking love me too!" They both giggled like children for a few moments, then they started to kiss each other like the hours of fighting that came before never happened. 

Ben tried to slip his hand in to Natalie's shorts and she grabbed his hand. "Whoa, Speed Racer! You're still in the penalty box and I haven't decided how to punish you yet! We still have some things to talk about."

"As long as we're not fighting anymore, that's fine."

"We both had sex with at least one other person so--"

"I had the doctor do the appropriate tests and they came back fine. I'd never put you at risk like that, Nat."

"Me too. I hate talking about this, but it's one less thing for us to worry about. The other issue is I'm not completely healed yet. My stomach is still a little sore and I don't want to take any chances so I can't be as active as I want to be. Do you mind taking things slowly?"

Ben projected an image of him with his face buried in his wife's crotch while her hands were clutching his hair. "Is this slow enough for you?" 

"Ummm, I think I could handle that. We should probably make sure Hux has extra linens so we can change the sheets first, but you already thought of that, didn't you?" Ben half smiled and kissed her lightly on her lips. "Did you know I would forgive you?"

"I hoped that you would, but I didn't know for sure. I don't want to talk about that anymore. I just want to make you feel good. Please let me." Her breath caught in her throat as they looked deeply into each other's eyes and she projected her silent approval. 

He slid his hand into the hair at the nape of her neck to gently cradle her head while he brought their lips together. He leaned his head forward to rest against her forehead to center himself in their bond. He'd always taken more comfort in it than she did, it seemed. He moved his lips to her neck to kiss it and he moved his tongue over the throbbing pulses as he relished the moans he elicited from her. He ran his fingers over her collar bones before he carefully nipped and sucked at the skin just below them, leaving small bruises there. He was so hard, but this wasn't about him. He was going to come no matter what because he was with her. He refocused on her chest with tiny nips and licks at random places while he ran his fingers along her ribs, careful not to tickle, which would ruin the mood he was trying to create. As he slowly moved down, he got to her abdomen with the newly healing scars from her two surgeries. His fingers caressed them as his wife arched her back in reaction to his touch. His lips brushed the scars and he felt her breathing change as her hands ran through his hair. After he finished lavishing the abdominal scars with attention, he licked a line down to her C-section scar to lavish it with a little attention as well. Before he moved down further, he projected to her for permission, which she gave. He loved giving her head. He loved how wet she got for him, how she tasted and smelled, how she moved under his mouth, how she sounded when she came.

Her legs naturally fell open when she was prompted. She relaxed even more once he tentatively licked at her clit. The walls she'd built up over the weeks since she'd seen him last were slowly coming down since they were locked in the apartment together. She had missed being with him like this. She had missed him even though she didn't want to admit it to herself during their separation. She was as tired of fighting as he was, but she wouldn't have fought so hard if she thought for a moment that she was wrong. She didn't usually have so much trouble turning her brain off, so to speak, when they were intimate. She felt that he was trying diligently to keep her in the here and now with him as he buried his nose in her pubic hair. She grabbed his hair tighter as he went to work on her. She loved when he gave her head. She loved how he never rushed it, how he enjoyed just as much if not more than she did, how little shame he had about the sounds he made, how he was so reactive to what she needed and wanted. Her breath caught in her throat when he very lightly nipped at her clit and then followed up by feathery licks. She raised her hips to meet his mouth as he gripped her thighs. She clenched her pelvic muscles as he continued his ministrations and they both came loudly. 

Ben came up to kiss his wife and hold her close as they exchanged I love yous. They both went to the refresher to quickly clean up and changed the sheets before they got back in bed. Ben took his spot behind his wife to massage her to sleep before he fell asleep not long after.


	24. The One In The Middle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We move ahead in time 2 months with smut followed by a sweet goodbye before a brief separation and a confrontation between rivals after a bombshell revelation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in posting. Lots of life happened much like this chapter. I hope you enjoy it if there's anyone out there who's still following the story.

His hands tightly gripped her ass and her hands gripped his shoulders as they both were thrusting to find their orgasms. Their moans were muffled by their mouths locked in a passionate kiss. After they came, she collapsed next to her husband and tentatively rubbed at her abdomen. "Fuck, I'm really old. I think I pulled an abdominal muscle. No more sex for you!!"

They both laughed. "How about we try a less labor intensive position for you?," he said while quickly kissing her between each word.

"Oh, you've come so far from "We don't even have to have sex."," she said imitating his deep voice before she giggled.

"I can't resist you just like you can't resist me. We're both screwed."

They playfully kissed each other, but they were exhausted from the day with the children. "I'm gonna go clean up a little and take some pain meds." 

"I'll clean up too and get you some water. You sure you're gonna be ok with the kids tomorrow? I can put my trip off if you need me here, baby."

"No, you need this. I'll be fine. I'm absolutely wrecked so I'm gonna hurry so I can go to sleep soon."

"You go to the bathroom. I'll get you some water from the kitchen and I'll get cleaned up after you. Then I'll massage you to sleep, ok?" Ben put some shorts on to get his wife some water careful not to wake up their sleeping twins or so he thought. He heard them stirring when he returned to their room. Natalie came back from the bathroom and found him holding Bridget and Declan in his arms, trying to calm them with his voice. She caught herself staring for a moment at them, a father comforting his children. Ben turned around to see her smiling at him. "Get your water and take your pills, baby. I'll get started changing and feeding them." She did as he asked and then joined him in taking care of their twins. Once the twins were back in their cribs and on their way to sleep, Ben went to the bathroom and Natalie got in bed. He returned and took his station behind his wife to massage her to sleep. 

"Why were you staring at me earlier?"

"You're such a good father, Ben. I just….I just got reminded of that."

"Did you need to be reminded?"

"No, I don't know. It was just….I love you and I love our family."

"Are you sure I don't need to stay? It's not a big deal. I can train with Rey and Luke any time."

"Everything's gonna be fine. It's only a few days. The portal will be there for you in the gym, so you can come back whenever you want."

"Are you sure it's a good idea for the portal to be here in the house, baby?"

"Ben, what's wrong? This is more than your usual worry, isn't it?," she said as she turned to look at him.

"I just have a bad feeling. It's nothing specific. I think I should stay home and reschedule."

"Whatever you want to do is fine." She stroked his scar and quickly kissed him. "We should go to bed soon, ok?"

"I'll massage you, we'll go to sleep, and we'll figure this out in the morning."

She turned around and he resumed his massage. They were both asleep in minutes.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

The babies stirred a few hours later and Natalie was the one who woke to deal with them. They were both wet and they went back to sleep easily when they were changed. She washed her hands in the bathroom and returned to bed, but she stopped to look at her sleeping husband. He was such a beautiful man, even if he didn't know it. She tried to tell him so whenever she could. His pale skin had a random mess of freckles and moles, especially on his face. The strong nose he complained about provided an anchor for the rest of his slack facial features. The rest of his body was the result of a lifetime of training, but all she saw when she looked at each part of him were the sentimental moments that they had shared together. She remembered falling asleep on his chest when they were on the transport in Naboo. She remembered running her hands over his wet abs when they made love in the shower for the first time on their wedding night. She was being a real sap right now for some reason! She pulled the covers back, careful not to wake him as he softly snored. She went over to her side of the bed and she hovered over her husband's crotch from the side of him. She took in the familiar musky smell of him. He had a beautiful cock, which was unfortunately covered by some shorts right now. She gently put her mouth on his clothed flaccid cock to test his reaction. Ben just turned his head in the opposite direction and continued to snore. The next time, she exhaled her warm breath on him and used some carefully placed teeth on his dick. That made his dick start to harden and he stirred awake to find his wife perving on him while he was sleeping. He was enough of a sick fuck that he totally didn't mind it so he let her remove his shorts when she realized he was awake. Now that his dick and balls were free of their fabric restraints, she went to work on him. She buried her nose in his crotch and it filled with his scent before she took care to bring his balls into her mouth and gently roll them around. His dick immediately stood up to full attention and he moaned as his eyes rolled to the back of his head. His hand reached down to tangle his fingers in her hair. She removed her mouth from his balls and started lick him from the base to clean him of some of the precome he started to drip. Once the rest of him was clean, she slowly lowered her mouth onto the head and used her tongue to explore for a few moments before trying to take more of him in. She repeated the process until her lips reached the base of his penis and her mouth and throat were full of her husband's cock. He was so full and really wanted to let his load go, but he wanted to prolong these moments as long as he could. His hips itched to move, but he controlled himself as he focused on his wife's mouth bobbing on his dick. Both of his hands were gently grasping at her hair now. "Where do you want to come, baby?," she projected to him with her mouth still full of his cock. He looked at his fingers tangled in her soft ebony curls and it came to him. "Can I come on your face and in your hair please?" She answered through their bond in silent affirmation of his desires.  
Her throat spasmed around him and he was so close to exploding. When he was close to coming, his wife pulled away from him and laid on the bed waiting for him. He got up to straddle her so he could make sure his load would land on her face and hair as he asked. When it was over, they laid in bed next to each other for a few minutes. Ben turned to look at his wife and she turned to look at him. "Feel better, baby?," she said to him with her sex hoarse voice, looking ridiculously cute with his spend on her face and in her hair. He couldn't help but laugh at her and she, in turn, laughed as well. "Ok, wiseass! You had your fun. I'm getting in the shower. You watch the kids." 

Natalie went into the bathroom to clean up. Once she got in the shower, she cleaned her husband's seed off her face while she smiled to herself. She grabbed her shampoo to clean her hair before she started to clean the rest of her body. That abdominal strain was starting to bother her. She should check in with her friend Gretchen at the ER. Take her to lunch and get her to check her out just to ease her mind so she's in tiptop shape before Ben gets back from his training trip with Luke and Rey. 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Ben said his goodbyes to the kids and his mom before he met his wife downstairs in the gym. "You sure you're ok with me going on this trip, Nat?"

"Ben, we're gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine. Just relax and enjoy yourself. You need this.," she said before she softly ran her thumb down his facial scar and kissed his lips.

Feeling more assured, he exhaled, kissed his wife's hand, and projected to her an I love you that was reciprocated before he walked through the portal to leave. 

Natalie smiled to herself and ran back upstairs to finish getting ready to meet with her former colleague for lunch.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

While she and Gretchen were eating, laughing, and sharing details of each other's lives that they'd missed out on, Natalie realized how much she missed having stimulating adult conversations with people other than Ben and Leia. She loved her children and being home with them to raise them, but there was a part of her that would probably always remain unfulfilled with a life where she wasn't using the education she had sacrificed so much for, personally and financially. She didn't need to work any more, but it had really been a long time since that was true, even before the windfall that Twitch's death had brought to her. She'd spent so long just looking out for herself and she'd invested well so she hadn't wanted for anything. She had gotten a bit lost in her thoughts while she was waiting for Gretchen to come back for her that she didn't notice someone was calling out to her until they touched her on the shoulder.

"Natalie?"

She turned around in response to the sound of her name from the familiar voice and warmth of a familiar touch.

"Neal? Uhh, hi."

"Are you ok? I'll called out to you quite a few times. What are you doing here?"

She was still trying to get over seeing him at this moment. "I'm visiting a friend. It's….good to see you."

"You disappeared after that last night. I left you a bunch of messages---"

"I got them. I didn't return them purposely. Ben's home now. I'm sorry. I know it's shitty, but…you were a good friend to me. Thank you, but I should go. Goodbye." She turned and was about to leave, but an abdominal cramp doubled her over causing her to cry out.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know. Oww!," she yelped before the pain made her pass out and Neal caught her before she hit the floor.

"I need a gurney here now!" 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Ben came back through the portal after only being gone a few hours. He couldn't get past the feeling that something was really wrong. When he got upstairs, he saw his mother with his three older children. "Ben, what are you doing back already?"

"I couldn't focus so I decided to come back early. Where's Nat?"

"She went to lunch with a friend of hers at the hospital. Actually, I thought she would have been back by now."

"I'll check on Bridge and Dec and then I'll go find her at the hospital. Will you be ok with the kids while I'm gone?"

"Ben, I was ok before you showed back up and I'll be fine after you leave." Ben smirked at her response. They were really blessed to have her help with their kids. When he got back to the bedroom, the twins were sound asleep so he came back out to the living room to put Xander, Lexi, and Bella down for their naps before he left to find his wife. 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Natalie started coming around while Gretchen was standing at her computer on wheels. "Hey, you feeling better?"

"What the fuck happened?"

"You passed out while you were waiting for me and Pearce got to you. We worked you up and you have another bun in the oven, old girl."

She bristled at the news. "I've been through so much the last few months. I don't even see how that's possible!"

"You know what they say, life always finds a way."

"Is it a baby or is it a dinosaur?" They both laughed at her Jurassic Park joke.

"Well, your sense of humor is still intact so that's good."

"How far along am I?"

"About 3 months based on the labs. This is a high risk pregnancy, of course, so I took the liberty of scheduling you an appointment with the best high risk OB in town. They're gonna see you next week. So I guess our girl's day out has come to an end. It seemed you were happy to put me back to work. You ready to go home and tell Ben the good news?"

"He's out of town, but I'll tell him when he's back. Thank you."

"Take your time. I've gotta check on some patients. Don't be a stranger." Gretchen left the room and Natalie sat up to think on her situation. Another baby at her age? And 3 months? That meant there was a possibility that the baby could belong to…

"Hey. I wanted to check on you before I went back to my office." Of course, Neal would show up now.

"I'll be ok. I'm on my way home now. Thanks for your help. Goodbye.," she said as she turned to leave again.

Neal grabbed her arm gently and turned her to him. "You're pregnant, aren't you?," he said as he looked her in the eyes and she shied away. "This child could be mine."

"Get your hands off my wife, Pearce!" Both Neal and Natalie flinched as Ben's voice boomed in the exam room space. Neal released his grip on Natalie and Ben grabbed his wife's hand to take her home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a ton to unpack in this chapter. Ben's fear is kind of a running theme throughout the story. Natalie is always a bit of a mixed bag--she tends to be overly thoughtful or analytical at times. Her age is something she thinks about alot, but she also wonders what her life would be like under different circumstances. I don't think it's a spoiler to say that this will come into play in later chapters. And of course, more drama will ensue.


	25. The One Who Trusted Me The Most

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben reacts poorly to Natalie's news. Natalie needs to talk, but Ben's not ready yet when someone else is. Natalie lets Ben in more than she ever has.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are many triggers in this long chapter. Please mind the existing tags!! If you're still with me and you think you might be triggered, I'd rather you skip it!! Trust me!! I was triggered while writing it, which was part of the reason it took me so long to finish and post!!

She tossed and turned in her bed thinking on what happened earlier in the day. Ben had said nothing to her since he picked her up at the hospital and basically deposited her in their bedroom to rest she assumed because he never actually said it. He even took Bridget and Declan out of the room and left her alone. She could hear the kids playing on the other side of the door and she wished they'd come in to see her so she could get out of her own head just for a little while. Ben was ignoring all her attempts to communicate with him through their bond. She felt him working out his anger in the gym downstairs just after he put her in their bedroom and was fairly sure that when she finally was able to see it that the gym would look like a tornado had hit it. It was dinner time and she could smell that food was cooking for the better part of an hour. Ben would feed the kids first, then his wife, then he and Leia as he usually did when Natalie was infirmed in some way. It was starting to become usual. He was starting to tire of it, she suspected, even though he was becoming so good at handling the regular occurrence. The door opened and Ben walked in with the tray carrying her dinner. He put it on the bed for her and was about to leave. "Ben, please talk to me! Please!"

"You need to eat."

"I can come out there and eat, see the kids, help you clean up…."

"You need to rest and you need to eat.," he said as he left their bedroom. He really meant to keep her under wraps until he was ready to deal with her. She ate the food because she actually was hungry. After she was done, she grabbed her phone and texted Neal to see if he was at home. She knew it wasn't a great idea to do this, but she was doing it anyway. She'd have to talk things out with him at some point and seeing as her husband wasn't ready yet, she might as well talk to the other person who was an interested party. Neal said he was home and he offered to come for her if she needed him. She told him she'd meet him at his home in a bit. Ben came back into their room to collect the tray and didn't say a word to her even though she looked at him with her eyes pleading for him to stay. When he left, her mind was made up that she was going to go talk to Neal.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

After dinner, the older kids were quietly playing in their rooms while Ben and Leia were feeding Bridget and Declan in the living room. "Son, everything ok? You've been really quiet since you and Natalie got back from the hospital. Is she not feeling well?"

"I don't want to talk about it right now, Mom. Sorry."

"That's fine, son. Whatever it is, just remember, your kids know when things aren't right with their mom and dad. Just like you always knew when Han and I were fighting."

"You guys tended to make things more obvious, Mom. And we're not fighting, we're just not…talking."

"Really, Ben. You two have 5 children--"

"6."

"6 what?"

"Nat's pregnant again.," Ben said without a trace of emotion on his face, just stating the simple fact.

"Well, I can understand why she'd be upset with you if that's how you reacted when she told you the news."

"That's just it. She didn't tell me the news. It came out of the mouth of Neal Pearce as he was questioning whether or not he could be the baby's father."

"Oh! Well, you forgave her for being with him, didn't you?"

"There was nothing to forgive."

"Then why are leaving your pregnant wife alone and isolated in your room, Ben?"

His mother sometimes had a way of putting things in perspective for him that he was becoming increasingly appreciative of. "Because I'm an idiot." He and Leia had finished feeding the twins and changed them. "Can you give me a minute, Mom? I wanna check on Nat." 

"Sure, son."

Ben got off the couch to check on his wife in their bedroom. When he opened the door, he could see that she wasn't on the bed so he went to look in the bathroom for her. The room was empty.

"She's gone."

"She probably just needed some time to clear her head. I'm sure she'll be back soon."

Ben knew she'd be back, but he also knew exactly were she'd gone.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Thank you.," she said to Neal as he handed her the glass of water she'd asked for.

"Are you hungry? I can order some food if you need something."

"I'm fine with the water for now."

"He doesn't know you're here, does he?"

"I'm not here to talk about Ben with you."

"OK, so why are you here?"

"You're going to make me say it, aren't you? I'm pregnant and there is a possibility the baby is yours."

Neal had suspected it, of course, but now that she had confirmed his suspicions, he wasn't sure what to think. He was not a person who even really liked children. He never thought he would have any, but the possibility that he would have a child with someone that he was actually in love with excited him. It was messy, but so was life. 

"Please say something, Neal."

"I'm sorry. I was just thinking. Whatever you need from me, you'll have it."

"The number one thing I need from you is to have some self awareness. I'm married with 5 kids. Please respect my family. This situation is gonna be difficult enough, but it will be even worse if you can't respect some boundaries."

"Am I going to be afforded the same respect? Is your husband going to threaten me every time we're in the same room?"

"As long as you don't try to goad him into anything, I think we'll be fine."

"I want to be involved in everything. All the OB appointments and tests."

"Ok, I can agree to that. I'll text you the information for the OB appointment next week. "

"You can come by any time you want. I can get you some keys---"

"That won't be necessary. You understand that I consider you just a friend, right? I love my husband."

Neal was a bit dejected by what she said, but he held out hope that this child could be what brings them together in the future. "I understand. Can I give you a ride home?"

"No, that won't be necessary. I'll text you that information tomorrow. Goodnight."

"I'll walk you out." As he walked her out to the door and closed it behind her, he started to fantasize about a future with her and their child. Even he could admit, he was getting ahead of himself He was a neurosurgeon. He had to be open to possibilities just by the nature of his profession. 

________________________________________________________________________________________________

She folded back into the living room with plans to make her way back to their bedroom, but Ben was sitting on the living room couch waiting for her while the rest of the house was asleep. "So how was Dr. Pearce tonight?"

"You know the dark, brooding emo thing gets less and less attractive the older I get."

"What's emo?"

"Never mind. Are you ready to talk to me now?"

"Yea, I'll meet you in the gym if you wanna check on the kids first."

"Ok, gimme a few minutes." Ben went downstairs and Natalie went into their bedroom to check on Bridget and Declan. They were both asleep in their cribs. She sat on her bed and just stared at her children for a few moments. Not really thinking, she reached out to grab one of their blankets and brought it to her nose. She loved that baby smell, not just the detergent they used to clean the blanket, but the scent that was just unique to babies. This was not a great time to bring another child into their home, but it was a reality. She knew there was gonna be conflict between her and Ben, but she couldn't back down and she couldn't blame him if he didn't want to back down either. After a minute, she realized she might be stalling, so she got up the courage to go down and talk things out with her husband. 

When she got downstairs, Ben was sitting on the mats, which was probably as good a place as any to talk. She sat down in front of Ben and waited for him to speak. He looked down for a moment before he gently took her hands in his and looked her in the eyes. "I don't think we should have any more kids. Our family is big enough. We're running ourselves and Mom ragged trying to take care of the 5 we have now. I don't think it's fair to us or them to increase the size of our family. I'm also worried about you. None of your deliveries have gone smoothly. I don't want to take the chance I might lose you again. I know what I'm asking you to do and I know it won't be easy, but I think we can get through it together. I know you probably think I only feel this way because Pearce could possibly be the father, but that has nothing to do with it. I love you and I understand what happened between you two. If it wasn't for the fact that our family was already so large, I'd welcome this child no matter whether I was the biological father or not."

The room was silent for an uncomfortable amount of time. "Nat, please say something."

"I want you to see something. It's something I almost forgot about. Something I wish I could forget. "

He could see and feel that she was upset, scared. "You can say anything to me. What do you need to show me?"

"Memories. My memories." She nodded her head and tried to let him know with her eyes what she wanted from him. When he figured out what she was asking of him, he was floored. He had just tried to convince her to end her pregnancy in the most thoughtful and honest way that he could, but she still thought she could trust him to invade her mind in order to understand her point of view. 

"I don't think--"

"Ben, I need this from you. I know you won't hurt me."

"You're not asking me to just pick up your thoughts through our bond. You're asking me to probe your mind?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I need you to see everything and once we start, I don't think I'll be able to continue on my own."

"Then maybe whatever it is should stay buried, Nat!"

"It can't stay buried any more! It can't! I need you to help me. I don't want to be asking you to do this, but I have to."

Ben knew that if she was asking him to do this after what he had to do to get her home and well months ago, it must be really important to her. "Ok, but if I feel like it's too much, I'll stop."

Natalie nodded her head and took a few moments to gather herself. "I'm ready."

Ben reached out to stroke his wife's hair and let it cascade over his fingers, wishing they could just forget this. But he was already committed. He took a few deep breaths and placed his hands on her temples then he called on the Force to sort through his wife's mind. In his past life, he never touched his targets when he did this. And of course, he wasn't bonded with any of them either. This would be new territory for both of them. They both took some deep breaths in rhythm together and moved forward with the exercise. After he took one last long breath, he pushed out with the Force and opened his eyes. He was a bit disoriented. He looked around and he was in a nicely decorated room that he'd never seen before. Suddenly, a woman walked past him unfazed by his presence there. She was familiar to him, did he know her? Clearly, she was getting prepared for an outing of some kind. Should he let her know he was there? He slowly moved to the side so he could get a good look at her. The hair, the body was familiar, and her face…..it was Nat, a younger version of his wife before Johnson and her breast surgery. He was literally in her memory. Her cell phone started to ring. "Hello? I'm so sorry I'm running late. Work was so busy today. I'm still getting dressed and I'll be leaving shortly."

Ben could only hear her side of the conversation, but he could tell she was talking to a man. 

"Are you gonna tell me where we're going after dinner? You know I hate surprises!"

She was talking to Johnson. This was the night everything changed for her, the night Johnson raped and tortured her. Why would Nat want him to see this?

"Ok. If you stop talking, I can finish getting ready and the sooner I'll be there at the restaurant. Alright, goodbye."

After she hung up the phone, she walked to the mirror to primp just a bit more before she left. When the door closed, Ben felt like he was being sucked into a vortex before he ended up back in the gym holding his wife's shaking body. "It's ok, baby. You're fine."

He knew she wasn't fine, but he'd do his best to get her there. He held her and they took some deep breaths together. He picked up from their bond that she was frightened out of her mind that he would see her get raped and tortured by Johnson. At this point, he just wished they could go back to this morning before he left for his trip and forget everything that had happened since. He didn't want to be doing this, making his wife relive the worst moments of her life. And for what? There was nothing of note in what he saw in her memories so far except for the feeling of helplessness he felt watching her leave to experience the hell that she did that night. 

"I need you to see what happened after."

"I think you could use some rest right now…"

"I need you to finish it now. I'll be fine. "

Ben relented. He could do what she asked although it was hard for him, but it would be even harder on her. He placed his hands on her temples again and they both took deep breaths in rhythm. He let the Force guide him into her memory again. He was back in the same room again. Someone was fumbling with a key on the other side of the door and whimpering. Natalie was finally able to open the door. The right side of her face was now covered with a bandage that had a few spots of blood leaking through. He looked around and saw that the room was now disorganized and strewn with clothes. He could tell she'd been crying, not just today but for days. The pain she was in was obvious to him, but he was only a bystander in her past. He had no power here. She went to the mirror in her bathroom to look at her wounds after she took off her clothes, leaving them on the floor. The wounds of her back looked worse, of course, because they were fresher than he was used to seeing them, but those wounds looked to be healing, at least. The wound on her face was another matter. When she removed the bandage, he could see, even with his minimal medical knowledge, that the wound was starting to become infected. She showered and then toweled off before she went back to look at her wound in the mirror. She was gathering tools to try and do surgery on her face! Once she prepared the needle and syringe of what he assumed was some sort of anesthetic and she was about the inject around the wound, Ben left the bathroom. This was pointless!! He couldn't do it anymore, watch the suffering she went through in the days after her rape. After a few minutes, she came out of the bathroom with a fresh bandage on her face. He was mildly disoriented as Nat had shifted the memory forward in time a bit. She went to the kitchen to get some water and she came to bed with the water so she could take what he assumed was some pain medication and antibiotics. She laid in bed and quietly wept until she fell asleep. He was about to question being here again until he felt the time in the memory shift again. She was still asleep, but was awakened by something. She grabbed her stomach and yelped in pain. She pulled back the sheets and she was bleeding from her vagina. When she stood up from the bed, the blood ran freely down her legs. She got in the shower to clean herself off, found a pad just in case she bled more, got a heat pack, and took more pain meds to help with the pain before trying to get herself back to sleep. The memory shifted a few more times and he could see that this went on for days. When the episodes of bleeding stopped, the memory shifted again. It looked like it was weeks later. Her wounds were much more like what he had been used to. The crying was a lot less. She looked healthier. Her home was much more clean and organized. She must have returned to work. He could only assume it because Nat had probably restricted him here so he could see what she wanted him to see. Nat walked by him in her memory and was taking off her clothes, presumably to shower. She stood in front of her bedroom mirror for a few moments looking at her breasts with some concern. Under other circumstances, he would have gotten hard by now. She ran the pads of her fingers over her right breast, feeling for something. She got in the shower and let the water drench her hair and skin. She poured some body wash in her hand and soaped up her chest before she focused again on her right breast. He could see from her look of worry that something was really wrong, but did he need to see this? He already knew the history of her breast cancer so what did this have to do with where they were in the present? He felt the memory adjust in time again. Now she was in a doctor's office. 

"Radical mastectomy is a last resort, Natalie. You're still a young woman. At least if we try chemo or even radiation, there will still be something for a reconstructive surgeon to work with."

"I don't want a reconstruction. I just want to live and be done with this business forever. I want to schedule the surgery ASAP!"

"You have time to think about this, you know."

"My mind's made up. I want to do it right away."

"Alright. I'll send you down for the blood work and have the nurse call central scheduling to get a date for the surgery."

The memory shifted again. Nat was back at the doctor's office.

"I needed to discuss your results with you before we move forward with the surgery."

"What could possibly be worse than the cancer?"

"Your pregnancy test was positive, but there is a problem."

Natalie was silent for a few moments. "What's the problem?"

"It was weakly positive and the confirmation hormone testing showed that you're starting menopause. I suspect that you probably miscarried. Of course, we'll need to do an ultrasound."

"We can schedule a D&C tomorrow and then schedule the mastectomy the next day as far as I'm concerned."

"Do you need to contact the father?"

"There is no father because there is no baby. Can we just get on with it please?"

"I'll contact a GYN colleague of mine for the D&C and we'll proceed with scheduling the mastectomy. Is there someone I should call for you? You really shouldn't be alone right now."

"I'll be ok. Thank you." The doctor left the room and Natalie was left alone with her thoughts while Ben was observing her. Ben was again sucked through a vortex and back with his wife in the gym. His arms naturally wrapped around her. He just held her and waited for her to speak to him if she wanted to. It was all there for him to see in her memory. He didn't need to provide commentary unless she asked him to. 

"He must have drugged my wine at dinner that night. I woke up…in the middle of it. I saw condom wrappers nearby. It didn't occur to me until the doctor told me about the test that I could have been pregnant even after the cramps and bleeding. My logical mind tells me that I would have lost that child no matter what I did. How ironic would it have been if his only living victim escaped and was pregnant with his child. That child could have been the only evidence that Johnson ever existed. Before I started trying to block this out of my mind, I wondered what kind of person that child would be. I always regretted the feeling that I didn't do everything I could to make sure that child had every chance to come into the world. I've never been a hardliner on pro-life or pro-choice. People should do what's comfortable for them, but carrying a child is something that's personal for me. "

She extricated herself from his arms and got up from the mats to stretch her legs a bit by walking around, facing away from him. "I know I took the long way around, but I just needed you to understand, Ben." She turned back toward him to look him in the eyes with her tear stained face. "I trust you more than anyone. If you say that you don't want this child, I understand why you feel that way and I hope you can change your mind. But that won't change my mind. I'll do everything in my power to make sure that this child has a chance, just like the rest of our kids. Goodnight." She bounded upstairs as he followed her with his eyes. When she disappeared behind the door, he looked out on the gym and got himself up to stretch his legs by walking around the track. Was he wrong? To put his wife's health and their family's well-being above another child that he wasn't even sure was his. It didn't feel wrong to him. Was the paternity issue what was holding him back from being all in on having this child? He cared for Brittany and Naomi even though they weren't related to him by blood, but he had to admit to himself it wasn't the same with his and Nat's children. But wasn't that because he met Brittany when she was full grown and with her own child? Yes, he hated Pearce, but he knew he cared for Nat, so he should be able to put any feelings he had for him aside, right? It had been a long day and he should go to bed. He went upstairs to the bedroom and he could hear the shower running in the bathroom while Bridget and Declan were asleep in their cribs. He got undressed and opened the bathroom door to find his wife under the water stream with a face wet from water and tears. He got in the shower to join her and he could tell she'd been in there for a bit because of the wrinkling of her skin and the cooling but not cold water from the shower stream. He grabbed the body wash and a wash cloth to help her get clean. She didn't turn him away. After he finished cleaning her up, he quickly cleaned himself up and turned off the water so he could dry them both off. He put on some shorts and a T-shirt for bed and he dressed her in the same before getting them both in bed. Under normal circumstances…these weren't normal circumstances. He put his hands in her hair to take it down. He knew she slept better with it down. Instead of getting lost in stroking her hair, he moved his hands to her face to wipe away her tears. He kissed her face and he rested his forehead against hers. There was no need to talk right now. He took his usual place behind her and used his hands to relax her into the sleep that he knew she needed so badly. When her breathing slowed and her muscles relaxed, he knew she was at rest. He gave her hair one last kiss before he closed his eyes and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a rough chapter in a ton of ways, so kudos to you if you made it through it!! Things will get even rougher, maybe just not as triggering!!


	26. The One Who Still Has Something to Learn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Ben and Natalie learn some truths about themselves. Ben loses control. Natalie remembers a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!! I'm still here and I thank you for being here too!! Drama continues to ensue.

He was awoken by the whines of Bridget and Declan. The whines that told him they were both wet and hungry. His wife was still sleeping peacefully for now. He could use more sleep, but that would have to wait for later. He picked up the twins to calm them and took them out to the crib in the living room while he went in the kitchen to warm their bottles. Amazingly enough, he'd gotten good at calming them with his voice so as soon as they heard him talking, their whines would stop. While he was waiting for the bottles to warm, he picked them up again and continue soothing them. Sometimes he wondered to himself if they knew what kind of person their father had been in the past and if they had would they still react to him the same way. While he was holding his twins, he had a memory flash of his own father holding him when he was a child. Before he could dwell on the memory, the click and soft beep from the bottle warmer went off, prompting him to place the babies in the crib to grab the warmed bottles from the kitchen. He fed Bridget first because she ate very fast and she was even trying to hold the bottle for herself. Her attempts at independence made him smile, but had him worried at the same time. At some point, all his daughters and sons wouldn't need him as much anymore. If that time did come, did that mean that he and Nat had been good parents to their children? While he was mired in his thoughts, Bridget had finished her bottle. He went and grabbed diapers and wipes so he could clean Bridget up after he burped her. He stroked her back a few times and she fell back to sleep after being fed and cleaned. He went back to lay her in the bedroom crib. Declan was patiently waiting for him in the living room crib. "Hey little guy, you're being so good., " he said before Declan cooed at him, kicked his legs, and stared into his eyes. By the time they had gotten to baby number 5, his hands were more sure. He used to worry he'd hurt his children with his inexperience. Now, he just worried that he wouldn't be enough. As he was feeding his son, it seemed Declan knew that his father needed some reassurance. Instead of trying to grab the bottle from his father, Declan stroked his father's fingers and curled his lips into a smile as he drank. Ben smiled at his son with some tears coming to his eyes and he had another memory flash of his father lifting him into the air when he was probably close to Declan's age. Why was he thinking of Han so much right now? He had his own children now and Han was dead by his hand. Things always just felt unfinished between he and Han, but what could be done about that now? Declan was just sucking down more air from his empty bottle now, so Ben broke from his thoughts to burp his son and put him back to sleep in his crib. Once he put Declan down, Ben was wired so he decided to get in a workout, get breakfast ready, and get back in bed with his wife.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Ben was awoken by some incessant intermittent buzzing. It had registered with him about an hour ago, but he was able to go back to sleep. Leia had agreed to watch out for the kids for a little longer since he had some leftovers that she could warm up for the children's lunch if she needed to. The buzzing was annoying as fuck and he needed to find out where it was coming from. Natalie was still sleeping soundly surprisingly. He might as well get up and go help Leia with the kids. He took a quick shower and got dressed to come back out to the bedroom. There the buzzing was again. It was coming from Nat's cellphone, which was on her bedside table. Clearly, someone was trying to get in touch with her, but it couldn't have been an emergency if they hadn't tried calling the house, right? They never invaded each other's privacy, but his curiosity was getting the best of him with everything that had happened recently. He'd just take a quick look to make sure that there wasn't anything that he needed to wake her for. There were multiple texts as well as a voicemail message from Pearce. Why the fuck was he trying so desperately to get in touch with Nat? They had just seen each other the previous night. He said he'd only take a quick look so he put her phone down and went to check on the kids before they drove Leia crazy. 

________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

After Ben and Leia put the kids down for a nap, Ben went to the bedroom to wake his wife up. He knew she needed the rest, but he also knew she wouldn't want to sleep the whole day away. 

"Baby, it's time to get up.," he said as he kissed her hair and stroked her face. Natalie stirred and turned into Ben's embrace. 

"Morning.," she said sleepily.

"Afternoon."

"Oh, it's that late? I'll get dressed." She grabbed some casual clothes and went into the bathroom. Ben went back out to the kitchen to clean up after lunch.

About 15 minutes later, Ben came back from the kitchen to their bedroom. The buzzing started again. Nat was still in the shower and he couldn't resist checking her phone. 5 texts and 2 voicemails in the span of a few hours!! Did this prick really think he was that important to his wife? He would never have had a chance if Ben hadn't been tied up with Snoke! Pearce had no idea who the fuck he was dealing with! Before he knew it, Ben was slamming the phone into the bedside table with his hand over the glass face. While he was busy trying to put his hand through her phone, Natalie came out of the bathroom and was horrified at what she saw.

"Ben, what the fuck are you doing?," she said as he came out of his angry distraction. 

"Fuck!," Ben said as he pulled his aching, bleeding hand away from the demolished phone and Natalie went to grab a towel.

"Come with me to the clinic." He took the towel she gave him, loosely wrapped his hand in it, and proceeded to trail behind his wife to the clinic. 

Ben sat on the exam room table holding his injured hand while Natalie got some supplies ready. She unwrapped the towel on his hand and surveyed the damage. "So what did my phone do to you, Kylo?," his wife said while she was focused on cleaning his wound of glass. Ben knew she was joking, but somehow it made him feel worse. "I couldn't take the buzzing any more.," he said as he looked away from her, ashamed and a bit confused by his actions.

As she kept her focus on trying to make sure her husband hadn't destroyed the use of his hand, she thought about the minimal possibilities of who would be calling her personal cell phone rather than the house phone and realized the reason for her husband's dispute with her phone. Feeling his wound was cleaned of any further shards of glass and loss of blood appeared to have been stemmed for now, she went about making sure Ben's hand hadn't been ruined by having him flex and extend his fingers as well as opening and closing his hand. She applied some bacta she had co-opted and brought back from Ben's time and some bandages to his hand. "You're damn lucky not to have any serious damage."

"I know. I'm sorry I ruined your phone."

"I'm sorry, too. Look, I know that last night was…overwhelming for both of us. Did you want to get some more sleep?   
I'll stay up with the kids and Leia."

"Maybe that's a good idea." 

"Ben, I know this is a difficult situation and we don't agree on everything, but the only way for us to get through it is if we trust each other."

"I trust you and I'm sorry about the--"

"I don't give a fuck about the phone! I care about you and our family! Neal is not my family. I was weak and I made a mistake. I can't make up for it. "

"I'm the king of mistakes, Nat. This is not something I hold against you. I never have."

"But you hold it against Neal? You still think he took advantage of me? I told you exactly what happened, but you still hold this grudge against him?"

"He treated you like shit for years so yes, I have a grudge against him. I don't put it past him to try to use this baby situation to try and get closer to you."

"You think I'm that weak minded?"

"I think you're sentimental about him and that you never admitted it to yourself. Why else would you not have kicked his ass years ago?"

"I think we both need a break from this conversation. Get some rest, ok? I'll wake you up when dinner is ready, ok?"

He was tired and he didn't want to fight any more. "Ok, thank you." He waited while she cleaned up their mess. When she turned back toward him, he looked her in the eyes and stroked her face with his good hand. He leaned down to capture her lips in a gentle kiss and he relaxed his forehead against hers. "I love you. That won't ever change, Nat."

"I know. I love you, too. Get some rest. I'll see you in a bit."

After her husband went to their bedroom, she called Kieran so he could procure her a new phone and at some point, she'd need to follow up on the messages left on it.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

After the crazy day of missed texts and voicemails, Neal insisted on meeting Natalie in person to make sure she was ok. Ben was fine with her seeing Pearce as long as they met while she was picking up her new phone at her business office and that she had someone else like Kieran or some other employees nearby. This was starting to get a little ridiculous that neither one of them trusted the other to be alone with her. She was only 3 months pregnant now. How bad would it get by the time she made it to term?

Kieran sent a car to pick her up from home and he didn't mind staying late because he usually did anyway. In fact, many of the employees worked late and tended to be in their element doing so. The people they dealt with did business at all hours. 

"It's good to see you, Natalie. You look good."

"Compliments are appreciated but not required. You look good, too. How are you holding up here?"

"Business is good."

"You know, you can leave the office from time to time. Have a personal life."

Kieran looked down for a moment and then smiled. "My work is my personal life right now. And being here makes me feel closer to him somehow."

Not having Twitch any more left a hole in her life. "I miss him too, but you know he wouldn't want you to drown yourself in work. He knew how to have fun so that means you should try to have some too. "

"I'll keep that in mind. I left your phone on the desk along with box and accessories. Everything's ready to go for you. I'll send your guest in when he arrives. Be careful walking around. I wasn't expecting you in this late so I didn't change the cleaning people's schedule."

"I will. Thank you." She walked around to Twitch's old office, avoiding the wet floor signs. She'd insisted on keeping it exactly as he had left it because it was one of the ways she kept him with her. She saw the phone on the desk, but she bypassed that in favor of looking around the office to reminisce. There was a picture of she, Ben, and Twitch on the desk. It was taken the night before they left to go back to Ben's time. She was about as far along with Xander and Lexi then as she was now with this child. She wasn't supposed to have ever seen Twitch again at that time because she was dying. He was supposed to be mourning her, not the other way around. Tears came to her eyes as she held the picture in her hands, getting lost in the memories for a few moments and sat down behind the desk. She didn't hear Neal enter the room. 

"Well, it's true what they say. Crime really does pay.," he said as he admired the surroundings in the office. He saw the tears in her eyes as she looked up at the sound of his voice. "What's wrong?"

"I'm just thinking about Twitch, nothing more. So are you satisfied now?"

"I just wanted to be sure you were ok."

"I'm sorry I worried you. My phone got destroyed and I had a very late night."

"I just got used to hearing from you a little quicker."

"That was a long time ago, Neal."

"3 months isn't that long ago."

She wasn't in the mood for this. She grabbed the phone and texted Neal the information she was meant to send him while he observed her doing it. He grabbed his phone and confirmed his receipt of the information. "I'm not trying to antagonize you."

"Then stop antagonizing me." She took a deep breath and realized she was not making things easy on him. "I'm sorry. I'm really tired, Neal. It's better if we just say goodnight, ok?"

"Ok, goodnight." He turned around slowly to walk out of the office and she noticed he was going to step in a slower drying wet spot on the floor. 

"Neal, be careful!," she said as she walked quickly toward him. He slipped a bit and turned falling back toward the floor, but his hands were quick enough to grab her so she wouldn't get hurt. She used the Force to soften their fall. In the end, she ended up laying on top of him on the floor. They were both breathing heavily. "What the fuck were you thinking? You and the baby could have gotten hurt!"

"I didn't want you to get hurt, Neal."

Their breathing was slowing and they were staring at each other. Neal reached out to stroke her face and when his thumb ran across her skin, Natalie woke up and realized this was so wrong. She got up to leave the building and left Neal alone in the office. When she saw Kieran on the way out, she asked him to have the phone accessories sent to her home when he had the time and to have someone make sure that Neal made it home ok. They said their goodnights and she got in to the chauffeured car to go home. 

On the way home, she stared out the window. "Fuck.," she mumbled under her breath. Ben was right. She did have feelings for Neal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still have lots of ideas to continue the story. Please feel free to share your constructive thoughts on my work!!


	27. The One Who's Never Wrong?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The baby drama continues. There's another blast from Natalie's past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. Life happens.

When Natalie got home, she sat on the couch in the living room in the dark while the rest of the house slept. She couldn't just go to bed with Ben and act like nothing had happened. She was tired, but she figured she could exhaust herself a little more before attempting to sleep by walking around the track while listening to some music to distract her from her crazy thoughts. She went down to the gym, put her ear buds in, and made her way to the track. Things were so fucked up right now and she really wished that Twitch was here. He wouldn't have been able to fix anything, but at least he'd be able to make her feel better by maybe giving her another perspective, making her laugh, giving her something else to focus on besides her own problems…

She did 10 revolutions around the track before she decided that she was sufficiently sleepy, but now she was hungry, starving really. She rushed back upstairs to the kitchen and quietly eat a few servings of the dinner she had cooked earlier and topped it off with a pint of ice cream. She drank a few glasses of water, made her way to the bathroom to relieve herself, brush her teeth, and take a quick shower, and then gently laid in bed next to her husband. If they were lucky, Bridget and Declan would sleep through the night tonight. 

Right before she was going to fall asleep, she felt a hand run over her hair followed by warm breath and pillowy lips ghosting over her face. 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

She rolled over in bed after waking up and realized she was not only in bed alone, but that Bridget and Declan weren't in their cribs. Her bladder was about to burst so she went to the bathroom and listened for noises, but there were very few. While she was relieving herself, she remembered that Leia, Xander, Lexi, and Bella had gone to Luke's so the kids could train. She washed her hands and cleaned her face before going out to the kitchen to get some food. She was really hungry! "Hey, you alright? How'd you sleep?," Ben said as he was playing with the twins. 

"I slept just fine. Thanks for letting me sleep a little longer." She saw that he'd put some breakfast aside for her and she exhaled in relief as she finally got some food in her mouth. She kept stuffing her face, but her hunger just didn’t seem to quell. 

"Baby, slow down. You're gonna make yourself sick!"

"I can't help it! I'm starving!," she said as she was grabbing some more food to eat after she finished what he'd left for her. She grabs a container of mandarin oranges from the fridge and brings them over to sit with Ben and the twins. She peeled a few oranges to eat and share with the kids. Ben laughed as his wife popped nearly a whole peeled orange in her mouth before she gave the kids each an orange segment. Since his wife insisted on eating while she was playing with the kids, Ben decided to get started on lunch early.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

The twins would probably take longer naps with full bellies from lunch and getting full attention from their parents for playtime. Ben was in awe that Natalie was still eating, but she looked as though she was slowing down after her third sandwich. "Should I be worried?"

"No, of course not!," she said with her mouth full. She took a drink of water and swallowed the last of her food down, took a breath and belched loudly. "I'm so sorry about that and I'm aware that was totally disgusting.," she said before they both burst into laughter. "I've got to take a shower."

"You want some company?," he said hopefully.

"Only to save time. We really need to talk, ok?"

They both grabbed some clothes and met in the bathroom. They brushed their teeth before jumping in the shower together. Rarely did they share shower space without there being sex involved, but they really did need to talk after the last few days. Luckily, the twins were sound asleep after their shower so they went back out to the living room to hash things out. Ben sat on the couch first on one end and Natalie found her way to the opposite end. He knew he'd fucked up with the phone incident (although he'd surprised himself with that one) and they were on opposing sides on the new baby (although not for the reasons one would think), he hadn't thought they were in this much trouble that she felt they couldn't even sit together.

"I figured out some things last night. You were right."

Ben smirked. "Please tell me what miracle of the Force allowed for that."

Natalie rolled her eyes and shook her head. "You were right about me having feelings for Neal."

"So what does that mean for us?"

"It means that….it means that he's someone I could have seen myself with if I had never met you and had the kids."

"And you're sure that's all, Nat?"

"Yes, I'm sure! I'm not in love with him. I'm in love with you."

"And you have no regrets about choosing me?"

"I have regrets about many things, Ben. Never that." She looked in his eyes as she spoke and she could still feel that he had the slightest doubt. "Don’t you ever wonder what things would have been like for you if you had stayed with Snoke and gotten the power that you always wanted? I know you have. You're human. Even when we're happy, we always wonder what might have been. It doesn't mean that we regret how our lives have turned out. "

"I know how my life with Snoke would have turned out now, Nat. You don't know how things would have turned out with Neal."

"Look, there was a window for us, but it's closed. This child won't change that."

"Please understand that the parentage of this child has nothing to do with any of this for me." He moved toward her on the couch. 

"Baby, believe me, I appreciate that you don't care whether this child belongs you or Neal, but you did ask me to have an abortion."

It wasn't his finest moment, but he had what he thought were legitimate reasons. "I did that because we have 5 young kids already and the pregnancies always take a toll on us. I don't want to lose you!"

"I can appreciate that, but considering those things, I don't remember you being the biggest proponent of abstinence or the regular use of condoms!!"

She had him there. "You are totally, completely, unequivocally right, Nat. I should have known that you couldn't have just let me be right about something without you also being right about something else.," he said with a grin.

"It's not about being right. If it was, I'd always have the high ground.," she said as she returned that grin.

They both outright laughed now. "That was a cheap shot! I'm sorry, grandfather.," he said as he reached for her still slightly damp hair to loosen it from it's binding.

"You think he's listening?"

"Force help him if he is." He leaned down to rest his forehead on hers and just wallowed in their bond for a few moments. "I love you, Mrs. Solo."

"I love you too, Mr. Solo." Ben maneuvered them on the couch so they were holding each other. Natalie purred as he ran his thumb along her facial scar. "So, I'm correct in assuming that abstinence and condoms will be in full effect after I have this baby?" 

He pulled her closer to touch their lips together and as they deepened their kiss, their focus on their bond diminished their need to answer to the question.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

When the day of Natalie's OB appointment came, Ben and Natalie dropped the twins off with Leia while she and their other kids were still at Luke's. They knew the day would be stressful, but they had gotten themselves to a better place in their relationship over the last few days. When they got to the doctor's office, Neal was already sitting in the waiting room. Natalie could immediately feel Ben tense up through their bond, but she thought all would go well as long as no one made any snide remarks. And of course, that was not even accounting for how she would explain this odd situation to the doctor. Once she checked in, she sat between Ben and Neal. After a few minutes, she was called back for her weight and vitals signs to be taken so she left Ben and Neal alone, in the waiting room, together. Her vitals weren't exactly stable considering the situation she was in right now so she was preparing herself for a lecture from the doctor while she was trying to relax. Luckily, when she returned to the waiting room, Ben and Neal were trying to ignore each other. A few more minutes went by and the nurse called them back to sit in the doctor's office so they could meet with him before her exam. When they were seated in the doctor's office, the nurse had to bring in an extra chair for Neal to sit in. The tension was starting to show on Natalie's face so both men were getting concerned. 

"Are you ok, Natalie?"

"I'm fine, Neal. Thanks for asking."

There was a knock on the door and the door opened. Their backs were to the door so they all turned to see who they presumed was the doctor come in. A very attractive bearded black man wearing a long white coat walked in and Natalie's face visibly dropped. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"It's good to see you too, Natalie."

"Where's Dr. Costello?"

"Well, when I saw that Natalie Solo was here to be seen, I had to satisfy my curiosity so I told him I would take on the case myself."

"This isn't fucking happening!"

Both Ben and Neal were clueless as to what was going on. "How do you know my wife?"

"I apologize for the surprise. I'm Dr. Jeff Granderson, Natalie's ex-husband."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still following me, I'd really appreciate some feedback. If there's something you want me to cover, I'd definitely seriously consider it. Or we could talk about the state of Star Wars if we could keep it civil.


	28. The One Whose Past Comes Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalie's ex-husband makes his presence felt.

All Natalie could do was shake her head and roll her eyes at the realization that her ex-husband had found a way to insert himself back into her life at the worst possible time. Last she heard, he'd had a cushy position at a famous New York hospital system and was doing quite well for himself. She had no doubt he's fucked himself by messing around with the wrong person's wife or even worse, another patient. She narrowed her eyes and looked at him. She'd get to the bottom of this and get him out of her life. 

"Ok, I'll bite, Jeff. I'll meet you in the exam room."

"Sure, but how about an appropriate introduction first?"

Natalie rolled her eyes again, but obliged him. "Jeff, this is my husband, Ben Solo.," she said as she halfheartedly pointed in Ben's direction. "This is Dr. Neal Pearce, MD and he's--- let's call him an interested party."

"Interested party? Is that what we're calling it these days? Well, gentlemen. I appreciate the formal introduction and both of your reputations proceed you, but I think we need to get this woman taken care as soon as possible. I was married to her and I know that look. Please excuse us. Natalie, I'll send the nurse in to escort you to an exam room."

Jeff walked out of the office with a smirk on his face. Natalie was about to follow him out when Ben gently pulled her aside. "Are you sure you want to do this, Nat? We can find another doctor."

"No, it's fine. He's always been a brilliant doctor. He has always just had the worst judgment when it comes to his personal life.," she said as the nurse stood outside the office waiting for her. 

"Just try to relax, ok?"

"I will. I'll see you both in a bit." She left the office to follow behind the nurse to the exam room. 

"You know, if it makes you feel any better, he's one of the best OB/GYNs out there. Even I've heard of him."

Ben gave Neal a look that was supposed to tell him that he had no use for anything he had to say. He knew he cared about Natalie and didn't mean her any harm, but for some reason, he couldn't help but feel a growing hatred for him. Despite the fact that quite recently, he'd made efforts to put Neal in a caregiver role for his wife in his absence. 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Natalie sat in the exam room waiting for Jeff to come in. There were three knocks on the door and he came in to start this charade of his. 

"Ok, I want to go over some of the history you documented on the paperwork. Then, I'll recheck your vitals and do a brief exam before we do an ultrasound."

"Fine."

'This is your eighth pregnancy and 6 live births so far. You had a miscarriage. What were the circumstances surrounding it?"

"It happened as I thought I was going into menopause."

"So it had nothing to do with the father?"

"The child was the product of rape, Jeff. It was few years after we divorced. He left me with this scar."

Jeff sobered. "I---I didn't know."

"I never told anyone, not even the cops. I told everyone I had a car accident."

"You know I heard about Jonny. I'm sorry."

She couldn't help but snort. "You know he hated when you called him that, but he always had a bit of a soft spot for you even though he knew you were a cheating bastard."

"Is what happened to Jonny the reason for Mr. Interested Party neurosurgeon in there with your damaged young husband?"

Natalie was full on smiling now. "So is that what this is for you? An opportunity to throw the fact that I was unfaithful to my husband in my face."

He smiled grudgingly. "You know, I didn't know how much I missed this banter between us."

"It's the thing the kept us together for so long and made the sex so great, right, Jeff?" They both laughed. "Are you gonna tell me what happened in New York?"

Jeff's face soured. "You know me. I always know how to fuck up a good thing."

"So this is about your dick?" Jeff's facial reaction confirmed her initial suspicions. 

"Alright, enough about me. Time to recheck your vitals." She stayed quiet while he retook her blood pressure and heart rate. He wasn't pleased with what he found. 

"Are you crazy? Your blood pressure is high enough right now that I should put you in the hospital! You are nearly 50 years old! You have 6 healthy children! You are still in the window to have an---"

"I'm not having an abortion, Jeff. You're going to help me deliver a healthy child. It's the least you could do."

He exhaled. He didn't like it, but he knew her heels were dug in and he wasn't going to change her mind. Same old Natalie. "I will give you one week to turn this around and if your blood pressure is this high at that appointment, I won't allow you to leave this office until you have an appointment with someone for a termination."

"Ok." 

"Alright, I'm gonna get the nurse in here to get you ready for an ultrasound. I'm gonna go speak with your husband and your boyfriend before I bring them in."

"Try not to be too much of an asshole to them!"

"It's the only thing I know how to be, sweetheart.," he said as he was walking out of the exam room.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Dr. Granderson reentered his office to find the two men sitting nearly on opposite sides of it. "Gentlemen, Natalie is getting prepared for an ultrasound. I wanted to talk to both of you before we all go in for the scan. Separately though so we can diffuse any issues. Dr. Pearce, would you mind sitting in the waiting room for a few moments while I discuss some things with Natalie's husband?"

Neal groused at being excused from the room like he was a child being asked to leave while his parents discussed adult business, but he complied. "Of course, Dr. Granderson." 

"So, Ben Solo. My daughter says you're a good man. It's good to finally meet the man who was able to make Natalie happy."

"Nat makes me a better man. I'm lucky to have her."

"So, you've forgiven her for Pearce, then? I know it happened after Jonny's murder."

Ben thought for a moment. "You knew Twitch?"

"Of course. Natalie and I met in college. She got pregnant with Brittany and we got married. After college, she went to PA school and met Jonny while I went to medical school. They were instant friends. I was never good at sharing my toys. I knew he wasn't a romantic threat, but he was smart and he knew I was stepping out on her. He was a little sweet on me, I think." The asshole was starting to come out. "Anyway, she loved him like a brother. I'm sure she felt lost when he died. Did they ever catch the killer?"

Ben looked down in shame he well hid from the other man. "No, they didn't. I miss him, too."

"So how did this happen? How was Pearce able to get close enough to her and get us here?"

Now Ben was going to have to come up with a story that would make sense to him. "Before Twitch died, I had to leave town to deal with a crisis. It was unavoidable, I wasn't even sure if I would be able to come back, and I asked Pearce to look out for her while I was gone. Nat went to see Twitch and found his dead body. She called the cops and she was understandably in shock so she had them call Neal to pick her up."

Jeff nodded his head in understanding. "So it doesn't matter to you that this baby could be his?"

"Not in the slightest."

"If that's true then I need you two to work together to keep her calm. I told her the best course is an abortion, but she won't hear it. Her blood pressure is through the roof right now and I can't have her on edge all the time because she's worried about a blowup between you and Pearce. Can you handle this situation?"

"Yes, I can."

"Good. We may have a contentious relationship, but she is the mother of my only child and grandmother to my only grandchild. I will intervene if I feel this situation is too much for her and this child."

"Thank you, Jeff."

"If you go to the nurses' station, they'll direct you to Natalie. Myself and Dr. Pearce will be joining you shortly."

Once Ben left the office, Jeff called the nurses' desk to have someone bring Dr. Pearce back in. After two knocks to the door, Jeff gave permission for the person knocking to enter. "Have a seat, Dr. Pearce. May I call you Neal?"

"Of course, if I can call you Jeff?"

"Of course, I'll be brief since Natalie is preparing for an ultrasound. What is your intention with my ex-wife?"

"I'm in love with her and want to raise this child with her if it's mine."

"Wow, you are delusional, aren't you? Neal, you're a brain surgeon and not unattractive. You could probably go in to any bar in this town and leave with practically any woman you wanted. Why are you chasing after a happily married woman with 5 young children?"

"Look, I don't know what Solo told you, but he is not right for her. Ben Solo probably isn't even his real name. Meyers got him fake identification materials. I wouldn't be surprised if Solo had something to do with Meyers' death."

This conversation was a bit more involved than Jeff wanted. "I don't care what your beef is with Solo. I just need to make sure that you can squash it for now so I can keep Natalie's blood pressure controlled. If I can't control her blood pressure, my suggestion is that she doesn't continue this pregnancy."

Neal exhaled in small defeat on this front. "I'll do what I can to keep her calm."

"Good, let's get to the exam room. Follow me."

They both left the office and knocked twice to enter the exam room. Neal's face fell when he saw Ben place a kiss on Natalie's forehead while they were holding hands as she laid on the exam table. "Alright, lady and gentlemen. I'm gonna quickly measure the size of her uterus and then we'll do the ultrasound to see the condition of the baby. We may even get lucky and be able to determine the sex of the baby. After the ultrasound, I'm gonna have the nurses collect some blood so we can check some hormone levels. No need to stop at the desk to check out. I want you to go straight home and rest. The nurses will call you with the appointment time and I will see you in one week. Everyone clear on the plan?" When he saw all the principles nod, he went about doing his work. Her uterus was the right size by his physical measurement. His nurse handed him the warmed ultrasound gel and he squeezed a bit on her abdomen before he took a few swipes with a Doppler to pick up a bounding heartbeat. "That is always a wonderful sound." He listened for about 15 seconds before he switched to the apparatus that would provide them a visual of the fetus. "Let's take a quick look just to make sure everything's going in the right direction." Natalie closed her eyes to try to relax herself while Ben ran his free hand over her hair to try to calm her. Neal focused his eyes on the ultrasound screen as Jeff tried to get a stable picture of the fetus. The fetus was very active and appeared to be quite camera shy for a few moments. The more Natalie relaxed, the more the fetus slowed down. Jeff was able to get some good images and measurements. "Would anyone like to know the sex of the fetus?" Not wanting to risk disturbing her calm, Ben confirmed Natalie's wish silently in the Force and nodded his head toward Jeff so he understood his meaning. Neal mirrored Ben's gesture and quickly refocused on the screen while he was trying to remember his OB/GYN rotation in medical school. "Well, lady and gentlemen, it's a boy. Everything looks really good so I will print some pictures and get Natalie into to lab so we can get her home ASAP." Neal kept staring at the screen as the images printed. He almost didn't notice Natalie and Ben leaving the room, presumably to get her blood drawn. Jeff handed him all the pictures once the printing had completed. "Looks like they're all yours, doctor."

"Ah, thank you."

"I assume I'll be seeing you next week. I'm sure Natalie will be contacting you with the appointment info."

Neal couldn't stop staring at the ultrasound pictures. "You can do an amniocentesis if she agrees, right?"

Jeff sucked his teeth in disgust. "Is your ego that threatened that you'd risk Natalie's health just to find out if the baby's yours? This is a high risk pregnancy already. What makes you think she'd agree to have it?"

"I think she'd agree if it would stop the stress on her. What's the matter? Your ego can't handle the challenge?"

Jeff smiled like a Cheshire cat. "I like you, doctor. We are a lot alike, I think. Unfortunately for you, that's probably the reason you'll never be with her. See you next time."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI Jeff is not going to be a love interest. He loves Natalie and wants the best for her, but is not in love with her. He will function as an irritant and I think that's fun. If you need a vision to consider, think Idris Elba!! I almost gave him a British accent just to spice things up, but in the end, I think the dialogue and the suggestion of him themselves were enough for one to hear his voice saying the words as you read it.

**Author's Note:**

> Won't abandon this one either and I'll try to post as often as possible. Feedback will be appreciated!!


End file.
